To think poorly of the OW in this situation?

People fall in and out of love… it’s just life

I think your angry is misplaced… it should be your ex that you’re angry towards.

It's because his status as a father isn't relevant to his status as a lover or potential partner. People who cheat or get with people who have partners only care about themselves. The hurt or impact on other people doesn't override their own wants and desires. Of course they all tell themselves the same crap "My marriage is over/we're only together for the kids/can't afford to get divorced/but it's you I love/we're soulmates/I've never felt this way about anyone else before" etc. But that's all just the subconscious's way of justifying the affair. It's a self-preservation thing. People don't want to be the bad guy nor be with a bad guy, so their minds twist it to make them the victims of circumstance.

She might think he is a fantastic man and fantastic father now, but when she has a child with him herself she will remember every time he lied to you and his kids when he was in a hotel with her. And how easily the lies came to him and how easily you were duped by them. She'll remember all the things he said about you and how the relationship had changed since you became a mother and let yourself go, or went off sex, or whatever else he used to justify his affair and blame you. She'll remember that he can go for months without bothering to see his own children, who are still so little, and won't understand. And she'll have a massive crisis of confidence about what kind of man he is after all. She'll drive herself mad looking for signs that he might he doing the same to her.

@BreezyScroller Even if the new couple is better suited, why not wait until the married one has ended their relationship? Why get involved in a mess?

I dunno, I think high expectations are the best choice in this situation. If it's meant to be, they can come back when they're available!

Op he is a total shit for the way he has behaved and you have my sympathy.

I think that it should be normalised more - the idea that these men are shits. Because although we all seem to think that behind closed doors, its not really spoken about publicly often. These men are not shunned or shamed in the way that they should be. There's also very little discussion about the limits it places on the women who are left holding the baby and managing it all. We, as a society, need to change our dialogue around solo mums and acknowledge the amazing job they do, often in very trying circumstances.

I hope you are claiming all the maintenance that you are entitled to.

I’m sorry. It sounds horrible but I judge all other women unless the man lies to them about being married. Maybe I should have more empathy though

it's more about targeting the right person.

Wife cheats, dumps husband - it happens a lot, no thread made about the disgusting man who broke the marriage.

Husband cheats? It's the OW's fault! How dare she!

I will always think poorly of anyone who knowingly has an affairwith someone who is married/in a LTR. Its despicable and morally bankrupt. However her lack of morals shouldn't really be any more relevant to you than any other woman who does the same, your agreement so to speak was with your ex, he was the one who betrayed you and broke the commitment he had made you.. She just betrayed herself/basic human decency.

Unbelievably many posters would say the same thing, almost verbatim about women who shag ‘taken’ men. They absolve them of any moral responsibility simply bc they’re a woman and don’t ‘owe’ the wife/partner anything.

As others have said - it's a reflection on them not you. Your children will grow up knowing how much you have done for them and that you are the parent who has been there every day.

And as for the OW - remember "how you get them is how you lose them". She has all of this to come no doubt..

there was an interesting thread not long ago, where the old "once a cheater.." popped up by a couple of posters trying to reassure themselves,

while in real life, many couples happily re-married started with a bit of an overlap, and were actually happier and a better couple than the first time round, maybe simply because they learned their lesson.

So people rush a bit while they are still married. If they are still together 3 years down the line, maybe it was worth it.

But once again, it's interesting that the thread is about the WOMAN, not the man who actually did cheat.

Do you have support from family/friends?
It's certainly not easy being a single parent, especially when the father is not invested emotionally or seeing the kids regularly.

As for the ow I cant comment as I've never been the ow, but people from all walks of life have affairs for reasons known only to them and it must be heartbreaking for you thinking that you were in a happy marriage and stable environment, to then have that taken away. It may not seem like it now but you will emerge from this stronger.

Because she’ll see him as CHOOSING HER. The fact he had small Kids when they became involved probably makes it an even greater triumph, or ‘special’ 🤮 as it ‘proves’ how much he loves HER, and was willing to walk away from to be with her.

They don’t think about the fact they were justan escape from the hard realities of being a parent and could probably have been anyone.

Hopefully the same fate will befall her and reality will come crashing down like it did for Natalie Portman. She screwed her dance instructor while filming Black Swan and his wife/partner was either pregnant or recently had a baby. Years later he fucks around with somebody else after they’ve married and had a couple of kids together. And everyone feels so sorry for her! 🤷🏼‍♀️ There were even threads on here discussing how awful it was for her! Karma.

Once a cheat, always a cheat

It's called having morals. Get some!

Don't forget the old "but we're soulmates" - scummy OW always trot this out to justify opening their legs to a married man...no thought to the fact he's a proven liar, cheat with dodgy morals and zilch integrity.

These desperate women are so easily flattered by a low life cheat.

OP, I know it hurts and seems terribly unfair but this is a reflection on your ex and OW, not on you. Big hugs

There you have it. She doesn’t get what it’s like to have kids and feel exhausted etc, she’s fancy free and probably believes all his bullshit about the boring wife etc.

I think there must be a fundamental insecurity with women going for men like this. Because a woman secure in herself would perhaps see through the bad behaviour and go for someone better.

oh please

I don't know if there's a term to describe the opposite of a keyboard warrior, someone pretending to be saintly and caring when they don't have to do more than making a statement on an anonymous forum

That’s it in a nutshell.

@REDB99 I agree that he's the cheat, but I do think that it's wise for women to think twice in this situation.

I've advised my DD to always turn down married men, because whatever the marital situation, he's not available. Worst case, he's lying to someone who thinks that he's working late, for example. Many women who are kind and have a strong sense of self-worth wouldn't want to be a part of that type of sordid situation. No sloppy seconds for them!

oh,I get what you’re saying you have the day to day responsibilities and no business lunch or free time. However, you’re the stable,datum for the children creating a loving environment. You’re a superstar. You just crack the fuck in, every day. Your kids will value this and be soooo grateful. Honest

We all have a responsibility to be decent human beings for the sake of society. I'm really shocked at the attitudes that no one owes anyone anything. What empty people, heartless and soulless.

No one said anything about them being a different species, just that there’s something wrong with them to knowingly involve themselves in a relationship with a married man/father without the wife’s knowledge or consent. It’s despicable behaviour. Not sure what the “Queen of England” has to do with this post but she falls into the same category.