To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

@Itsnotpink - I had the same, several harassing emails from the OW calling me a narcissist, a leach(my business was supporting him at the time), ugly, frumpy and much worse. She even had the cheek to write once she realised we were still together (not leading separate lives as she claimed he'd initially made out) and before I knew of affair, that he'd fantasised about her tight fanny whilst making love with me. They were the words of an insecure nut job who was trying to bag her man, 'her soulmate' which incidentally she never did.

Please don't preoccupy yourself with thoughts of either of them. The best revenge is a life well lived. Please seek some help with juggling kids/ full time work/ home etc and make a life for yourself and move on. You deserve so much more.

I just don’t understand how a woman could do that to another woman. It’s something a psychopath would do.

You are well out if it in that case. Some men (and women no doubt) are simply serial adulterers, they are likely funny, charming people and the other women who fall in love/lust with them probably fall in love/lust with them for all the same reasons as their spouse did. You know they don't say "love is a drug" for no reason, it's addictive and makes people crazy and probably will forever more. When cheats are uncovered not only are the spouses shocked but often all the people they have had affairs with along the way are shocked that this funny, charming man had so many affairs! Don't waste your time being bitter about your man or his new gf, concentrate on making a good and happy life for you and your kids.

It’s not quite as cut and dried though, is it? He should just have been allowed to marry the woman he loved to begin with. The whole monarchy is fucked.

I always find these threads interesting as you can always see which members have clearly been the OW themselves/ trying to justify their own behaviour in passive aggressive ways. It’s very sad and transparent.

But he's their liar and cheat and they think they will make him a better person because he'll love and respect them to much to treat them like that🤮

Really? I’ve never heard anyone use that expression about themselves in real life, thank goodness. You’ve met a lot of OW through work?

How odd.

Lots of misogyny on this thread, as usual. The homewrecker here was this pathetic excuse for a husband and father, surely?

Oh there is no doubt after kids he was a terrible parent. Always working away. Couldn’t cope with lack of time to himself when he was home. I was completely alone in parenthood. He would constantly apologise and talk about how he wanted to be around more and would change his job.

He spun a story and made promises and played on emotions, and you wanted to believe he was sincere and his behavior would change because it was really just caused by bad circumstances and...

Yep. And that's where his new partner is at right now. It can seem so plain from the outside can't it?

The thing about that though is that she believes it is your fault that he cheats on you and lies to you because he has convinced her that you are toxic and abusive. She thinks it will be different for her because their relationship is different. She doesn't see him as a liar and a cheat. He's just someone who was forced to lie and cheat because of you.

Well, yes, obviously I'm "still talking to you" as you're still talking to me, so I'm responding. It's called conversation.

I would think badly. I don’t buy into I didn’t make the vows bullshit. Anyone knowingly having an affair is a bad person. I have ended a friendship with a woman who did this.

He did this to you with six different women, and you're still focused on the last in line?

Come on.

Are you still talking to me?

No, I don't actually care what a random stranger on the internet thinks of me. You haven't opened my eyes about anything either, you don't know me, and you don't matter.

I was single. He wasn't. We sort of did wait, actually. It was mostly an emotional affair and it didn't go on for very long, only a few weeks before he decided to tell his wife he had very strong feelings for me and needed to leave her. There's a bit more to it than that but it might be outing to anyone who knows me to go into more detail. No children involved, thankfully.

She may have been attracted to him because she doesn't want to marry and have children. It may suit her that he's not really available. Also, he has obviously fed her some stories about you to make her accuse you of being a narcissist - it's no surprise that he would lie to both of you.

But the entire premise of your thread is to denigrate the other woman. Your slimy ex somehow manages to slide off the hook, as they all seem to do.

These threads always follow the same path. Slam the (irrelevant) other woman but throw in a few perfunctory negative comments about the ex because you want to show some sort of balance.

The fact that your ex is a horrible, derelict father is far worse than anything any woman could do.

Truth is, she didn't care about you or your kids, but then neither did your now ex. And they're his children. I'm not sure you can demand more consideration from a stranger than your actual partner.

And you're so morally bankrupt, you don't care who knows it. But, hey, think of it just being that you're not a hypocrite if it makes you feel better, sod everyone else, take what you want.

People create narratives that center their own feelings and justify their behavior.

But it's also always easier to look at these things from the outside or after things have blown up and wonder how the person doesn't see them for who they are. If you're truly honest was your DH a wonderful, devoted partner and father right up until he left or do you look at some things he did/couldn't be arsed to do and think "I wish I had seen that more clearly"?

Affair partners are like guns. Guns alone don't hurt people. It is their use by a person that hurts people. The shooter is 100% the bad guy, but it's still ok to hate guns and wish they didn't exist.

I haven't made any "big statement" and I'm certainly not "special" - I just have morals and decency, which you clearly don't, and I think that is a bit of an eye-opener for you, i.e. that you lack morals, respect and decency towards others. THAT is the difference between you and me. I'm up here, you're down there, basically. Others have expressed the same view as me. It doesn't make us special, it means we have standards of behaviour and principles, that you don't have as you're empty.

@TwigletsAndRadishes After 32 years, it sounds like it's working!

But why didn't you wait until you were both single? Wouldn't it have been so much easier to end the failing marriage(s) first?