Leaving kids home alone for 5 days?

My old boss went to Paris for the weekend with her dh and left her girls age 11, 13 and 15. Her mil and her bil lived nearby and offered to have them, or drop in and keep an eye on them but she didn't want them 'interfering'. They were fine but I thought she was very foolish. To make it worse she ran a montessori school from her home, if anything had happened to one of her dc it could have ruined her business, who would leave their children with someone so irresponsible.

Oh shut up

No you can't get married at 16 anymore.... thankfully.

@Petitchat in England and Wales marraige is now 18 they stopped 16 with parental consent - though in Scotland and N.I it remains unchanged.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/legal-age-of-marriage-in-england-and-wales-rises-to-18

Though in Wales you can still leave full time education at 16 - unlike in England where it's supposed to be 18. They can also vote at 16 in most election in wales though not UK ones.

I do agree with the infantilizing - though it very much depends on the child's maturity but later teen years that really should be less an issue.

I wonder......do people realise you can actually get married at 16 (with parents permission)?
And at 18 without permission?
Drive a car at 17.
Vote at 18.

Far too much mollycoddling nowadays....

Mumsnet at it's finest...not leaving a 13 year old with a 19 year old, what sort of 19 year olds are you raising that can't look after their 13 year old sibling? 🤣

(Sorry did not mean to quote you, was just trying to leave a comment on the thread)

Instead of doing 5 nights straight away wouldn't it be more sensible to start with overnight away or least shorter time period as a trial run?

We left a 14 and 16 year old overnight as had to get 18 old to Uni and younger two had school and college starts so couldn't come- they were fine. This year we did night away for drop off then few months later 3 nights away with now 15 and 17 year old in house.

We don't have DGP nearby to pop in - though there are adults they could go to and we were still in UK - so perhaps we were more cautious. Though TBH I don't think it's a huge problem to leave them - persumably 13 can feed themselves so how much looking after will they actaully need and DGP are nearby as back up.

I meant, we were fine..we weren’t murdered in our beds, we didn’t starve, we were clean, in laundered clothes, got to school and home again every school day. I could run a house..after all, I did it when mother was home, too. She liked to avoid chores by giving them to me. I’d been taking my brother to doctors and dentists etc since I was 8. The cleaning, ironing, laundry, garden, baking, washing windows also my responsibilities. So we were fine.
That doesn’t mean it’s a great idea.

You literally said "We were just fine"! It sounded like you were saying it would be fine to leave them.

I wasn’t suggesting it was a good idea.
The party was the clue.
It’s never good to leave young teens alone.

Actually things did go wrong. The party was a mistake. We were fine. The house was not. Cigarette burns in the carpets throughout the house, spilled drinks, vomit in beds, and some gatecrashers ate the Christmas cake that had been maturing for 10 months, a month before Christmas..didn’t even use a knife, but just bit into it. Pigs lol. That’s why I needed a week to clean up..though the burns and cake could not be avoided. She was surprisingly accepting but then, she did leave us .

Yes, you were fine. But I really don't think that leaving a 15 and 12 year old alone for a fortnight is OK. And if something went wrong I'm pretty sure the parents would be in trouble in that case. 19 year old completely different.

13 is a bit young. I don't think I will live well.

I was 15 in charge of my 12 year old brother for a fortnight while my mother went abroad, I had no grandparents. We were just fine. I even had a party in the middle weekend so I had plenty of time to clean up after

@MumCanIHaveASnackPlease "Really confused as to why anybody thinks the 19yo should take on any of this responsibility.

Can a 19yo look after 2 younger siblings? Sure, but why the hell should they. It’s not their kids, they’re now an adult with a life of their own."

Because they're a family. Because it's no big deal. Because it'll make it possible for the parents to go away for a couple of days. Because that's how normal people interact.

I read it that many of these 18 and 19 year olds are at uni already, so they are already living independently.

I guess babysitting your younger siblings isn't such a big ask, especially if your parents are supporting you at uni and still very much helping you all round. It's nice for some of them being able to give something back.

Having said that, they of course can say no.

Crikey. All I was doing was suggesting they sort something formally rather than heading off all Pollyanna that everything will be fine. Yep it probably will. What if it isn't? Literally a letter signed and the grandparents can act and it's all much much simpler. It's not a formal deed signed in triplicate or a court case. It's 2 mins writing a letter.

Not every hospital admission and treatment is so emergency they would take over without your consent or take phone consent. There are many situations where they would try to make the child as comfortable as possible whist they wait for your return but the child would still be suffering.
A little bit of paper. That's all.

If it really was an emergency the hospital would assume implied consent and treat the child. They would also try to contact the parent. Consent can be done by phone in these circumstances. Do you think the doctor is just going to do nothing because the parent isn't in the room?

Really confused as to why anybody thinks the 19yo should take on any of this responsibility.

Can a 19yo look after 2 younger siblings? Sure, but why the hell should they. It’s not their kids, they’re now an adult with a life of their own.

People banging on about how the 19yo needs to learn independence. If this was my parents at 19 I’d assert my independence and leave home because I sure as hell wouldn’t want saddled with this so my parents could go on a dirty weekend.

eldest daughters are not your babysitters and while we’re at it they’re not your default nursemaid when you’re old for wiping your arse either.

A 13, nearly 14 yo, might be considered competent to consent to their own medical treatment. A 16 yo certainly would be, assuming no SN.

If it's an emergency, the won't wait for a parent to sign consent forms.
If it isn't an emergency, well, it isn't an emergency and something can be sorted.

Or nothing will happen at all which is much more likely.

Grandparents don't hold PR. They can't step up for signing consent forms for medical treatment unless formally authorised.

I'm absolutely sure the mother would try to get back in those circumstances. Trying isn't necessarily the same as being able to.

I wouldn't for another couple of years. Only the OP knows her child.

I think if you can’t do this you haven’t bought your children up very well. They should be perfectly capable of being left in charge of the house at 16 let alone 19, providing of course that they have no relevant additional needs.

Yes I ‘m wondering this too. I was married with a child at 19, she’s an adult and perfectly able to look after a 13 almost 14yr old.

Oh dear god and all that is holy - some comments on here have blown my mind.

There are young people in the UK dealing with far bigger things than a dropped jar of mayonnaise and I tell you what, if your young people are thrown by things like that then you haven't raised them with the resilience required to face the world. You've done them a disservice.

People referring to the 19 year old feeling irritated by her younger siblings - you are describing the 'ughhhh you are so annoyinggggg' dynamic that you normally see between younger children and it's scary that you are infantilising an ALMOST 20 YEAR OLD to that extent. Adults regularly feel a little irritated by each other, it doesn't make us incapable of functioning.

Why on earth does the 19 year old need to 'parent' anyone for 5 days? What is this big responsibility that you think they are taking on? I ran a house at 19. My Gran was married with a baby at 19. Ordering a takeaway and spending 5 days time together is not a responsibility.

Grandparents would step up untill parents arrives at hospital.
Or it's the agreement then we have left 3rd child with 1st and 2nd child (1st and 2nd both +18 yo).