DS’s friend – would this bother you?

Feeding him isn't the answer. The parents need to take responsibility and won't whilst they know the op is a mug and feeding their kid for them!

tactful chat with school safeguarding team?

This. When mine were that age I knew exactly where they were at all times, and play dates were always arranged - "I'll pick little Jane up after school and give her tea and drop her home at 6"

Personally, I would contact the mum and say you'll only have him round from now on when it's been prearranged with her and she knows where he is and has a time she has to come and collect him. At that age, I'd be worried about him just turning up and not being in and something happening to him. I'd feel forever responsible.

Same with my friends son and mine. Some mum's see it as their time for some peace and quiet. But it became every day after school, somehow stretching 4 portions to 5 of food prepared for tea, then my hubby would drop him back, late with her saying "oh I'll have yours soon" but her son would always come back the next day. They are now adults and one day at a BBQ he actually said I spent alot of time at yrs as a kid didn't I. Some mums just know how to manipulate others to their advantage and i was too weak to see it, Could you have him Thursday as i have a doctors appointment, my haircut etc. She even said how great it was she could go and get a massage and her nails done.! Mine rarely went to hers, she wasn't a great cook, and she rather wait till her husband got home from work who did most of the cooking. She's moved on so we've lost contact. This sounds like neglect poor lad.

I don’t think it’s fair to have a random child at your evening meal everyday, that’s your time to eat as a family and catch up on things.
If it’s neglect then it needs raising with school.
It might just be different food timings. He knows if he knocks on your door he gets a snack and possibly dinner. He may well be going home to a meal. He’s very young perhaps your snacks and meals are more appealing.
I’d also be wary of feeding a child without knowing them he may be veggie/allergies etc.

but it is awkward already? You aren’t making it awkward.

Kids in my house get fed, even if we have stretch everyone else's food to do it. No question, or making it awkward.

He is getting something at your house that he's not having at home, or he wouldn't be there. We had this with one of DDs friends and she was just allowed to be here whenever she wanted, and I told her so. I knew her mother and she was being looked after, but I think she was just a bit in her own head and came to our crazy house for the distraction of chaos. It's an honour if you think about it.

My DGS is 8 and an only child, all his play dates seem to be micromanaged with parental door-to-door drop-offs and collection, it’s a small and very nice village but children that age don’t go from house to house unaccompanied and no parent would be unaware which friend’s house the child was at!

When I was at primary school I had a friend from a large family who always cleared her plate at tea time and was grateful for seconds, my mother loved feeding her because I was picky and fussy and never cleared mine.

It’s very one sided him always coming to you and I’d be concerned about him just turning up - you might not be in or dc might not want to play. Food wise if you are eating your family meal at a service then I can understand not wanting an extra child there, it’s different to inviting a friend over for tea.
I’d try to speak to mum and take it from there.

If you got the means just please feed the boy OP. If money is tight then have some low cost snacks at home perhaps. His parents are clearly neglecting him not even knowing where he is. Poor little fellow.

I love the kids having friends over, as it keeps them off screens and they have fun. If we're busy I just say, sorry you'll have to go now but otherwise its open house. I would make sure they tidy up a bit though.
They're welcome to stay for tea, unless I don't have enough in, but I think if I was feeding them all the time it would grate a bit. But reading other posters stories about how they weren't fed at home and were so grateful for other families welcoming them in, I'd want to help if I could while maybe mentioning to school in case it adds to a pattern of concerns?

I personally wouldn't do this. If the boy home life isn't great then this could possibly lead to him being unnecessarily punished or them preventing the friendship because they'll think suspions of their parenting to be raised.

I'd do it gradually. Starting with walking the boy home and watching him in the door. Build up to speaking to the parents or even make arrangements with the lad before he leaves by saying you'll next see him on X day.

If I was feeding the other kids a meal I don't think I'd have the heart to not instinctively offer him some too. I'd be worried the poor kid was being starved.
Next time you see him, ask him what he had for dinner last night. If he can't give a straight answer it looks like he really isn't being fed at home! Is he skinny, unhealthy looking? I know kids can be chubby even if they have poor nutrition though.
If he's cheeky or messy then correct him, tell him to clean up and tell him not to be rude. But as for the food side, I'm not sure how you can raise it with the mum.
Have you been inside her house? Does it look reasonable? Not that a tidy house couldn't mean you neglect your child.

I think the mother knew fine well where he was and just said that to cover the fact that she was taking advantage of your good nature.

My son had a friend like this at 8. He was obsessed with the food in my house, would ask for it the second he got in then continously until he left, even after being told he's had enough many times.
In the end he said no to any kind of playing with my son, all he wanted was food.
He was a very rude kid and I stopped letting him come.
He wasn't neglected I just think they had a set meal they ate and if he didn't like it he didn't get anything else and they didn't do snacking.
I remember when they started packed lunches and I asked the mam what she was putting in and she looked confused and said a sandwich, no yoghurt, fruit, crisps etc, it seriously hadn't crossed her mind that he would have anything but a sandwich.
Just set the rules in your house OP instead of getting frustrated in your own home with someone else's kid.

Next time you invite him to stay for tea, make conversation around his home mealtimes- “so, Tom, what sort of food do you guys have for tea? You eat late, don’t you, did you know they eat at 10pm in Spain! How come your family eats so late?”

I would also make an appointment to speak to the class teacher, and raise the hunger and also (and more importantly) the time his mum didn’t know where he was but wasn’t missing him. If the school have concerns around neglect then your little piece of puzzle might help them to get a bigger picture.

If any of my kids friends are here and I'm cooking tea I'll always offer them some or if I don't have enough I'll apologise and politely send them home. Of course you don't have to do this but it doesn't usually put me out too much to do it.

Embarrass the parent by phoning or calling round and saying -

'Little Sonny is coming over to my house all of the time and is constantly asking for food and wanting to stay late. One day a week is fine but can you make sure that he doesn't just turn up at ours without a prior arrangement being agreed.'

I’m sorry did you say this child is 8 or in year 8?

I personally, now it's got to this stage, would offer to walk the boy home and check out his house and DM to get the measure if it all. I'd insist that I'd want to go inside somehow ie use the loo or wash my hands anything really

I would say when they get home “you can play until 6pm, Tom needs to leave becuase we are having dinner” give them a reminder 10 minutes or so before home time. Absolutely offer snacks and perhaps agree that once a week or fortnight, he can stay for tea.
As mine have got older, I actually prefer it when they do have friends over. They behave well and leave me alone..Bliss
If he is a sociable chap and an only child and parents are not paying him much attention, he is probably very lonely. He will remember your kindness. I fondly remember a couple of families from my childhood whom I regularly stayed for dinner with at various times in my childhood. My home life wasn’t great and I was grateful. They taught me lots about normal family life, including interest in school work and how I felt. I was so delighted (surprised) when one friends mums collected from school for play dates: She called me “poppet” and asked how my day was. We said grace at dinner. I held onto the things that other families showed me and it gave me some
direction now that I have my own family.
I may also have already seemed hungry (I was) and a bit messy (not used to helping myself to food and tidying away). Maybe cheeky too (little adult interaction outside of school).
You don’t need to go overboard with the kindness, I would have responded well to being given a clear hometime and some snacks (even basic ones likes toast, bowl of cereal).

How can you not know where your 8 year old is .... it isn't 1975 FFS.
This is awful.

Yeah the parents not knowing where he was stands out to me.

If a parent said they didn't know their child was still at our house ,I think I'd follow it up with asking how they want to me to manage this in the future so they know he's at mine or not. I'd also probably be walking him home to make sure they get the message they can't just let him out, assume he's yours.