2 AIBUs in one here, but the background is the same.
I have 2 DC, DS is 4 and DD is 6, we live on a small private lane, there are 2 houses about 100m or so part on the lane, the lane opens on to a quiet country road and is a dead end at the other end. We live in the first house and the one behind us is a family with two little girls who are 3 and 5. All the kids ride their bikes on the lane, the only cars ever on it are for the houses. Normally I only let the kids ride their bike up the lane (so towards the dead end rather than the road) and normally I just wrap up warm, grab a book and sit on a chair at the gates to our drive way. Lately the neighbours kids have been joining outside too and she pretty much does the same, sometimes she will run down and say she is slipping inside to put the dinner on but she can see the lane from her kitchen window anyway. Whenever the kids are out there is always an adult either at our gate or at the neighbours gate.
Issue 1 - Sometimes the kids get chatting as kids do and want to all play inside together, this has been fine for a while, it doesn't happen often and when it does I check with the other mum that she is either okay with her kids coming into ours or mine going into hers. Lately though DS has been getting left out, he comes in crying or through to me crying saying the girls don't want to play with him. DD also asks if she can go and play at the neighbours but will say "but without DS", I always say that its not very nice to leave people out and that DS would be alone if she did that and they do end up both going. However tonight they went out to play on their bikes and I heard the older of the two little girls saying "we don't want to play with you 'DS', we just want to play with 'DD'. I think it is because DS likes to race on the bikes while the girls like to pretend they are horses and get on and off them a lot to pretend they are taking them back to the stable or whatever. My daughter also asked to go and play at the girls house tonight but when I said include DS she said it's okay and decided to stay out on her bike. The other mum knows and I know she has told her older DD to make sure everyone is included. DH thinks we need to let the girls do their thing and accept that little girls who want to play horses, or go inside and play with dolls and crafts that DS wouldn't want to do aren't going to want to play with him all the time and that's just life. He is a sweet boy though and gets really sad when left out. First AIBU is AIBU to think It isn't fair to leave DS out and that if he wants to play then they should include him.
Issue 2 - We were talking to both the parents of the little girls yesterday and both DH and their dad suggested we could probably let them ride their bikes without someone having to keep a constant eye now, both the girls mum and I were reluctant and agreed probably not yet. The dads think that it's fine for them to be left and us pop out every 5/10 minutes to check on them. I'm reluctant because
- It's a private lane but not gated at the end so in theory anyone could walk up it. We do occasionally get a lost dog walker and obviously delivery people.
- I'm scared the kids would test their luck and go down past our gate, it's about another 100m to the main road, or even out onto the road which has no pavement, it is just a small country road.
TBH I'm not sure when I will think its okay to let them out alone on to the lane but 3-6 feels too small, maybe a couple of years, I think it also sways it for me as the older girls would be in some ways looking after the younger two. So AIBU to think they are too small to play out on the lane alone?