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Original poster

Would you leave them alone overnight?

137 replies

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 14:23

Trying to gauge if I'm being reasonable or being too paranoid.

DH and I would love a weekend away together. We have no family/friends nearby so have never really managed it. Family member could stay, but it's a 2.5 hour journey for them and would mean leaving their pet alone (I have animals so couldn't bring with)

Would be leaving early Saturday and getting home late afternoon/early evening Sunday. Approx 3 hours drive away.

Children are 16, (almost) 14 and 12. All are responsible, no drinking etc. The most challenging behaviour is watching YouTube too much and a dungeon and dragons game lasting too long.

They can cook, are very self sufficient. Are used to being left alone in the house for full days when DH and I are at work, but have never been alone overnight. Latest they have been alone is till about 11pm.

So, would you?

YABU - don't leave them alone overnight

YANBU - it's fine, they're old enough.

OP posts:
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Drylogsonly · 17/02/2025 21:12

Mmm, no. The 16 year old can’t really look after everyone. Sorry.
would you REALLY relax????

Commonsense22 · 14/02/2025 20:54

I would ask the kids' friends' parents if the 14 and 12 year old could have sleepovers and leave the 16 year old alone. Or ask them to find a friend to stay with too.

Upyerbum111 · 14/02/2025 20:51

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 13/02/2025 15:12

My 12yo DD is a very old soul, and very responsible.

My 16yo DD is also incredibly responsible.

My 14yo DS is a really really good boy, absolute sweetheart but I think he would be worried (he's incredibly sensitive).

We have neighbours they know who could help, and I do have a friend locally if there were an emergency.

But, still, my gut says no. But my family are saying I'm being silly and not letting the kids grow up and experience being self sufficient.

Like I say, they've been left for evenings till late due to work etc but somehow overnight feels different even though they will all be asleep and stay asleep till about 2pm 😂

Listen to your gut, not anyone else. You know what to do. if it don’t feel right don’t do it.

cunoyerjudowel · 14/02/2025 20:46

I would say then in response that as long as they are alright with it then it's no issue but I would ensure someone closer by than you is aware just in case

Uricon2 · 14/02/2025 19:00

It really is predicated on the age of the youngest OP and IMO 12 is too young to be left in the care of a 16 year old overnight and also, bizarrely, too old. 16 year olds do care for their own babies but having authority and being listened to in a crisis, or if things have just gone a bit wrong isn't an issue there.

Also, do you honestly think you will have a relaxed time with the concern you already feel?

Literallynoonecares · 14/02/2025 18:59

No sorry, its too soon. I totally get you wanting a night or two away on your own so I sympathise. My DH and I live away from family and also had no-one to sit the girls so had no choice but to wait until they got older.

The first time we left ours was when our eldest was 17 and youngest was 13. Both sensible girls and even then, the first time we did it we just did a trial by having 1 night in a local hotel that was only 20 minutes away (we are lucky we live in a tourist area so have some lovely local boutique hotels nearby) It was easy enough for us to get back in an emergency. We were also lucky enough that we live in a safe village where all our neighbours are friends and they know us, so we gave them a heads up that the girls were on their own and could they be on standby in an emergency until we could get home. We left several mobile numbers of our neighbours with them and the number of the Hotel we were staying at incase we had no phone signal. So all bases covered. Needless to say they were fine and actually loved it enabling us to start leaving them for slightly longer and go slightly further.

Baby steps OP, you are not too far off so hang on in there. It will be worth it when they finally become of age I can promise you!

TuesdayRubies · 14/02/2025 18:55

I'd have a date night and get back late but I wouldn't leave a 12 yo overnight.

northernballer · 14/02/2025 18:50

Mine are this age and I wouldn't.

I also don't have a family to look after them, we've not had a night together on our own for 10 years now so i do sympathise but for me it's still too young.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2025 18:47

cunoyerjudowel · 14/02/2025 13:06

So I would always risk asses it like this:

What would happen if:
Fire
Burglary
Choking / allergic reaction
Leak
One of their friends came over and bought the class
Proximity of help / guidance

Fire : we have a well rehearsed escape plan.
Burglary: unlikely. We live on a private road that is gated, you can't even walk on it without one of the houses buzzing someone on.
Choking/allergic reaction: no allergies and they're not little so choking unlikely but always a risk. But this is a risk when they're home alone and we're at work so not much different.
Leak: unlikely, but possible. They know how to turn the water off.
Friends turning up: my kids are really not that "popular" at school for this to be a scenario. Plus, anyone coming would have to drive and be let in the gates.
Proximity of help: neighbours close by in the street and my friend about 10 mins away.

As I say, they're used to being home alone in the house, for very long days. It's just them being alone sleeping that makes me nervous, even though realistically that's probably when they're most safe.

OP posts:
cunoyerjudowel · 14/02/2025 13:06

So I would always risk asses it like this:

What would happen if:
Fire
Burglary
Choking / allergic reaction
Leak
One of their friends came over and bought the class
Proximity of help / guidance

Witchywoo41 · 14/02/2025 12:50

Only you know your kids and if you can trust them and they are happy to be alone then I think it’s fine. Are you happy to be three hours away though? Could you have a night somewhere closer to home?

Uricon2 · 14/02/2025 12:46

Firstly, the fact you were left in charge of your younger siblings at the age you were wasn't usual OP but if your family think it was, it's hardly surprising that they are encouraging you to do this.

Second, your DC could be the most sensible, trustworthy bunch of teenagers who ever lived, but it only takes an acquaintance who isn't to get wind of a parent free house and your 16 year old could be handling a situation that would be very difficult for them. It happens.

Nodddy · 14/02/2025 12:24

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2025 12:22

Haha, it's my girls who love D&D. My eldest is mad for it 😁

I am lucky in that I don't seem to have to worry about parties, drinking etc like other parents might. My kids are of the opinion that alcohol is for losers 😆

Show quote history

I'm so sorry. Yes, I meant to say children but clearly something else was on my mind!

Crack on. Give them a chance to impress you and 99% of the time they will!

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2025 12:22

Nodddy · 14/02/2025 12:08

Yes all fine. Prep properly, set out in advance and go over the rules.

Great time to allow them to grow up a bit.

Playing d&d into the early hours is a rite of passage for a lot of boys. They will love it.

Haha, it's my girls who love D&D. My eldest is mad for it 😁

I am lucky in that I don't seem to have to worry about parties, drinking etc like other parents might. My kids are of the opinion that alcohol is for losers 😆

OP posts:
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 12:14

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel I asked more or less the same question yesterday and more people said no don’t leave them than said yes. My dc are actually older than yours as well my eldest is an adult and lives independently at uni term time, their ages are dd19 (will be 20 the following week) ds16 and dd13 (2 months off turning 14). I was all up for until I asked on here, then I doubted myself so not sure what we are going to do.

Natsku · 14/02/2025 12:09

It would be fine OP if they're the sensible sort but if you're feeling uncomfortable with it then absolutely right to make other arrangements - you wouldn't enjoy your weekend at all if you're worrying.
Equally good to cancel if you think your more sensitive child might get upset - being home alone has to be something everyone is comfortable with.

Nodddy · 14/02/2025 12:08

Yes all fine. Prep properly, set out in advance and go over the rules.

Great time to allow them to grow up a bit.

Playing d&d into the early hours is a rite of passage for a lot of boys. They will love it.

Original poster
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2025 12:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Our whole house is surrounded by cctv, and we live on a private road of 4 houses so it's very secure.

Kids would never have a party, the worst that might happen is staying up late playing a board game.

It's weird for me, as I'm typically not a helicopter parent. I've always given my kids lots of latitude, I don't police them, our working shifts mean they are often on their own, getting themselves up and out to school alone, or home alone, locking the house, they can cook, clean etc. But for some reason, this overnight thing makes me worry. Even though sometimes they are alone till 11pm or from 4am if we both have to leave early for work and do absolutely fine!!

But something about them sleeping alone in the house all night gives me the wiggins.

OP posts:
UtterlyOtterly · 14/02/2025 12:02

I know all the arguments about not doing it but we mollycoddle children far too much.

At 13 I was happy to be left alone for a few days while my parents were away. I got myself to school and back, or pottered around at home if it was a weekend or the holidays. Absolute bliss, I loved sorting out my own meals and going to bed when I wanted. I wasn't a wild child though and my parents knew I wouldn't burn the house down.

Slippersandrum · 14/02/2025 11:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Person1234 · 14/02/2025 11:54

No, I wouldn't. The 16 year old shouldn't be left responsible for the other two.

Noodlesand · 14/02/2025 11:53

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2025 14:45

Everyone is saying 16, but it's actually a 15 yo. Which is pretty disingenuous of OP.

Wait a couple of years and you're gravy. Not now though.

There's a comma after 16, then the almost is in brackets before 14, so I believe they are 16, 13 and 12.

ETA: Just seen that the OP has indeed confirmed this.

LegallyBlende · 14/02/2025 11:49

I'm with you OP, I know they would 99% likely to be ok, and if it were an emergency, would cope...but my gut would not let me deliberately go 3 hours away, leaving a 12 and 13 year old with a 16 year old.

If I was only going to be 20 minutes away, or there was an adult very close, or the oldest was 18...

LoveSandbanks · 14/02/2025 10:25

Gogogo12345 · 14/02/2025 10:14

What about the people who can't read? I said nothing about anyone else I said I would feel I had failed.

Obviously hit a nerve lol

Show quote history

You said you’d feel embarrassed to be in my position. That is a judgemental comment on my parenting.

have you hit a nerve? No, not really, I think you comment smacks of ignorance of other families and the way they operate.

I mean, I’d be embarrassed if my children were trying drugs or got a girl pregnant while young. I’d be really embarrassed if they were rude to others but mopping up water from a leak whilst having a mild little wtf, no im not embarrassed about that.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/02/2025 10:23

This thread is a clear example of why young adults and teens are lacking confidence and resilience. Bloody hell.

Swipe left for the next trending thread