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Original poster

Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

332 replies

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 14/02/2025 18:01

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:24

Obviously dd is more than capable of looking after herself but not sure if it’s fair to make her responsible for the younger 2. They all get on well and dd comes home from uni regularly and it’s like she’s never been gone.

As her if she would be happy to take responsibility, give her a little time to think about it. If she agrees and is confident, go away. Treat your eldest to something nice when you get home. I hope you have a good time.

WhiteLily1 · 14/02/2025 17:57

Also, at 19 I wouldn’t have trusted myself to look after anyone at all for 4 days. Couldn’t even say I would have taken all that good care of myself 🤣 let alone be responsible for 2 younger siblings. One night yes. Not 4.

Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:56

She could stay at grandparents yes but she would prefer to stay at home, eldest dd would also be offended if I shipped her sister off.

OP posts:
WhiteLily1 · 14/02/2025 17:56

Glorybox2025 · 13/02/2025 13:29

What's the reason people wouldn't leave the 13 year old with their two older siblings?

I have 13 year old who needs a fair bit of interaction and supervision still. He’s pretty immature in decision making / risk taking and organisation.
Not fair to ask the 19 year old to constantly supervise. If anything went wrong, I would blame myself, not my 19 year old.

MN2025 · 14/02/2025 17:55

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 13/02/2025 13:21

Dh and I have never been away with out kids not even for a night. I want to suggest a 4 night city break to him but before I do just wondering if you would leave dc of these ages home alone? Grandparents live a couple of miles away and would pop in everyday and happily run my youngest to activities.
DD 19 (holidays so back from uni)
DS 16
DD 13

As long as DD19 stays there for the whole duration of your trip then no issues, if not, then I’d be asking DGP to be coming to stay over.

If you have a ring door bell set this up on the 19/16 year old phones so they do not open the front door to strangers!

Set rules around cooking if you feel you need to…

MumTeacherofMany · 14/02/2025 17:54

I wouldn't leave a 13 Yr old personally. Could the youngest stay at grandparents?

Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:54

And if she wasn’t capable I think her dad and I would have massively failed in the parenting department.

OP posts:
Wingingitnancy · 14/02/2025 17:54

Pippa12 · 13/02/2025 13:24

Your 19 year old is an adult so personally I would leave my 16 year old with them.

I wouldn’t leave them responsible for the 13 year old tho. Perhaps the grandparents can look after the youngest for you?

Have a great time wherever you go!

This is my feelings tbh 19 and 16 together yup. Not 13. But I'm going from my experiences. Your 19 year old might be babysitter by night and sensible beyond years 😅.

Original poster
PinkPinkPinkBlue · 14/02/2025 17:51

It’s abroad Easter school holidays, our holidays seem to start a week later than a lot of the country, so if we go in the second week eldest dd would of turned 20 a few days before. I think we are going to do it, at 20 years old she is definitely capable of being responsible for 5 days.

OP posts:
Vinomummyinlockdown · 14/02/2025 17:50

Gen X here … we raised ourselves and we were fine 😆💃🙌

liveforsummer · 14/02/2025 17:49

This is wild 😆. I'm pretty relaxed - very in the mumsnet scheme of things but usually there is horror at a dc that age staying alone for a few hours now it's ok for 5 days. I don't think it's fair to leave older dc in charge for that long - big responsibility for the 19 yo who probably wants to spend some with friends etc. No way would I do this. 13 yo to grandparents and leave the other 2 seems better

Jack80 · 14/02/2025 17:47

Yeah unless they are not to be trusted

liveforsummer · 14/02/2025 17:46

loropianalover · 13/02/2025 13:25

Yes I would happily do this. I was often left alone from 12 onwards and was always fine, so 3 siblings plus grandparents on call wouldn’t phase me one bit.

For 5 days?

veryverytiredmummy · 14/02/2025 17:46

Is the City break in England or Wales (assuming you are)? If not you'll be leaving 2 children without anyone within the jurisdiction who holds PR if something does happen.

If the break is in the UK, I'd put something in writing that enables the 19 year old and the Grandparents to authorise medical treatment.

I wouldn't go abroad until the youngest was 16 probably 17 tbh.

Member984815 · 14/02/2025 10:03

I know it was the 90s and a different time but when I was 16 I babysat my 7 and 4 year old siblings whilst my parents went away for the weekend I also had an older sibling and one a couple years younger but they took care of themselves. With all the technology now it's easier to check in and keep an eye on them. We had a neighbour pop in to see we were alright but she wasn't intrusive just called round once made it known if we wanted anything to go to her .it's good for them to manage themselves for a while

User788889 · 14/02/2025 04:46

LazyArsedMagician · 13/02/2025 16:36

it's not fair to leave the older ones reasonable for them

I don't understand this thought. This is a 13 year old, not a 3 year old. Even if they live on pot noodles and go to bed at 3am for four days, so what?

Plus - maybe ASK the 19 year old first before assuming they won't do it?

I agree with those posters saying no wonder kids are growing up with no idea how to do anything.

I would pay them. It’s like asking them to babysit they should get something from it, £100 sounds fair to me but maybe just a gesture that they would appreciate. Parents never assume your older kids should just babysit. Ask them if they are comfortable first and ideally offer them something in return. They are helping you after all

NotVeryFunny · 14/02/2025 01:08

The world has gone fucking completely insane if it's not ok to leave a 13 year old with a 19 year old sibling for a few days,

rainbowunicorn · 13/02/2025 23:51

Timetoheal4good · 13/02/2025 14:40

Am I silly for being confused by the emphasis in some responses being placed on making sure there are healthy meals cooked each night?

I absolutely think that it's fine to leave them, especially with GP being in and out. But I'm baffled by PP thinking that the 19 year old will be a surrogate parent while you're away. They will manage fine as long as they get on well enough and they keep tabs on each others whereabouts/everyone is safe and in bed each night.

As far as I'm concerned, if they eat takeaways, watch TV and spend 5 days online on a game console, that is fine too. In fact, I'd probably expect it. I moved out at 17 and thrived. The house won't be clean to your standards but ask that they try and work together.

Someone suggested the 19 year old having to supervise all cooking? Surely 16 year olds are more than capable of preparing food for themselves 🙈

Yep, mumsnet is a completely different world from anything I've ever experienced.

rainbowunicorn · 13/02/2025 23:49

Winter2020 · 13/02/2025 13:29

I would if the 19 year old is responsible and explicitly agreed to be the responsible adult - to be in the house/with their siblings say 7pm - 7am and to ensure there was an evening meal whether bought or cooked. If the younger siblings cook the 19 year old would need to supervise.

I would probably offer the 19 year old a couple of hundred quid to mind their siblings- on top of grocery/take away money - to be paid when I got home and everyone and the house was in one piece.

If the 19 year old did not agree to mind their siblings I wouldn't go.

Why on earth would the 19 year old need to supervise a 13 year old and a 16 year old cooking. My kids cooked regularly from 12 without supervision as do many. They aren't toddlers. Are you seriously saying you would supervise a 16 year old cooking some pasta? No wonder we have a generation of young adults that are unable to do basic things.

TheChosenTwo · 13/02/2025 23:48

Samung · 13/02/2025 22:36

Well children need to learn at some point that the world doesn't turn around them and their parents are allowed to enjoy some time without them just once in a while.

Show quote history

100% imo!
At 13 surely they know that not everything has to involve them? And that people (including parents) have lives outside of them?
Anyway, I go away with my children and enjoy it and go away without them totally guilt free.
Op I hope you can find a way to make it work.

ragandbonewoman · 13/02/2025 23:15

If you have a ring doorbell then go for it

Samung · 13/02/2025 22:36

HairyToity · 13/02/2025 21:34

My 13 yo would be devastated, she loves a city break... Personally I'd feel guilty.

Well children need to learn at some point that the world doesn't turn around them and their parents are allowed to enjoy some time without them just once in a while.

BrieAndChilli · 13/02/2025 21:48

Fuck me, a 19 year old could have a couple of babies, be married, being the army, work as a Nanny, work in a variety of jobs with responsibility, have a mortgage, work in a nursery, and a whole other load of responsible things.
Either mumsnet are raising a whole generation of adult babies who cant do a single thing for themselves or the world has gone mad!

HairyToity · 13/02/2025 21:34

My 13 yo would be devastated, she loves a city break... Personally I'd feel guilty.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 13/02/2025 21:33

As the eldest daughter I hated this. The stress and feeling of being responsible for the other 2 and the worry.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect this of your eldest.