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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blanked him after he cancelled our date, AIBU?

187 replies

Sadorpetty · 13/02/2025 16:35

New relationship of 6 months.

He can be a bit flaky. I try to be understanding when he's stressed with work / family matters but after him cancelling on me at short notice this morning I'm left feeling sad and unappreciated again (because it isn't the first time, he has form for it)

We won't be able to see one another next week so planned to go for a 'valentines day breakfast' this morning, as we generally can't do Fridays and weekends (children/work) and won't see each other for the next 10 days.

He text me at 7am saying

"I feel like shit today. I just want to get DC into school and get back home to relax before work. How about you take (friend) for breakfast and i'll see you tomorrow if you can do that. Sorry to cancel"

He isn't ill, that isn't what he means. He means he's tired or can't be arsed.

It upset me. I'd made an effort and was excited to see him. He knows Fridays aren't realistic.

I replied "oh thanks a bunch, it's very short notice"

Sorry, he says.

I spent the day feeling sad and unappreciated.

He text me later on saying he'd look out for me on my way home from work.

Well when I did see him and he started to walk over to me I just carried on walking, I know he clocked me and will probably think I've been really rude.

How would you have handled this situation?

There is a pattern of me putting in more effort and energy than he does and I'm just tired of it.

No idea when I'll hear from him again and not sure I want to now.

Am I unreasonable and petty or is this perfectly reasonable after being messed around?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Hobnobswantshernameback · 25/08/2025 11:06

This thread is months old

FioFioSILK · 25/08/2025 11:05

Can you imagine life with him ? Constant let down. Is that what you want - to be sulking and upset and not talking to him. What a sad boring lonely existence. Move on and don't look back.

happinessischocolate · 17/02/2025 21:33

Hope you're okay OP

It's pants when a relationship goes to pot, no matter how long or short it is.

OldChairMan · 17/02/2025 08:28

Nikki75 · 17/02/2025 07:51

Pull back I think texting you at 7am in the morning he knew earlier he wasn't going to meet you or was thinking this the day before.
Dont keep giving him your time you will always have disappoints like these in the future.
Widen your circle date someone else.

Keep up... He was dumped last week.

Nikki75 · 17/02/2025 07:51

Pull back I think texting you at 7am in the morning he knew earlier he wasn't going to meet you or was thinking this the day before.
Dont keep giving him your time you will always have disappoints like these in the future.
Widen your circle date someone else.

LadeeLove · 16/02/2025 12:08

You left feeling sad and unappreciated...sit with these feelings as they are obvious indicators of how unhappy this relationship is after 6 months ONLY.

Freud2 · 15/02/2025 18:31

I think you just have to be honest and open with him about how this makes you feel. Use "I" statements rather than accusatory and that will improve the communication.

Butterfly292828 · 15/02/2025 11:49

GET SHUT! he will sap your energy! You will end up feeling shit every time. Tell him you decided to take a single friend after all, for breakfast & you have both met two nice single guys 🤣

Mervyco · 15/02/2025 08:31

Someone is taking the michael, and it sounds like him. If he was too ill to see you in the morning, he must be unique in that his illness last until he doesnt want to be ill. Time for someone better, who wants to be with you

TheBigFatMermaid · 15/02/2025 02:03

I'm glad you've dumped him.

I obviously don't know you but I do know that anyone is worth more than being treated like this. He may or may not be into you but he doesn't value you or your time enough.

Undrugged · 15/02/2025 00:03

Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 14:19

That's exactly what he does, if ever there's a minor disagreement or he has been a bit of an arse he pops back up like nothing has happened and expects you to have moved on from it with no actual discussion.

Imagine being married to someone like that for 20 years, it would drive me mental.

Thank you for the good wishes ☺️

Mm that is not good.

I’d say your hunch about him being inconsiderate and oblivious to others’ needs is absolutely spot on. I’m getting “really can’t be arsed dealing with other peoples inconvenient feelings” vibes.

well done for ditching the man -you’re worth more than that.

Mrsgreen100 · 14/02/2025 23:26

Well done, you put yourself first and put your boundaries in place good job dump him start again

RubyRedBow · 14/02/2025 23:24

He’s been dumped so he doesn’t need to respond to it. He can’t be overly bothered.

TheLargestToblerone · 14/02/2025 21:52

I think, knowing him, the lack of response might be a tactic on his part. He's probably expecting me to follow up on it and message again, hurt and baffled that he hasn't acknowledged me

What an excellent way for him to prove you've made the right decision. I hope it makes it easier to know that he's this much of a tit.

AngelicKaty · 14/02/2025 21:48

@Sadorpetty Glad to hear you won't be provoked OP. Again, if he really cared he'd be messaging you to apologise and ask for a second chance. He knows you've got him sussed now and he's doing nothing to alter your opinion. He won't change - ever.
Enjoy your freedom and let's raise a glass to not having your self-esteem undermined again - Cheers OP!🍾🤗

Bowies · 14/02/2025 21:36

Just move on OP. He’s made it very easy

Original poster
Sadorpetty · 14/02/2025 21:34

I agree he's not in the right space for a relationship if he can't commit to plans.

He didn't open my message calling it a day but I know he saw it. It's on WhatsApp and he gets the whole message as a push notification.

I think, knowing him, the lack of response might be a tactic on his part. He's probably expecting me to follow up on it and message again, hurt and baffled that he hasn't acknowledged me, I won't be doing.

OP posts:
asrl78 · 14/02/2025 18:49

For it to be classed as a relationship both people have to be putting in some effort. If he is constantly too tired/can't be bothered due to commitments then he shouldn't be dating until he can find the time and energy. Date someone who can be bothered.

Horses7 · 14/02/2025 18:36

He’s just not that into you. Don’t waste anymore time on him.

SigmaStarFlower · 14/02/2025 18:24

Just saw your last post. Yep walk away find someone who appreciates you x

SigmaStarFlower · 14/02/2025 18:18

You’re absolutely right to be annoyed and ignore him if that’s how you felt. He needs a taste of his own medicine. Weirdly some men think being given the brush off is a woman’s way of playing hard to get 😆 So he might start chasing you! Sounds like neither of you are in the right place for the type of relationship that you want. However the fact you’ve put your foot down might test your relationship and could go either way, up a notch and he will pull his socks up or… dissolve leaving you free to date someone else. Hope my statement doesn’t offend anyone but I think most men enjoy (and need) a kick up the backside 😆

FriendsDrinkBook · 14/02/2025 18:12

I'm happy for you op. It sounds like you've made the right decision.

SuzieQ300 · 14/02/2025 18:07

If he can't be bothered 6 months in I'd give this one a miss. At 6 months you should be butterflies in stomachs excited to see each other.

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 14/02/2025 17:46

I put YABU but only to blanking him. After 6 months I’d at least message and explain!
I don’t think he’s being unreasonable to rest if he’s not feeling up for it but you’re not being unreasonable to want more commitment after 6 month. you clearly just want different things unfortunately.

Clarice99 · 14/02/2025 15:34

Well done @Sadorpetty

You're worth more than someone who's flaky and apathetic.

💐