Really need some advice

Well, he doesn't sound like much of a catch to be honest so I'm wondering why you're so desperate to hang on to him? He doesn't pull his weight at home and is always out doing his own thing. You say you can't even stand him touching you. The relationship sounds like it's dead in the water and you'd be better off apart.

Yes, he will probably move on and meet someone else at some point, so will you. You both might end up a lot happier than you are now.

Have you been through a breakup before? If you have, then you’ll know that at the time it seems life ending, but now you don’t even think of them at all. There are no feelings there at all! That’s what will happen in time.

Change is always scary, but it’s also a major part of living. It’s how you make things better for yourself and your children - believe me, they’ll be picking up on what’s happening between you and your partner too. It’s better for them to have two happy homes than one unhappy one.

If you feel there is something there to salvage, look into couples counselling. Regaining communication can help rebuild what was lost

If you are not compatible, you don't expect that there is anything that can change and don't want to be with him, then I think the answer is obvious. However, this does not mean that you should just quit the relationship without planning how you are going to manage after you do it. This wouldn't be responsible or the right thing to do by the kids. As parents, we don't just get to quit jobs or relationships without planning what we are going to do next. Having said that, if he is violent or extremely abusive and it is dangerous for you to stay with him, then immediate arrangements need to be made to escape that situation.

If he's not changed after 15 years or after you decided to break up with him, I'd say it's pretty unlikely he will change now. I don't want to sound cruel but it doesn't feel like he values your relationship. Is the way you feel enough? Enough for what? To keep it going? I don't know. He seems to have moved on pretty quickly, and I don't know if he came back out of guilt or for some other reasons. That's not important though. What is important is what you want. You are 35 and while that's not 18, it's not 95 either. So the question is do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, who doesn't care? I know it's scary like any uncertainty is but do you think this fear is enough to keep you in this misery forever?

The other thing is have you spoken to him about how you feel? If so, what did he say? If not, why not?

I think it's pretty bad. And it's not something I've ever been bothered about.

If I don't want to be with someone anymore, I don't care whether they meet someone else or not.

Everyone deserves to be happy either with someone else or single.

That includes you and it also includes him.

If you aren't happy and don't even want him touching you, surely it's best to end it and for both of you to find happiness and be loved by other people? If he finds that sooner, so be it. It doesn't mean you won't too.

Because you want it to feel like your decision?

Because you don't want to feel like he's no.longer an option?

Its because you hoped you'd have a happy life with him and it hadn't happened, so when you see him being happy with someone else it hurts because you think they've got what you lost. Not him, the happiness in a relationship.

So why does it matter if he meets someone else?

Sounds like you’re grieving now, OP. It’s just the first phase of it.

You get one life. Is this what you want it to look like?

Be brave and let him go. Tbh I'd be very surprised if he's not carried on with the colleague since you've been back together anyway to keep his options open. He's not happy, you're not happy. It will be hard and scary at first but your life's no picnic now, is it? And at least you'll be free to make it better.

Op I don’t know what way you’re relationship will go but we started having problems last year and aren’t the same since-I quickly learned that I could probably be fully happy on my own (I would NEVER ever ever have considered this!!) after living in the hell of trying to be happy around the kids, faking happiness and having both of us trying to avoid each other. He’s trying to figure things out but I am out if he never sees me as someone he’s happier having there. Honestly why couldn’t you be happier on your own than arguing? Saying that obviously it all depends x

Not everybody is afraid of that or certainly not people who have given up on the relationship and firmly decided that they don't want to be with their other half. If his being with someone else bothers you to the point that you are prepared to continue the relationship that doesn't work, then my next question is: did you break up with him only in hope that he will realise how much he loves you, what he is missing and basically that would make him change his ways etc rather than because you don't want to be with him and can't stand him? @Cheeseychipss

Then you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again with someone else or alone.

You don’t love him at all. You don’t even like him. You’re just possessive over him.

Obviously resentment built and it has got to a point where I can’t even stand him touching me. He says I won’t show him any affection and he isn’t there for me. I ended it about 5 months ago due to this but stupidly begged for him back as he told me he fancied somebody else

So basically, you don’t want him and can’t show him any affection because you resent him so much, but you also don’t want anyone else to show him any affection either.

I have little sympathy with anyone who dumps their partner and then kicks off when the partner moves on, especially as you clearly can’t have a normal relationship together if you can’t bring yourself to touch him.

The relationship is dead. Do the decent thing and end it properly. This isn’t helping you, your husband or your children.