To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

I'm amazed that so many people think it's ok to have an affair with a married man. Yes the man made the vows, but the OW is knowingly taking an action that will cause great distress to his family, including his children. I have seen children's childhoods ruined by their father leaving for the OW. Of course, the man has the main responsibility to his children, but frankly everyone has a responsibility in society to do the right thing by other people. You wouldn't be randomly cruel to a child on the basis you felt like it and that child wasn't yours so isn't your problem!

I never said they were a different species, but they're definitely not our best and brightest members, and I stand by my statement that they are each and every one of them lacking in some way, or they'd hold themselves to a higher standard. Many of us manage to exercise some self-control.

Whenever someone jumps to defend 'these' men and women, I always wonder why. 🤔

He'll have been lying through his teeth to her OP, giving it the old "she's not slept with me for 4 years, is unhinged, I stay for the children" etc.

He's a twat and she's an idiot.

What makes you think she thinks he's a 'great dad because he pays maintenance'?

Realistically, it's more likely she doesn't care what kind of dad he is since she doesn't have children with him. As sad as it is, his commitment (or lack of) to being a father doesn't impact her currently, and until it does I doubt she gives it much of a thought. Especially as neither of them see your children often.

Yep let's behave in any way we wish to get whatever we want, as we don't owe anyone anything.

If the other woman had stayed away perhaps the husband might have worked through his feelings/problems and stayed. As the OW got involved the upshot is two kids now barely have a father. In the wider picture, that is not good for society, never mind the kids. If OW aren't prepared to get involved with married men perhaps more marriages will survive and perhaps more kids won't grow up in broken homes.

You don't get involved with attached men. Where on earth are people's morals? How can someone grow up with no respect, decency towards others? Vile behaviour to excuse it. And, no, I'm not excusing the man at all.

@Itsnotpink completely agree but it's self respect and integrity too isn't it. Some people are lacking that. Don't get me wrong, it's possible to be very attracted to someone that's attached and with young kids but it just makes sense to
remove yourself from that situation

The pair of them are lowlifes, it's all there is to it.

But she doesn’t have any responsibilities to anyone in this situation. So many people on here fail to make cheating the man’s responsibility. He got married, he had kids, he cheated. It isn’t her problem. She doesn’t care and why should she, she met someone she fancied, he fancied her back, he cheated, they’re still together. She shouldn’t be held to some moral account for her actions. The responsibility is not on her to say no, it’s on him not to cheat. Goodness knows what he’s told her about his marriage and you (it won’t be true) but you can guarantee it would have been about how unhappy he was in his loveless marriage. Even if she had said no the next one might not have and so on. He’s the cheat.

I'm astounded by you saying why should anyone care about a complete stranger? Really? Because it is called decency. Get some!

He willingly undoubtedly given her a backstory which made him look better than he is and justified his actions.

If you’re going to be bitter, direct it at him. Better still, move on. Your kids deserve this.

I’ve watched guys like this at work - chatting up the newbies that don’t know their history of shagging their way around the office. It’s uncomfortable to watch, especially when they then bring their wives to company functions. The OW are usually lacking self confidence and overwhelmed by the attention. They shouldn’t fall for it, but they do. And the men can be convincing. But most of us with morals realise that the men like this are not talking honestly.

And in your case OW should surely realise he’s not a catch if his relationship with the kids is sparse. Try and not let it bother you - live you life happily and peacefully.

Friend at work is with a guy that has a 2 year old and a 7 year old. They’ve been together 18 months. So he left a very new baby. She says the mother is a ‘psycho’ and ‘just wants maintenance’. My friend at work is a usually lovely and sane person but has this huge blind spot as to how cliche and useful it is that his ex that he abandoned happens to be “a psycho”. I judge her lack of insight hard …and him harder.

I work with someone like this, his family and kids are at home and he has an affair at work with someone also married. We all hate it, he never takes time off or does any of the school run etc, I feel so sorry for his wife being married to such a person even though he comes across as a great guy, nice looking, well groomed, friendly (although I don't think genuinely) i don't understand the relationship between the couple, they don't seem that happy, don't have any friends at work, get jealous and possessive if they talk to anyone else very much. Personally I think you must really dislike yourself to treat everyone around you so badly, I don't have any sympathy but I think people with issues like sabotage and people with issues a lot of the time. I'm sorry OP but you're better off

I think you'll find that "these women" are just normal women, not a different species 😂

Our most famous one at the moment is Queen of England. Now that's a different league than the rest of us😂

OW and second wives often think their partner is a king among men for doing the bare minimum…and often begrudge him doing more than legally required in time or money. The exes are always greedy and demanding.

Yay for women building up women!

Why are you wasting energy and thoughts on the other woman?

She's probably definitely not wasting any on you.

Move on. It's been three years.

Except that why should anyone care about a complete stranger?
It's so hypocritical. Most people don't, when it suits them.

The only one who lied and cheated is the husband.

It's fascinating that the OW always get the blame. Jealousy? Bitterness? Is that the reason?

When it's the wife who cheats, and that happens just as much, you don't hear much blame against her male lover.

The short answer is that there's something wrong with these women, just as there's something wrong with the men who cheat. They are lacking in morals, self-respect, intelligence, or something else that helps normal, decent people make better choices. They're failing at life.

My ex is the same. He is prioritising himself instead of his kids. He told me that he will do what suits him regarding the holiday and won't comply with our divorce agreement because he doesn't want to take the kids for more than 7 days in a row. He hasn't brought the kids in a proper holiday since covid but he has no issue going abroad with his girlfriend!!!

I completely agree. So often on these threads people pipe up the husband is solely and completely to blame as he made the vows to his wife, not the OW, but there is something called common decency to other human beings so the OW is to blame too, in my opinion. To flirt then start seeing a man that you know has a wife and especially children is utterly despicable and yes, they are culpable too. There's not need to try and apportion the blame as in 50/50. They're both to blame.

She will rationalise and justify the relationship and her own behaviour, unlikely she’s in turmoil about how they met and what went on. She’ll have a one sided account of you from him, that’ll not be complimentary.

Sounds like they deserve each other. Most likely one of them will cheat again once the shine of the "forbidden" relationship wears off, people like that don't really change.