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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask them to put the heating on,?

235 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/02/2025 13:58

If you're a guest in someone's house, is it ok to ask them to turn the heating on/up?

I live in an old draughty house with big single glazed sash windows, so I'm quite used to being chilly. We try to keep the house at about 18, it's very difficult to get it above that but if a guest was cold I would have no issues with plugging in additional heaters etc.

I'm currently staying with my mum for a few days. She lives with her partner and has moved into his house. It's freezing. The living room has a thermometer in it and it's currently 13C. It's a modernish house, fully double glazed and centrally heated.

They split the bills. They are quite well off - nice cars, several holidays a year - so it's not a money issue. According to mum, her partner thinks it's wasteful if they put the heating on during the day, as they are out a lot. They are both retired. They do go out a lot but usually one or both come home at lunchtime. They are usually both in by 5pm but the heating doesn't come on until nearer to 6.

I'm trying to work from here for a few days. I am so cold it's difficult to concentrate. AIBU to ask (insist?) that the heating is on during the day?

OP posts:
cardibach · 14/02/2025 19:14

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 19:09

@cardibach sorry , just rushing out the door. This is a summary of the MM programme which is on BBC sounds. I did read a paper on the benefits of cooler temperatures and will try and find it at the weekend.

Even the government I think, within its official advice on temperatures, says there is little robust evidence to support temperatures of above 18c unless you’re elderly or have a health condition.

If people find temperatures of 18c and under uncomfortable, does that mean you’re putting your heating on in the summer too?

Well, my house isn’t under 18 in the summer. I set a thermostat (it’s in my living space) for 16 most of the time and 18 in the mornings and evenings. It doesn’t come on in the summer. It’s usually hotter inside than out, right?
Edit to add - I’m really uncomfortable under 17.5, so 15 is nuts. Did Moseley do a proper study? It’s easy to say…

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 19:09

@cardibach sorry , just rushing out the door. This is a summary of the MM programme which is on BBC sounds. I did read a paper on the benefits of cooler temperatures and will try and find it at the weekend.

Even the government I think, within its official advice on temperatures, says there is little robust evidence to support temperatures of above 18c unless you’re elderly or have a health condition.

If people find temperatures of 18c and under uncomfortable, does that mean you’re putting your heating on in the summer too?

To ask them to put the heating on,?
Rockchicknana · 14/02/2025 19:07

oakleaffy · 13/02/2025 14:57

THIS ☝️

It's the rationing thing.

Mum won't throw anything out of her fridge, either.

It's crazy.

Rationing at such a crucial stage of their childhoods has left an indelible mark on their psyche.

''Make do and mend'' - don't waste food...my neighbour was the same {War generation} - she actually got upset as someone was giving her cooking apples off their tree, and Doreen as a widow of 90 couldn't possibly use up great bags of cooking apples.

I took them away and put them on. a compost heap as she was so distressed about waste.

Do people even use cooking apples these days?!

Show quote history

Yes we use cooking apples! Apple crumble or pie or baked apples - great puds for winter!!

cardibach · 14/02/2025 19:01

BigButtons · 14/02/2025 18:18

I keep mine at 13.5 during the day. I wear warm cloths. It’s absolutely fine.

No it isn’t.

tommyhoundmum · 14/02/2025 18:50

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 13/02/2025 14:15

Yes just ask. How old are they? If they are old enough to qualify for extra money for heating then they do actually have to spend that money on heating.

You can spend the money as you choose.

Bignanna · 14/02/2025 18:48

BigButtons · 14/02/2025 18:18

I keep mine at 13.5 during the day. I wear warm cloths. It’s absolutely fine.

That’s akin to living in an igloo!

Dugongs · 14/02/2025 18:38

Dawninglory · 13/02/2025 14:52

I work for Age Uk and recommended temperatures for the house are 18 degrees minimum.

I could be wrong, but I also think any office is supposed to maintain this as a 'minimum' standard.

Having said that .. my hot water bottle is a staple in freezing days at home 🙂

cardibach · 14/02/2025 18:35

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 17:49

@wfhwfh there’s a whole lot of research suggesting turning your thermostat down has considerable health benefits, particularly cardiovascular and metabolism related but also mood. Michael Mosley did a whole programme on it. Also latest research has suggested that (unless you’re elderly or have health issues of course) the guidelines of 18-21C are unnecessarily high for most people.

Any links? Because it’s not what most health organisations say.

catlover123456789 · 14/02/2025 18:27

I'd buy a heated blanket or a small electric heater and heat the room you are in. I can understand they don't want to heat the whole house but 13c is too low. I can only get mine to about 15c so the heated throw is a godsend.

BigButtons · 14/02/2025 18:18

I keep mine at 13.5 during the day. I wear warm cloths. It’s absolutely fine.

3LittleFishes · 14/02/2025 18:10

I moved house because I couldn't get my old house warm enough!
Being cold unnecessarily is a miserable way to live.

ArtTheClown · 14/02/2025 17:54

Also latest research has suggested that (unless you’re elderly or have health issues of course) the guidelines of 18-21C are unnecessarily high for most people.

18 is barely comfortable.

Ddakji · 14/02/2025 17:51

cardibach · 14/02/2025 15:14

I don’t know about @Ddakji but I put a coat on to go outside. Scarf, gloves and hat too if necessary. I don’t tend to have those on in the house or to make a trip to the loo.

Show quote history

A mindboggling stupid question from that poster that isn’t worthy of a response.

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 17:49

@wfhwfh there’s a whole lot of research suggesting turning your thermostat down has considerable health benefits, particularly cardiovascular and metabolism related but also mood. Michael Mosley did a whole programme on it. Also latest research has suggested that (unless you’re elderly or have health issues of course) the guidelines of 18-21C are unnecessarily high for most people.

wfhwfh · 14/02/2025 16:17

I did read that having the heating on too high could led to impaired metabolism and encourage obesity. But I think this was people who have the heating on constantly at 22 degrees.

13 degrees is a bit extreme. I think your mum and partner could afford to have daytime temp at 18 degrees (falling at night) and still get the metabolic benefits (and without being uncomfortable).

But it does certainly sound like they are fit & healthy!

Elphame · 14/02/2025 16:16

cardibach · 14/02/2025 15:12

Do you live in a huge house or is it poorly insulated? My power bills are £85 a month - down quite a bit on last year because I had new double glazing installed. It’s paying for itself. And that’s an 1860ish cottage with no damp course or insulation through the walls.

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Yes it's large but it is insulated to the maximum that is economically viable.

Ironically our new "efficient" boiler costs more to run than the 1970s one it replaced at a cost of £6000 (had to be re-sited due to new regs).

Trickedbyadoughnut · 14/02/2025 16:09

Gosh, I hope I'm that fit and active if I make old bones! (Although I expect I'll want the heating on a bit more than that 😅)

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/02/2025 15:54

They are very fit and active. Mum's partner plays golf several times a week, rides his bike all over the place and also never sits still. Mum walks to the village shop (a mile away) most mornings, then is out at various activities most days - weekly choir practice, weekly art group, weekly volunteering in village shop (community shop), monthly book group etc.

Then they usually go out somewhere one day a week, they are near the Cotswolds so live a day out looking at antiques shops and having coffee and cake somewhere.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 14/02/2025 15:40

They sound amazing!

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 15:32

Gosh I referred to people on Teams Meetings in the middle of winter without any layers ie wearing t shirts and I now seem to be some sort of monster because I wear a jumper instead of heating an entire house for one person.

@AnnaQuayInTheUk I bet your mum and her partner enjoy a long and healthy old age - good luck to them.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 14/02/2025 15:27

Well, I've just solved the mystery of how my Mum stays warm. I popped downstairs to make a cup of coffee and she was in the living room skipping. Round their very large coffee table whilst watching some property programme. Apparently she does 50 minutes of this if she's ever in the house for the afternoon. Not just skipping, she also does hopping (although for some reason not jumping) and some lunges.

I just hope I have her energy if I ever get to her age!

OP posts:
MogwaiAfterMidnight · 14/02/2025 15:15

I see the competitive warmth misers are out in force.

When I were't kid, we used t'ave tu't sleep in't ice cube.

It's 1 degree in't my 'ouse 'n' I 'ad tu't strip down tu't me pants & socks afore I melted. What? Me lips am always blue when I'm too 'ot.

If you like money more than warmth, go for it but don't impose it on everybody else.

Just turn up the heat and if anything is said, chuck a fiver at him.

cardibach · 14/02/2025 15:14

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 13:33

@Ddakji we must have very different houses, with a woodburner going for visitors the loo would never be glacial, and unless it’s really exceptionally cold nor would it be with heating on in the early mornings and evenings. How do you cope with going outside?

I don’t know about @Ddakji but I put a coat on to go outside. Scarf, gloves and hat too if necessary. I don’t tend to have those on in the house or to make a trip to the loo.

ArtTheClown · 14/02/2025 15:13

I’m assuming you put a layer or two on to adapt for the temperature. That’s what a lot of us do inside in winter.

If you're outside you're generally moving though, if it's cold. You'll be out for a reason, you wouldn't just layer up and go and sit in the cold.

AzurePanda · 14/02/2025 15:12

@Ddakji well I’m assuming you put a layer or two on to adapt for the temperature. That’s what a lot of us do inside in winter.