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AIBU?

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Original poster

Blanked him after he cancelled our date, AIBU?

187 replies

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:35

New relationship of 6 months.

He can be a bit flaky. I try to be understanding when he's stressed with work / family matters but after him cancelling on me at short notice this morning I'm left feeling sad and unappreciated again (because it isn't the first time, he has form for it)

We won't be able to see one another next week so planned to go for a 'valentines day breakfast' this morning, as we generally can't do Fridays and weekends (children/work) and won't see each other for the next 10 days.

He text me at 7am saying

"I feel like shit today. I just want to get DC into school and get back home to relax before work. How about you take (friend) for breakfast and i'll see you tomorrow if you can do that. Sorry to cancel"

He isn't ill, that isn't what he means. He means he's tired or can't be arsed.

It upset me. I'd made an effort and was excited to see him. He knows Fridays aren't realistic.

I replied "oh thanks a bunch, it's very short notice"

Sorry, he says.

I spent the day feeling sad and unappreciated.

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?

There is a pattern of me putting in more effort and energy than he does and I'm just tired of it.

No idea when I'll hear from him again and not sure I want to now.

Am I unreasonable and petty or is this perfectly reasonable after being messed around?

OP posts:
Pistolpunk · 13/02/2025 17:32

Maybe he thinks it's fine to cancel things because you have been so understanding other times it has happened. Either way 6 months is generally when you know if it's working out or not.

Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 17:31

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:28

But then you wouldn't agree to in the first place, surely?

Show quote history

No. I've got enough experience with mornings. There have been morning things in the past that I've ended up bailing out of....I understand that some people are optimistic about getting places.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:28

Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 17:24

Usually no, but a breakfast on a week day. Does that mean at 7am before they go to work??
I couldn't love anyone enough to do that.

Show quote history

But then you wouldn't agree to in the first place, surely?

fatphalange · 13/02/2025 17:28

Don't be drawn into petulant game playing, just send a text and end it. It's not working for either of you.
I can't imagine being bothered about wanting a man enough to try and shoehorn a relationship into my life if I couldn't do Fridays or weekends though. It sounds stressful, tiring and pointless.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 13/02/2025 17:27

Blanking him was what you felt like doing at the time, so it was a genuine response rather than a bit of drama, but it hasn't solved anything. His behaviour is insulting, assuming you'll be there when he feels like seeing you but that he can change his mind minutes before you are due to meet. Looks as if he'll have to go, sadly.

L0bstersLass · 13/02/2025 17:27

Perfectly reasonable of you.
Keep walking, well away from him.
He's a waste of time.
You deserve better

outerspacepotato · 13/02/2025 17:27

He's a flake and he'd rather do other things than see you. He's not that into you.

And this is as good as he's ever going to be. This is the new relationship energy time and he just doesn't have it.

IfYouLook · 13/02/2025 17:26

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 17:22

I'm prepared to own it, it is very 'throwing my toys out the pram' I agree.

For wider context, the last time he cancelled last minute to reschedule was only on Monday, he called when I was already driving over to say can we do Tuesday night instead as he has to do something for his brother.

I was accommodating and said no problem, despite being peeved as I was already en route, and saw him Tuesday as asked.

That wasn't the first time by a long shot though. He has consistently shown me that I'm never a priority.

So this today, so soon after that, feels like the straw that broke the camels back iyswim?

Edited

That’s absolute bullshit I’d never accept that. I’m 3.5 years into a relationship post divorce. We both have busy lives, I’ve got 3 kids, we live over an he away from each other. We have never ever once cancelled on each other. We always want to see each other and make a big effort to do so. Never gone more than a week without doing so either

Rockschooldropout · 13/02/2025 17:26

Six months in you should still be excited to see each other . He clearly isn’t . End it

soarklyknobs · 13/02/2025 17:25

He's just not that into you 🤷‍♀️

Waitingfordaffs · 13/02/2025 17:25

Get rid of him - he is standing in the way of you meeting someone decent

SwerveCity · 13/02/2025 17:24

Six months in and he already can’t be bothered to make an effort to see you? Ditch him.

IfYouLook · 13/02/2025 17:24

He is telling you what he has to offer at his very best - at the wooing stage. Be sure to listen because it damn well won’t get better.

Hard hard no from me.

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 17:24

Also to add it was him that suggested going for breakfast in the first place 😬

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 13/02/2025 17:24

Moonshine5 · 13/02/2025 17:21

When people are "into you" they don't cancel.

Usually no, but a breakfast on a week day. Does that mean at 7am before they go to work??
I couldn't love anyone enough to do that.

Lostcat · 13/02/2025 17:23

Dror · 13/02/2025 16:39

You're not going to see him for ten days and he openly can't be bothered to see you.
Believe him.
Match his energy and discard him.

This is it

Gettingslimmer · 13/02/2025 17:22

Dandelion193 · 13/02/2025 17:20

If he didn't fancy doing breakfast between school run and work then he shouldn't have booked it with you, I'd imagine you'd not be anywhere near as annoyed if he suggested an alternative in the first place. I've dated men like this where they expect you to work around them but quite happy to cancel on you last minute because they've decided they can't be bothered/ are a bit tired etc. they don't change
I would end it, obviously if they cancelled for good reasons then it's different. But that doesn't sound the case. Find someone who is willing to put in a similar amount of effort and don't feel guilty when they come crying that they really like you and are sorry. They never feel guilty when they let you down, only when you decide they aren't worth the hassle and try to get rid of them. Any extra effort they put in when you decide to give it another go, will soon be dropped when they get comfortable again

Hmm. I don’t work like that, I can agree to something and then wake up, feel crap, be harassed and say to the person I can’t do it but will catch you later, if it’s a big important thing clearly not. The ossue was seeing him was a big important thing to her, where as he was just thinking kids, work. It’s just breakfast I will make an effort to see her later.

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 17:22

I'm prepared to own it, it is very 'throwing my toys out the pram' I agree.

For wider context, the last time he cancelled last minute to reschedule was only on Monday, he called when I was already driving over to say can we do Tuesday night instead as he has to do something for his brother.

I was accommodating and said no problem, despite being peeved as I was already en route, and saw him Tuesday as asked.

That wasn't the first time by a long shot though. He has consistently shown me that I'm never a priority.

So this today, so soon after that, feels like the straw that broke the camels back iyswim?

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 13/02/2025 17:21

When people are "into you" they don't cancel.

soarklyknobs · 13/02/2025 17:21

Is he the kind of guy that can't make time for dates, but can make time for sex?

I'm wondering if you're seeing things from different perspectives. You think you're dating and he thinks you're someone to have casual sex with, so he has no interest in meeting you for breakfast, but would meet you on Valentine's Day for an afternoon in bed.

Branleuse · 13/02/2025 17:21

You don't owe him anything. I dont blame you for ignoring him. Fuck him

biscuitsandbooks · 13/02/2025 17:21

He sounds totally unbothered.

I wouldn't worry about looking rude and would just end things now.

Dandelion193 · 13/02/2025 17:20

If he didn't fancy doing breakfast between school run and work then he shouldn't have booked it with you, I'd imagine you'd not be anywhere near as annoyed if he suggested an alternative in the first place. I've dated men like this where they expect you to work around them but quite happy to cancel on you last minute because they've decided they can't be bothered/ are a bit tired etc. they don't change
I would end it, obviously if they cancelled for good reasons then it's different. But that doesn't sound the case. Find someone who is willing to put in a similar amount of effort and don't feel guilty when they come crying that they really like you and are sorry. They never feel guilty when they let you down, only when you decide they aren't worth the hassle and try to get rid of them. Any extra effort they put in when you decide to give it another go, will soon be dropped when they get comfortable again

ItGhoul · 13/02/2025 17:17

It doesn’t sound like you’re happy in the relationship and if these issues are arising after only six months, that’s a bad sign. I’d end it if something was bothering me this much.

I think blanking your actual boyfriend in the street is a pretty odd way to handle conflict though. Absolutely normal and reasonable to be pissed off if he keeps cancelling dates, but why would you not just have a conversation about it and/or end the relationship rather than blanking him? I do find that weird; it’s like something a teenage girl would do if they’d fallen out with another girl in her class.

Gettingslimmer · 13/02/2025 17:14

Completelyjo · 13/02/2025 17:10

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than going out for breakfast between the school run and starting work!
Either way it’s fine to move on if it’s not working for you but yeah to just blank him going forward does make you a dick.

I agree with you and to be honest, I can see myself giving it a body swerve, and saying meet later, I will find you on the way home, who wants to rush the kids to school them have breakfast in between that and work,but she was all excited.and still upset hours later.