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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask them to put the heating on,?

235 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 13:58

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

OP posts:
couldabutdidnt · 14/02/2025 12:43

@HauntedBungalow maybe they are tight or maybe…

you're a big baby!

HauntedBungalow · 14/02/2025 11:39

Every teams meeting I have in the only one in layer's - don’t people want to wear their lovely winter knitwear?

They're probably just not tight.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 14/02/2025 09:26

Every teams meeting I have in the only one in layer's - don’t people want to wear their lovely winter knitwear?

I can't bear wool so no. It's scratchy and makes me itch.

Ddakji · 14/02/2025 09:25

I can’t wear wool so that’s not an option but also, if the air is really cold, my body might be warm but my face and hands are feeezing. If the heating goes off and we’re sitting watching a movie, what am I meant to put over my nose to stop it turning into a block of ice??

I don’t work in order to shiver in my own home. I grew up with a dad with this kind of mentality and it was pretty miserable to be honest.

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 09:21

@InterestQ snap, I’ve just checked and in the kitchen is just below 15c and I feel fine! Like you I’m wearing sheepskin slippers and cashmere jumper and skirt, love winter clothes.

InterestQ · 14/02/2025 09:18

I’m starting to wonder if my room thermometer is broken as it says 14 and I feel fine - I do wear winter clothes though, because it’s colder! I’ve got sheepskin slippers on, wool trousers, a merino thermal vest on and a thick cashmere poloneck. I can’t see my breath and there is no damp in the house! It’s old but not damp. Will light the log burner around 4pm which will get it up to 18C fairly quickly.

Wool is where it’s at!

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 08:57

@Ddakji if we have guests and we will be sitting around and
it is cold, I would light the wood burner in the sitting room (I would never do this if it’s just me and DH). I just can’t imagine turning the central heating on and heating the whole house though.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/02/2025 08:45

I agree, at home we only heat our studies during the day, but the rest of the house doesn't drop below 16.

I may have "won" the heating battle but got told off by Mum this morning for overfilling the kettle. apparently I'd put in enough water to fill two mugs when I was only making one drink. Thereby wasting electricity. This was whilst she and her partner were having a conversation about whether to go to New Zealand on holiday next year. 😅

OP posts:
Ddakji · 14/02/2025 08:45

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 08:05

Never in a million years would I put the heating on during the day. I am however mostly moving so don’t feel it. When I sit down for lunch I do feel cold so put a jacket on.

I completely understand though that someone working from home in our house would feel extremely cold if they’re sitting still for long periods.

I just can’t imagine ever having a house heated to 24c or even 22c, that’s considered a decent summer day in the UK!

It always amazes me that on Gogglebox, only Mary and Giles are rugged up with everyone else often in T shirts. Every teams meeting I have in the only one in layer's - don’t people want to wear their lovely winter knitwear?

I know “never in a million years” is just a phrase but would you not even when you have guests, especially elderly ones? I would hate to think people are cold inside my house, and as it’s Victorian with big sash windows we always whack up the heating when people visit.

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 08:05

Never in a million years would I put the heating on during the day. I am however mostly moving so don’t feel it. When I sit down for lunch I do feel cold so put a jacket on.

I completely understand though that someone working from home in our house would feel extremely cold if they’re sitting still for long periods.

I just can’t imagine ever having a house heated to 24c or even 22c, that’s considered a decent summer day in the UK!

It always amazes me that on Gogglebox, only Mary and Giles are rugged up with everyone else often in T shirts. Every teams meeting I have in the only one in layer's - don’t people want to wear their lovely winter knitwear?

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/02/2025 07:55

@letthemeatcakes they do have it on in morning and evening but they are both out almost every day so don't put it on during the day as they are effectively heating an empty house.

I think my mum is home this afternoon. Her partner is playing golf this morning and then possibly cycling this afternoon. It will be interesting to see if she puts the heating on.

I'm sorted now with a heater for the room I'm working in. I wish I'd raised it earlier in the week rather than freezing!

OP posts:
letthemeatcakes · 14/02/2025 03:37

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 13:58

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

As they are both at least 80 they need the heating on.

thatringoffire · 14/02/2025 03:32

Can't you just ask them if they have some blankets you can put round you as you're so cold.

They should get the hint!

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/02/2025 02:39

Hi everyone

I chatted to my mum about it. Her partner lit the wood burner in the living room last night and so it was toasty warm! He's also magicked up a portable heater for the bedroom I'm working in so I can keep that room warm.

I don't know why the house falls to such a low temperature during the day given that they do run the heating morning and evening. It's a well built house with good insulation. It's an "executive" style 5 bedrooms house and they've turned off the radiators in the 4 bedrooms they don't use regularly, although they've turned them back on in the room I sleep in and the room I work in. They also have the radiator turned off in their dining room as they always eat in the kitchen. So maybe 1/3 of the house is unheated.

They've got 6 friends coming over for Sunday lunch this weekend so they'd better put the heating on in the dining room tomorrow. All their friends are also in their 80s so they will definitely feel the cold!

Mum's partner was telling me yesterday that he's going to go to a butcher 30 minutes away to get the joint because they sell really good organic meat. Money definitely isn't an issue here!

OP posts:
MoonWoman69 · 13/02/2025 22:07

Ooh you wouldn't like my house then! I have the back door, which is in the living room, held open with a wedge for the kitties to come in and out, most of the day! Once they come in for the night, the door is shut. And if I'm too cold during the day, the door gets shut and the heating goes on!
We've got a newish boiler, about 4 years old. But it's very economical, we don't use much gas in a month, even if I've had it on a lot!

CandyCane457 · 13/02/2025 20:34

If I was spending an evening at a friends house I’d probably feel rude/cheeky asking, but at my mums, I absolutely would ask!

Sherararara · 13/02/2025 19:59

All this tip toeing around not wanting to offend. Tell them it’s ridiculously cold and that if they don’t put the heating on you will leave. And then do so.

FrenzyFriend · 13/02/2025 19:51

Do you have to stay there?

Ddakji · 13/02/2025 19:48

CherryMarigold · 13/02/2025 18:11

I hardly ever have the heating on during the day but would put it on if a visitor asked. I don't think 13 is particularly cold if you're dressed for the winter.

13 is below the recommended temperature for the workplace. The heating broke in our office this week and it was below 16 (the recommended lowest temp) and after an hour or so everyone was in coats, scarfs, hats and gloves.
The OP is trying to work, 13 is much too cold.

Convolvulus · 13/02/2025 18:37

They are right that there is no point in having the heating on when there is no-one in. However, if they have a guest at home all day it seems to me a no-brainer that they put the heating on, or at the very least make sure guest has a heater and is reassured that the hosts are very happy for it to be used.

Pushmepullu · 13/02/2025 18:36

Bignanna · 13/02/2025 18:03

Those on pension credit still receive it!

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But clearly OP parent and partner are not on Pension Credits.

Decafflatteplease · 13/02/2025 18:24

Bignanna · 13/02/2025 18:00

Do you like living in a fridge? Under 16 can be damaging for both health and house! I couldn’t tolerate it. We’ve set ours at 18, and that’s not all that warm.
£300 a month is a huge amount! Is the boiler very old? Do you have a very old, big house?

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Of course I don't like it this cold! We can't afford to put it on longer really. Yes to an old boiler and yes to a large old house our ceilings are 12 foot high! I dream of being able to afford a new build 😞

Icepinkeskimo · 13/02/2025 18:22

Just gently remind them op, hypothermia is no laughing matter.

decorativecushions · 13/02/2025 18:22

Yeah there's no way I'd put up with that!

Ask for the heating on and not just for an hour. The thermostat needs to be set to 18. If they refuse, don't stay with them any longer.

goodkidsmaadhouse · 13/02/2025 18:21

0ohLarLar · 13/02/2025 17:13

Are people living in terribly insulated houses that it is routinely falling to 13?

I live in an early 80s house. Double glazed windows, quite old ones. Insulated loft. Good thick lined curtains on all windows, carpeted floors.

We had a boiler problem not long back. It took all night over night for the temperature inside to fall to 15. If your heating is coming on to reheat your home in the evening/at night how is it constantly getting so low? You need to improve your insulation/windows.

Would love it if our house was like this. It’s detached and very old with weird glass bits added on and there are a lot of places the heat is just sucked right out. We heat it to 17 degrees morning and evening but an hour after the heating goes off most rooms will be back down to 14 or 15 and that keeps falling. Every winter I threaten to move but it’s so lovely in summer that we end up staying another year 😆