Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave them alone overnight?

137 replies

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 14:23

Trying to gauge if I'm being reasonable or being too paranoid.

DH and I would love a weekend away together. We have no family/friends nearby so have never really managed it. Family member could stay, but it's a 2.5 hour journey for them and would mean leaving their pet alone (I have animals so couldn't bring with)

Would be leaving early Saturday and getting home late afternoon/early evening Sunday. Approx 3 hours drive away.

Children are 16, (almost) 14 and 12. All are responsible, no drinking etc. The most challenging behaviour is watching YouTube too much and a dungeon and dragons game lasting too long.

They can cook, are very self sufficient. Are used to being left alone in the house for full days when DH and I are at work, but have never been alone overnight. Latest they have been alone is till about 11pm.

So, would you?

YABU - don't leave them alone overnight

YANBU - it's fine, they're old enough.

OP posts:
CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:14

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:11

Can nobody read? Clearly a 16 year old. If you trust them, as you clearly do, then I think it's fine. A little responsibility is good for kids. We definitely left my son when he was 16, he's now a very responsible 21 year old man.

Big difference between leaving a 16 year old alone and leaving a 16 year old alone with responsibility for a 13 year old and a 12 year old!

CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 15:13

If your gut says no, then it's a no. It doesn't matter what your family is telling you. Just wait a year or two and things will be different.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:12

My 12yo DD is a very old soul, and very responsible.

My 16yo DD is also incredibly responsible.

My 14yo DS is a really really good boy, absolute sweetheart but I think he would be worried (he's incredibly sensitive).

We have neighbours they know who could help, and I do have a friend locally if there were an emergency.

But, still, my gut says no. But my family are saying I'm being silly and not letting the kids grow up and experience being self sufficient.

Like I say, they've been left for evenings till late due to work etc but somehow overnight feels different even though they will all be asleep and stay asleep till about 2pm 😂

OP posts:
BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:11

Can nobody read? Clearly a 16 year old. If you trust them, as you clearly do, then I think it's fine. A little responsibility is good for kids. We definitely left my son when he was 16, he's now a very responsible 21 year old man.

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 15:10

There is no way the police would waste their time on this

BeardOToots · 13/02/2025 15:07

Irvinesv · 13/02/2025 14:25

Are you crazy? You’d actually be arrested if the police were aware

Don’t be ridiculous.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:06

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 14:45

Everyone is saying 16, but it's actually a 15 yo. Which is pretty disingenuous of OP.

Wait a couple of years and you're gravy. Not now though.

16yo looking after an almost 14 yo and 12yo.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 13/02/2025 15:05

No sorry I wouldn’t. If they were all older than 15 then yes’s but not the 12 and 14 year old.

Dramatic · 13/02/2025 15:05

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:03

To clarify

16yo
Almost 14 yo (2 weeks shy of 14)
12yo (turns 13 3 months later)

All very responsible and 16yo is incredibly trustworthy.

My gut is saying no, but family is telling me I'm being paranoid and they're old enough.

I was alone overnight, every night from 14yo looking after a 9yo and 12yo so I know my family think it's normal. But I'm uncomfortable which is why I'm asking.

If you're not happy with it then just wait another year or so. I do think that if they're all sensible and not likely to do anything stupid then they'll be absolutely fine, but you (and the kids) have to be happy with it.

LoveSandbanks · 13/02/2025 15:05

We didn’t leave ours overnight until the youngest was almost 16, the others were 19 and 22. We came home and they were running around like loons as someone’s shower had flooded the bathroom and was leaking through the kitchen ceiling.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:04

Moonnstars · 13/02/2025 14:29

No, it's not a 16 year old. It's a 15 year old looking after a 14 and 12 year old.
You are not wanting to leave them because of an emergency situation, simply because you and DH fancy a night away. Wait a few years til they are older, find a friend/organise sleepovers for them all or hire a childminder for the night (guess you don't want to pay for this though).

Will be 16 yo looking after, not 15..

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:04

Irvinesv · 13/02/2025 14:28

also they might be nearly 16 but currently still 15 - what would they do if one of them got sick, how would they judge whether this was serious enough to call for help and how would they even get help, what if something goes wrong in the house - would they know what to do? 3 hours is far too far away.

Will be 16.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 13/02/2025 15:03

Coconutter24 · 13/02/2025 15:01

I read it as 16, 13 and 12

Show quote history

Sorry I think maybe I read the comma in the wrong place. Either way it's a 16 year old looking after a 13 and 12 year old, I wouldn't do it. Especially as there isn't a family member near by.

AwakeNotThruChoice · 13/02/2025 15:03

Couldn’t they all stay at friends houses for sleepovers. Then you get your night away.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:03

To clarify

16yo
Almost 14 yo (2 weeks shy of 14)
12yo (turns 13 3 months later)

All very responsible and 16yo is incredibly trustworthy.

My gut is saying no, but family is telling me I'm being paranoid and they're old enough.

I was alone overnight, every night from 14yo looking after a 9yo and 12yo so I know my family think it's normal. But I'm uncomfortable which is why I'm asking.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 13/02/2025 15:01

Moonnstars · 13/02/2025 14:29

No, it's not a 16 year old. It's a 15 year old looking after a 14 and 12 year old.
You are not wanting to leave them because of an emergency situation, simply because you and DH fancy a night away. Wait a few years til they are older, find a friend/organise sleepovers for them all or hire a childminder for the night (guess you don't want to pay for this though).

I read it as 16, 13 and 12

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 15:01

None of them can even drive.

How is this relevant? Lots of adults can't drive.

Leave plenty of money for taxis etc.

ARainyNightInSoho · 13/02/2025 15:00

Irvinesv · 13/02/2025 14:25

Are you crazy? You’d actually be arrested if the police were aware

Could you share a link confirming this is illegal? Hint, it’s not illegal and OP would not be arrested.

I agree it’s not a good idea to leave the children but why make something up to state your point? What you said just isn’t true.

CremeEggThief · 13/02/2025 15:00

I don't know, but only because there's 3 of them. It would be completely fine to leave most 15 year olds alone for a night. My DS was 15 the first time he was left alone overnight. I went to a different city for a concert and we had no back-up person/ emergency plan. He was 16 the first time I left him home alone for 3 nights and went to another country.

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 15:00

This why children and young people are so anxious.

They are being told they can't cope with even a tiny bit of independence and responsibility.

A 16 year old is practically an adult. They can have a job, babysit, make their own medical decisions. 3 secondary age DC should be able to cope for one night with parents away.

Pelot · 13/02/2025 15:00

Nope. You're almost there OP. Just a few more years but no way would I leave a 15 year old in charge of a 12 year old overnight. None of them can even drive.

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 14:57

Is the 16 year old sensible & trustworthy?

How on earth do people think a 16 year old can't cope with a 12 & 14 year old

Op they will be fine. I would schedule their weekend a bit to ensure they aren't moping around bored. Eg has 12 yo got a friends house they can be dropped at Saturday afternoon for a few hours?

Suffolker · 13/02/2025 14:55

No I definitely wouldn’t. 16 is far too young to be left in charge of a 12 and 13 y/o, regardless of their emotional maturity.

CloudywMeatballs · 13/02/2025 14:55

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 14:54

That's @CloudywMeatballs I think you're right. Eats, Shoots and Leaves...

Ha ha, exactly. Although it's not immediately clear.

Dramatic · 13/02/2025 14:55

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 14:45

Everyone is saying 16, but it's actually a 15 yo. Which is pretty disingenuous of OP.

Wait a couple of years and you're gravy. Not now though.

I think the "almost" was about the 14yo not the 16yo.

Op yes I would do this for one night, I'd be making regular phone calls to check up on them.

I had my own baby by 17 and lived alone, I can't imagine a sensible 16yo is any different plus it's only one night and the other kids aren't toddlers or babies.

Swipe left for the next trending thread