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AIBU?

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Original poster

Really need some advice

33 replies

Cheeseychipss · 13/02/2025 16:57

So, I have been with my partner for 15 years (I am 35) we have 2 wonderful children together and I love being a mum more than anything. Since our children were born, our relationship has turned to shit, he didn’t help me in the night? Had some sort of breakdown when our daughter was born and said he didn’t love her/escaping over the fence etc. He the. Just avoided family life with hobbies/nights out/football and even though he said I could do what I liked I don’t feel I got the time. Obviously resentment built and it has got to a point where I can’t even stand him touching me. He says I won’t show him any affection and he isn’t there for me. I ended it about 5 months ago due to this but stupidly begged for him back as he told me he fancied somebody else (not my wisest move I know but I panicked) I am worried if he leaves again he will end up with her as she is a colleague and they do go out together often (with other people) I’m just so unhappy and feel so lonely. So sorry for the long post but I don’t know what to do as I am not getting any younger. I would stay miserable for the rest of my life if I thought it was the best option for the kids, but is it?

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 13/02/2025 17:24

You don't want him but you don't want anyone else to have him?

It sounds like your life revolves around your kids and you can't stand your partner. He doesn't want to be a parent.

You are very incompatible. Let him go. Why keep him around to make both of you miserable, that makes no sense.

Original poster
Cheeseychipss · 13/02/2025 17:23

I just know that I will grieve after it and don’t know what that will look like. I suppose I will be sad about it for a while and then turn a corner?

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 13/02/2025 17:21

I just never understand why people put up with second rate men and second rate love.

Please value yourself and end this man. He doesn't care about you or love you the way you deserve. You are better off alone than with someone like this. Your husband should be crazy about you, care for you, help you, respect you. He is none of these things.

Leave him- not only for yourself but show your daughters that this is not what a healthy relationship looks like.

pearbottomjeans · 13/02/2025 17:20

No, being miserable for your whole life is in no way good for your kids.

I am worried if he leaves again he will end up with her

Makes no sense to me - if you break up it should be irrelevant to you who he gets with (obviously barring threat to your children) as you’ve broken up and don’t want to be with him anymore.

Original poster
Cheeseychipss · 13/02/2025 17:20

What if I make the decision and then I fall apart afterwards?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheeseychipss · 13/02/2025 17:19

lnks · 13/02/2025 17:17

This relationship isn't giving you what you need. It sounds like he hasn't been there for you during times when you have needed him the most. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve a relationship in which you don't feel "so unhappy and feel so lonely". You are scared and panicking because you have been with him so long and it feels like something is missing when he is not there. But that will pass, and when it does you will feel stronger, more confident and happier and you will have the chance to find somebody who loves you in the way that you deserve

I think I will be ok with the breakup but knowing he will meet somebody else will hurt me all over again.

OP posts:
lnks · 13/02/2025 17:17

This relationship isn't giving you what you need. It sounds like he hasn't been there for you during times when you have needed him the most. You are worth so much more than this. You deserve a relationship in which you don't feel "so unhappy and feel so lonely". You are scared and panicking because you have been with him so long and it feels like something is missing when he is not there. But that will pass, and when it does you will feel stronger, more confident and happier and you will have the chance to find somebody who loves you in the way that you deserve

yakamoza · 13/02/2025 17:16

I am worried if he leaves again he will end up with her as she is a colleague and they do go out together often (with other people) I’m just so unhappy and feel so lonely. So sorry for the long post but I don’t know what to do as I am not getting any younger. I would stay miserable for the rest of my life if I thought it was the best option for the kids, but is it?

Staying miserable for the rest of your life is not the best option for kids.

But are you saying that you can't stand him but would be willing to continue living with him if it meant that you can stop him from being with someone else?