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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask them to put the heating on,?

235 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 13:58

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

OP posts:
lightand · 13/02/2025 16:39

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 13/02/2025 14:00

I’d speak to my mum, give her £50 and tell her can she heat the house to 18 for the next 5 days as the house is so cold you can’t feel your fingers or face

This.

It is what I do when I go somewhere.

HauntedBungalow · 13/02/2025 16:35

13 degrees is crazy and a health hazard.

Some people are just tight though and it's not necessarily an age thing. I have friends in their forties/fifties who engage in competitive heating frugality. My own parents, silent generation if you will, keep their home warm - my dear old ma says she grew up in a freezing house and it was miserable so she doesn't want to experience that again.

EmmaMaria · 13/02/2025 16:32

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 13/02/2025 14:15

Yes just ask. How old are they? If they are old enough to qualify for extra money for heating then they do actually have to spend that money on heating.

Its not relevant - the OP says they are well off - but no, pensiioners who get the winter fuel allowance do not have to spend it on heating. They can spend it as they wish.

Anonforthis58 · 13/02/2025 16:27

13 degrees is actually very dangerous for their health.

Christwosheds · 13/02/2025 16:27

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 15:21

They've got a log burner but won't use it because it burns logs too fast!

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Maybe buy a few sacks of logs ? You could then keep it going through the day until they come home.

NancyJoan · 13/02/2025 16:25

My MIL is the same. When she was working, the heating came on for an hour or two at each end of the day, and even though she is almost 80, less mobile than she used to be, and at home a lot, the timer is set to the same times and her house is FREEZING. We live in an old, poorly insulated house, so ours is never overly warm, but I feel cold through to the bone after and hour or two at hers. She is currently looking at moving. Probably to an igloo.

niadainud · 13/02/2025 16:24

Growlybear83 · 13/02/2025 16:08

I think it's difficult. I couldn't function in that sort of temperature and we always have our heating on all day when it's cold, and have the thermostat set to 25 degrees because it's a big old draughty house. But whilst I think that you should think of your guests and your mum should realise that you're cold, I also think it's very rude to ask anyone else to put their heating on or turn it up if they wouldn't usually do that. I think I would just wrap myself up in a nice throw.

Is it any ruder than making your guests uncomfortable?

ImmediateReaction · 13/02/2025 16:21

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 13/02/2025 14:15

Yes just ask. How old are they? If they are old enough to qualify for extra money for heating then they do actually have to spend that money on heating.

Op says they are quite well off, just tight by the sound of it

Growlybear83 · 13/02/2025 16:20

@oakleaffy I'm puzzled by your comment about not using cooking apples - how do you make apple pies, crumbles, and apple sauce?I will admit I don't use loads of them but do buy them regularly.

I'm not sure that refusing to throw any leftover food is confined to people whom lived through the was and post war years. My husband is the worst person I know for refusing to throw anything away. I caught him eating mince pies last night with a best before date in early December, with double cream with a use by date of 7 February. 🤢.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 16:19

@justasking111 I'm going home again on Saturday afternoon otherwise I possibly would.

At home we tend not to run the heating during the day, even though DH and I both primarily WFH. Instead we heat our studies with little oil-filled electric radiators. . But when the weather is this cold we do run the heating constantly otherwise the house chills down too much.

OP posts:
Rainbow1901 · 13/02/2025 16:18

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 14:28

They're in their 80s and have plenty of money. It's not that they can't afford it, just that he thinks heating the house is wasteful

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That premise works while they are both out all day or most days. You are there presumably during the day as you are wfh! Quite reasonable to ask for the heating to be on while you are there.

tillytoodles1 · 13/02/2025 16:17

My in-laws kept their house at 14 degrees. They lived 200 miles away so we couldn't just visit, and quite often we chose not to go as we knew it would be too cold.
When we did go, they wouldn't turn the heating up, saying it was warm enough. We used to sleep with our clothes under our PJ'S.

justasking111 · 13/02/2025 16:16

Just buy a heater for £19.20 from Argos

To ask them to put the heating on,?
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/02/2025 16:15

MuttsNutts · 13/02/2025 15:45

24 degrees in the house would be unbearable. Would rather be cold than sweltering in a stuffy house.

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The air can still be cold in my flat even at 24. We ended up having a second radiator in the living room which has improved things but it still feels cold half the time.

FrenchandSaunders · 13/02/2025 16:12

I'm feeling quite faint at some of these temperatures ... 25 degrees 😮

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 16:11

@niadainud my dad was quite disabled towards the end of his life so needed the heating on high. Mum tended not to leave him much so they would quite often sit watching TV for some of the day

She's now much more active, out all the time and I think doesn't feel the cold as much. But there is also definitely an element of it being "his house, his rules". Don't get me wrong, he's very kind and lovely but quite set in his ways. The heating goes on in the evening for a couple of hours, and again in the morning from 6 .30. - 8am, but that's it.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 13/02/2025 16:08

I think it's difficult. I couldn't function in that sort of temperature and we always have our heating on all day when it's cold, and have the thermostat set to 25 degrees because it's a big old draughty house. But whilst I think that you should think of your guests and your mum should realise that you're cold, I also think it's very rude to ask anyone else to put their heating on or turn it up if they wouldn't usually do that. I think I would just wrap myself up in a nice throw.

DreamW3aver · 13/02/2025 16:06

CurlewKate · 13/02/2025 14:38

I would expect my adult children just to turn it up!
If I was in someone else's house I would do what someone else suggested and offer to pay for extra heating, explaining the it's too cold for you to work effectively.

My parents dont have a cold house but there's no circumstance in which I or my siblings would unilaterally fiddle with their heating, they'd be completely flummoxed by that.

To me that's something you don't change if you don't live in a house, no harm in asking but as a PP said people don't tend to change their heating habits

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 16:06

Crikeyalmighty · 13/02/2025 15:55

I remember when my MIL used to come round ( RIP) and was staying for a few days and would bring 1/4 of an ion, half a lemon, 6 slices of bread etc - and we aren't poor. I'm sure you get the gist - !!

Oh yes!

After my dad died and mum was living alone I found a box of eggs in her kitchen. They were 6 months out of date but mum wouldn't let me throw them out as "eggs last for ages beyond their use by date" which they do. But not 6 months!

She's been known to turn up with 2 (very) out of date yoghurts because she didn't want to waste them.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 13/02/2025 16:04

Fair enough when it's just them in and out but they should put it on whilst you are staying and working from there.

They do sound amazing for their age ... cycling 20 miles, and out and about all the time, lovely.

BatchCookBabe · 13/02/2025 16:02

I'm not really overly fussy - and do have fairly basic wants and needs when it comes to a man. But it would be a deal breaker for me, if I met a man who was so tight-arsed that he wouldn't 'allow' the heating on when it's 2 degrees C outside. I bet he won't have the aircon on in the car til it's over 45 degrees C either!

He probably hates Christmas as well, thinks birthdays are for children, and Valentines Day and Mothers Day etc are commercialised bollocks. In addition, I bet he wants to split the bill every time you both buy anything/go anywhere, and makes sure he only pays for what he has had. And he is almost definitely shit in bed..

As has been said, what a miserable way to live. If it's cold, stick the fucking heating on! That's what it's for FGS!

custardpyjamas · 13/02/2025 16:02

They probably go out so much because it is freezing at home! Turn it up and tell your mum sorry but I really had to turn the heating on, I couldn't work I was so cold, I'll obviously pay for the extra cost. He may be mortified that a guest was cold in his house if he's as nice as you say.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 16:02

Thanks everyone.

I'll talk to them about the heating when they get home. In the meantime, in desperation I went hunting in the garage and found a portable fan heater! The bedroom I'm working in isn't that big so I'm hoping I can warm it up.

OP posts:
bullrushes · 13/02/2025 16:02

Do people even use cooking apples these days?!

Weird comment of the day. Of course they do. Anyone who wants to make apple pie, apple crumble etc uses cooking apples..

Crikeyalmighty · 13/02/2025 15:55

I remember when my MIL used to come round ( RIP) and was staying for a few days and would bring 1/4 of an ion, half a lemon, 6 slices of bread etc - and we aren't poor. I'm sure you get the gist - !!