To be devastated about this minor thing...

Tbf they were making polite small talk at a book club, it’s quite possible they weren’t even really listening when you said his age!

I did too. (Well, inside.)
I remember being nearly 40 and someone in their early 20s thinking I was also in my 20s.
Sadly no one in their right mind would think I’m anything other than firmly middle aged now…

What do you mean by " my people" OP?

It sounds as though you usually surround yourself with sycophants. The opinion of sycophants is pretty worthless.

Surely by 55 we should be able to accept who we are as people and not see our worth in how young we look?

The ageism on MN is quite breathtaking.

16 when i had him so pleased i did would not change it for the world.
I have all my freedom back and im still young.

Oh op. I would have looked suitably shocked (and tried to hide it badly because it's rude to comment on people's age). I always think women look younger than they actually are.

I'm in my forties and till recently cashiers in supermarkets would ask me for id when buying alcohol. Well, when I say recently I mean about 10 years ago and probably even then they were just trying to be nice and give me a confident boost.

Also, till a couple of years ago people were always surprised when I revealed my age but I doubt it's because I looked young but probably more because I have very young kids and am generally quite clueless.

Anyway, commiserations!!

I hear you. I have 4 adult children and I'm 46. I always, always used to get told that I didn't look old enough to have children of whatever age they were at the time. I've noticed it happens less frequently now and I'm a bit sad about it. I'm trying to console myself that most of the new acquaintances where this comes up are new work colleagues. I'm now fairly senior in my organisation and I'm telling myself it is this that is ageing me rather than my face 😆

Small tip for vain vacuous women who loath aging.

Buy those face masks with hyaluronic, cheap ones in Boots.
Dampen your face and slap one on multiple times a week at home.

They really are magic.
They plump up the skin and give you back a bit of the softening of youth.

Supermarket ones, aldi ones, all great.
Worth a try.
Leave on for as long as possible and rub the extra goo in the packet on your neck and decolletage.

You might look younger than your age but the thing is, people understand that there are others who look younger than they are, same as some look their age or older. So they're not going to be massively shocked. And it may be possible that you do just look your age. I always looked younger but I haven't been asked for ID in about 5 years and no one seems shocked when they learn I have a 17 year old son. I still probably look my age or slightly younger but my age is catching up with me, definitely.

I agree with the idea that they might think it’s rude to comment on your age/appearance of age. Before now, I have said “wow you don’t look old enough to have a X-age DC” to be met with a sort of offence taken as in “what are you implying - that I was an underage teenage mother?” kind of attitude and since then I just keep my mouth shut! Either way, I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking your age. The only alternative to ageing is death, so…

I feel like I should clarify that by "aspire to be the best looking 50 year old I can" I mean "try to take good care of myself" as opposed to "plastic surgery and injectables every 6 months" 😬

And when the site says “you will need to provide ID as proof of age” and they don’t ask for ID. I mean what’s that about….

I sympathise. It’s about not liking looking older which is pretty much what happens if we’re lucky enough to be living.
I was the same age as you when I had my first and have had the exact same experiences.
I struggle to accept my ageing face and body and wish I could make peace with it. That said my dh says I’m beautiful (I’m not) and he couldn’t care less if I were heavily wrinkled.
I have a few tweakments, take care of my skin, exercise etc. I’m having my lips ‘blushed’ to replace the colour they’ve lost.
Ultimately it’s how we view ourselves that is most important. I just think I look ok for my age and if I looked lots younger it would be odd.

Are you sure they weren't asking your husband's age and were shocked when you said 29?

This might be more to do with you being 16/17 when you had your son.

For example, my colleague is 39 and has a 7 year old.

I’m sure you look wonderful though, 38 is still young!

Oh, only the third option, maybe. If you've been told all your adult life that you don't look as old as you are and then suddenly people stop saying it, it's going to sting a bit.

I get you, OP! Someone once told me they'd assumed I was the same age as them (40, I was 31) and I told it as a funny story but it was actually quite hurtful. Now I just aspire to be the best looking 50 year old I can be.

Yup I was always told I looked 10 years younger than I am - that seemed to stop overnight at around the age of 48. I was a smidge upset at first but now (almost 51) quite enjoy being my age with the confidence that comes with not trying to impress or compare myself to anyone else.

Well turn this the other way around: maybe they thought you had him at 15 and didn't want to ask awkward questions?

What's worse? They think you're the age you actually are or they think you got knocked up at 14?

I'm not trying to be mean; I'm trying to point out that you've turned an absolute non thing into something because of something going on within yourself.

Remember that most people are thinking about themselves way more than they are about anyone else. They probably barely noted it or the age because they were thinking about how they were being perceived.

Freeing yourself from this urge - we all have it - is the ultimate liberation.

Mumsnet has got really weird lately

What utter bastards they all are.

Is it really so bloody hard to fall off a chair in disbelief?
Really so hard to do???🙄

I regularly do this for people I meet, and I know it is hugely appreciated by them.

I call it a small but valuable service to society.

Don't return OP.
Ugly ugly people.

🤣

To be fair, though, that could be more the age gap between you and your son. You were 17 when you had him, which is young, so that might cause people to do a double take.

I can't decide if you are vain or pathetic or fishing for compliments.

As soon as your hormones shut off, everything goes horrible.

Im 38 and my child is 22 in may.
I dont look my age but i do look awful in the mornings lol.
I get told no way you have an adult son but i do 1 and done.

Obviously a woman’s face collapses a bit during menopause, well mine has! I was always told I looked young for my age, but now at the other side of meno, not so much!! Looking at myself and my friends, we’ve all suddenly aged, but that’s normal. Who cares what anyone else thinks OP.

Yanbu.

Everyone knows the standard response is "oh, you don't look old enough to have grown up children".