Sister-in-Law didn’t invite my mother in

I was quite confused earlier by people thinking OP is the SIL, I think it’s far more likely OP is the MIL

That's SIL business, who knows what is going on in her family and she is perfectly entitled to host them alone without her MIL banging on the door wanting to come in.

I'm confused as to why SIL wouldn't want your mother to meet her family. It was not 'rude' for mum to have knocked the door, perhaps intrusive, given SIL had said that she wasn't available.

Exactly. Some people are really downplaying the MILs rather rude dismissal of the SIL stating she was unavailable at that time. I wonder why? It can’t be about manners or politeness because only one person was rude in this instance and it isn’t the SIL.

SIL knew she was busy so asked her to leave them on the porch. You mum ignored that and
knocked anyway. Your mum is in the wrong and shouldn’t have expected an invite into the house.

I think the chances are that the SIL is fed up of the visits and probably really isn't bothered about the free things. Both her and your brother probably just accept them to not offend your mum.

I'd be fed up of having my working day interrupted multiple times every month just so my MIL didn't get offended. SIL will have to make those hours up in the evening or work a few slightly longer days to make up for every MIL visit.

It sounds like SIL is a nice person who would be sad that she’d upset MIL. After so many years, I think that you’d know if she was being mean or just wanted to socialise with her family without MIL there. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like MIL- she had her reasons to keep yeh two separate yesterday.

Sounds to me like this isn't the first time the SIL has said she's unavailable but her MIL has arrived and knocked the door anyway, to get that reaction.

so my mum knocked on the door a couple of times when finally SiL opens it

Sounds like she was there quite a while knocking considering OP describes SIL in FINALLY opening it.

She should not have knocked at all, let alone enough times to warrant someone having to finally answer the door.

Agree, @somedayforoneday

For someone who didn't expect an invite, she certainly has taken umbrage over not getting an invite. 🙄

Would love to buy SIL a drink and get her side of the story.

Or twice, which is what actually happened, most people would knock again if they thought the first knock hadn’t been heard.

people saying MIL was “repeatedly” or “insistently” knocking really are blowing that part of the story out of proportion.

she knocked twice, assumably because she thought the first one had gone unnoticed, after two knocks and no response she would have probably assumed she was being ignored and left but dil answered on the second knock.

Maybe she's not happy.

Suspect it's a food item, which is why MIL feels delivery is so urgent. She probably works in a cafe or shop and brings leftover pizza or cakes or whatever. Maybe SIL is tired of being the disposal site for junk food.

It's just terribly rude to be beating at the door when it's apparent that someone is entertaining guests.

If SIL plans had changed she would have text her. She sure did get the hump about not being invited in if she didn't want to be part of the party!

No. It was prearranged that MIL would NOT call because DIL was unavailable. The reason she is unavailable is nothing to do with MIL. Banging on the door when you have already been told that is is not convenient is rude. MIL delivers whatever it is she delivers every week where more often than not, she is received by DIL. The actual stuff she delivers is nothing to do with DIL as it was done long before DIL showed up do it is for her son.

WHY would MIL need to say hello in person when DIL has already told her she is not available? MIL wanted in because other people were there and her nose got the better of her and now it's out of joint.

bluntly saying ‘didn’t you get my text?’ is a very dismissive response to someone repeatedly knocking the door after being told she was unavailable at that time!

It sounds like MIL assumed she after 4 years that she would be considered close enough to meet other members of SIL family, she is obviously very wrong in that assumption, but I don’t think it is unreasonable thing to assume after 4 yearly of almost weekly visits.

she has been firmly put in her place and is understandable a little upset, she obviously thought their relationship was more than it was.

In fairness there was nothing SIL did that indicated MIL would be welcome in when she called round, but she could have been clearer about what she was doing instead of making MIL believe that she was working, and she could have been more gracious at the door (while still turning her away), instead of making her feel bad for not following ‘instructions’.

DIL sounds like she tolerates MIL visits more than enjoys them to me.

My mum is not intrusive. She was waiting to see the SIL and hand over the stuff she brought. We also know she didn't really plan to knock. In her shoes I would have done the same, thinking maybe SIL has changed her plans so I can just give her the stuff in person. It doesn't mean she wanted to become part of the party.

And maybe, like any person brought up to be polite, she thought she should say hello to SILs family. Odd that SIL didn't want t do that.

I don’t think it is even that.. SIL could have answered the door and said, “thank you for dropping off, I’m sorry I’ve got my family here today, can we catch up another time?”

bluntly saying ‘didn’t you get my text?’ Is a very dismissive response to someone dropping something off for you, MIL isn’t a delivery driver, she’s a family member.

DIL being ‘unavailable’ to MIL usually means she is working and unable to come to the door.. so it’s not surprising MIL assumed it would be okay to say hi to DIL in person, DIL was in fact available to come to the door and should have done that anyway to at least acknowledge MIL had dropped the items off and say a quick thank you.

Only read page 1 but your mother overstepped her place, was nosey and it bit her on the bum. She was told SIL was busy and not to disturb but your mother couldn't help herself. Sil did absolutely nothing wrong here its all on your mother who couldn't get her own way .

Nope, MIL was rude

You can't possibly say the mother is not intrusive and doesn't out stay her welcome. Knocking on the door repeatedly until you are acknowledged is the very definition of intrusive.

Especially when she'd been told the DIL was unavailable. It's rude.

MIL sounds like one of those awful people who always needs to know the reason they are being asked to do something so they can judge themselves whether it is important enough they comply.
SIL: Please leave the stuff I am busy
M: But you're here, what's going on? You said you were busy...

You can't possibly say the mother is not intrusive and doesn't out stay her welcome. Knocking on the door repeatedly until you are acknowledged is the very definition of intrusive.

As SiL knows my mum is not intrusive and would not have overstayed her welcome

Then she would have known to drop off the freebie and leave rather than knock repeatedly etc.
SIL is allowed to socialise with her family and friends without her MIL. She told her that she was unavailable which means that MIL isn’t invited.

But they were all of them deceived, for another issue was forged

So in four years there has been a handful of times when SiL hasn’t been available, either because she will be out, on a zoom etc. and told Mum to leave stuff in porch. All good, no issue.
On Monday evening SiL texts to say she wasn’t available on Tuesday and just leave stuff in porch. Absolutely no issue.

Yet, an issue now because SIL had people over.