To be devastated about this minor thing...

I had my eldest at 19 and have often, over the years, been told I cannot be old enough to have an ‘x’ year old. At first I felt judged because I was young, then it was ok because it meant I still looked young but now that I’m older I realise people probably shouldn’t comment either way.

It has pretty much stopped now, although my dentist said it at my check up just before Christmas and I admit it made me feel quite good because I often look like shit due to peri and chronic illness!😂

People can't win. They comment on your looks, they're rude. They don't, they're rude.

I actually had my first at 17 and when people say to me I don't look old enough to have an 18 year old I quite often say "I'm not old enough, I had her when I was still a child" 😂

I have often been told I don't look my age, or that I must have been a child bride when I say how old my children are. It's lovely when people say it and does make me feel good. But, if they don't react like that I don't give a monkey's. I don't feel defined by my looks, and certainly wouldn't give even a light hearted 'dramatic pause' to allow for the shocked reaction.

That's just rude, I'm with you OP, I would never talk to any of them again 💐

I’m your people OP! 😄 people are always openly very surprised when they find out I have a 10 year old and I am loving it haha 😂😂
(I’m 35 in a v MC area where lots of people have their first at this age, plus I am chubby so look younger, plus my demeanour is not v sophisticated either so I guess I seem young!)

I’ve noticed this too! I had my first at 29, which is obviously a very normal age to have a child, but is significantly younger than the average where I live.

A guy I work with recently said everyone else he knows with an eight year old is at least 45 and I was very young to have a child that age! 🤷‍♀️

Have you watched Joanna Lumley in Amandaland/ Motherland OP?

I think you’re joking and I would be annoyed too! 😂 how do we not stay looking about 30 because mentally that’s where I am! I got asked id randomly in a shop which was hilarious in itself but then they changed their mind. I was so annoyed you will see my id because I look young!

I get it. I've always looked younger than I am. When I was a young teenager, people used to think I was a small boy.

After a lifetime of it, you do start to expect it.

I got this when out with a friend who is maybe 6 years older than me. Someone remarked “Is this your mother?” Towards her. I was very glad she didn’t hear this comment but I certainly didn’t take it as a compliment or think that I looked so much younger. I thought instead that I don’t think they’ve looked at either of us particularly well. They’ve just seen two women together and opened their stupid mouths. This lady is beautiful too! All done up for a night out. The mind boggles.

They may still have thought you looked younger than your age and that with a 29 year old son you therefore had him very young. So making dramatic comments on it would be very tactless as you may have had to say oh yes I was 17 when I had him or something like that, which you may be fine with talking about, but equally well might not be. So it doesn't clear up whether you look younger than your age or not but perhaps you were with a polite and considerate group of people not wanting to interrogate the personal life of someone they don't know very well. FWIW I always get told I look at least 10 years younger but I never believe people, I just assume they're being nice, I look my age to myself in the mirror.

Of course you can "get" tone from reading. That's why books aren't usually full of emojis (😉 for clarity). Yes, it can be more difficult to gauge it accurately, but I thought it was quite clear from the OP that she was being slightly light-hearted/tongue in cheek.

I'm 47 and I have noticed (gradually) that no one expresses surprise when I say my age or my kids' ages, which used to always be the case until my mid 40s

And I'm fine with that. I don't look as young for my age as I used to, certainly not to the extent people would be that surprised by my age anymore.

At the end of the day, what do I need to look 'young' for? It's not like I'm a model or an actress where it's a career requirement. Everyone ages and eventually even most of us young-looking people don't look as young as we did.

My mum, bless her, still seems to think I look about 18, but I am the baby of the family!

I get you op. For ages people have been shocked when finding out I'm in my 40's. Since I turned 45 not so much. I have undeniably gone through the 44 year old aging jump (which my mum warned me I would as it happened to her too), but it's another thing to have it confirmed this way!

It's not fair is it op, I'd have said "you're kidding, you don't look older than that yourself love".
My DH, each time he buys alcohol and someone has to authorise the sale, he without fail days do you want to see my id?
They don't even glance, just say no it's fine... he's 53 and greying.
Folks don't know how to be nice any longer

When my female partner and I were house hunting 24 years ago, a bloke in one house asked her "Is this your mother?" about me.

She's two and a half years older than me...

So you had a child at 26 - you look your age.
if you had said your child was 40 or 5 you might have got a reaction.

I'm 66. I started getting a regular prescription (I shall be taking them for life now) in December and was thoroughly pissed off not to be asked "Do you pay for your prescriptions?" for the first time.

I get the - oh you don’t look old enough to have a uni age child- all the time. I reply with the truth, I got knocked up early. Conversation moves swiftly on. It’s not a comment on my youthful good lucks but more so a judgement on my teen pregnancy. Worked out well for me in the end.

I understand, I'm one of your people. ❤️.

I used to get this all the time. Now I am working on my attitude to life to keep me young xx

When people express shock about this it’s usually not that you don’t look your age, but more that they expect people with children that age to be older.

In middle class areas where people have children in their late 30s they would assume to have a 29 year old son you would be mid - late 60s.

In a working class area / with older people, it would be perfectly usual to have a 29 year old at 55 (or even 5+ years younger) and so they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

The responses on this thread are hilarious. Sorry you've been met with such a humour failure OP.

A few years back, when I was 38, I went wedding dress shopping with my 31 year old sister. The woman in the wedding shop turned to me and said 'And is this mum?'

MUM???

I, apparently, looked like I had a 31 year old daughter.

I still look daggers at that shop every time I drive past it.

People have never said I look younger than I do, but recently a couple of men, out of the blue, asked me my age. I found that rather random. I posted about it and got a similar array of weird responses. I still don't know what prompted the sudden questions, but they've stopped now so whatever I was doing, I'm not doing it anymore.

This happened to my mum because she had a baby face. One day she realised people no longer commented on how young she looked. She blamed the menopause, it aged her looks.

@BetterWithPockets

Of course it's important to some people.
Otherwise there wouldn't be a multi million pound industry pedalling cosmetic surgery and treatments such as botox to women who are seeking to look young, or at least younger, for as many years as they can.
An obsession with looking young is not compatible with good mental health for the simple reason it's fighting what is natural and inevitable.