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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL calling DH during my C section asking him to order her a takeaway

110 replies

AshLeeKimb · 12/02/2025 19:59

As the title says - AIBU to think this is completely unacceptable? After a recent tricky end to pregnancy I was having a scheduled c section. Within an hour of the procedure MIL was calling DH asking him to order her a takeaway as she doesn't use apps on her phone. Unbeknownst to me he had done this, I only found out it had happened because shortly after when I was fresh out of surgery she called him back complaining that the items she received were incorrect. He hung up on her at that point as we're obviously not in a position to be thinking about that. It really makes me question how I feel about her as a whole and don't feel like I can forget it! AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2025 20:31

Last time I checked, if you are capable of ringing your son to order a takeaway, you are still capable of ringing a restuarant to order a take away.

Restuarants still have telephone lines.

I would be pissed off and concerned that my MIL was that lacking in independence skills. She is a grown woman.

She needs to be able to use a phone or use an app herself.

Given you have just given birth, it is unlikely that she is that old and incapable of doing this herself.

And thats why I would be pissed off. The timing of this, is thoughtless, but isn't the issue ultimately. Your DH should not be enabling this. He should be asking questions about why she is failing to deal with her own basic life issues at such a young age.

Justalittlehandhold · 12/02/2025 20:30

Completelyjo · 12/02/2025 20:01

I mean does it really change your life? You didn’t even realise it at the time!
You’ve literally just had a baby, focus on that.

Edited

You allow people to be that disrespectful to your position? More fool you!

OP, she is batshit crazy!

Obscurial · 12/02/2025 20:28

When I had an elective section I knew the day but not the time - it could have happened any time between 9am and 4pm.

During the op I remember it feeling very surreal, and I could well imagine someone slipping into autopilot and not really thinking it through, especially if ordering her a takeaway is a normal thing, so I’d probably let it go.

abracadabra1980 · 12/02/2025 20:28

Could I play devils advocate here?
On one hand, it seems totally and utterly selfish, emotionally devoid, needy; bizarre. On another, I am very aware of the absolute horror some of the older generation feel at having to use Apps, and modern technology. My own DM is one of them. If your DH has shown her prior to your birth, maybe she thought she'd have a go and couldn't deal. As for pestering about how dissatisfied with the food/order, I'd have told her now was not the time, to apologise and be grateful she had a meal or some sorts. And noted it in my subconscious journal for the rest of time.

Cherrysoup · 12/02/2025 20:28

More fool him for answering the phone and acceding to her bonkers request when presumably she knew you were mid c-section, as did he, given he was there!

sandyhappypeople · 12/02/2025 20:27

Where was your DH if you didn't even know he had taken that phone call?

If he was off somewhere waiting for you to be transferred etc I don't see the problem with him doing it, it's obviously something he does for her or has done before?

Lilactimes · 12/02/2025 20:26

FoxtonFoxton · 12/02/2025 20:17

It's so ridiculously bonkers that you will look back and laugh (especially if MIL is normally lovely). Forget about it and treat it as a moment of madness from both. It didn't cause any issues. Congratulations on your baby!

This 👆❤️

Chuchoter · 12/02/2025 20:26

He didn't have to answer his phone.

crankytoes · 12/02/2025 20:25

pictoosh · 12/02/2025 20:13

Honestly, I don't think it's a big deal. You didn't know anything of it at the time.
Why are you upset about it now?

Because DP should have 100% been focused on the OP

RobinEllacotStrike · 12/02/2025 20:25

My P had a massive phone drama with his family, parent & siblings, during and immediately after the birth of dd2, over frozen leftovers.

I'll never forget - but I can laugh about it now.

ClarasSisters · 12/02/2025 20:25

Are you annoyed with him, or just her? Because he didn't have to answer and he certainly didn't have to do it!

Polkadotbabushka · 12/02/2025 20:22

Your DH is a mug for doing it!

easylemonsqueezy · 12/02/2025 20:18

Your partner is a twat

Completelyjo · 12/02/2025 20:18

cunningartificer · 12/02/2025 20:15

Wasn't it an hour afterwards? Not during the operation as PPs are suggesting. A little weird but down to your DH to tell her he was busy and perhaps he felt he could do it without it being much hassle. It clearly didn't disturb you at the time so didn't take his attention off you when you needed it...

The post is all over the place to be fair. The title says “during”, then it was within an hour of the surgery, but then OP only found out after right after her surgery.

Thepossibility · 12/02/2025 20:17

This would be a memory that we'd laugh about. It's so silly that it's amusing sort of thing, especially as you say she is otherwise a lovely GM/MIL.

FoxtonFoxton · 12/02/2025 20:17

cunningartificer · 12/02/2025 20:15

Completelyjo · 12/02/2025 20:14

AshLeeKimb · 12/02/2025 20:10

We were allowed phones in the theatre we were told to take one in for photos explicitly.

How did you only find out after that your DH answered the phone during your surgery, and while sat 20cm away from you he was chatting to his DM about her takeaway order?

pictoosh · 12/02/2025 20:13

Honestly, I don't think it's a big deal. You didn't know anything of it at the time.
Why are you upset about it now?

toastofthetown · 12/02/2025 20:12

That's bonkers! How on Earth did that conversation even happen?

"We're delighted to say that Timmy is here safe and well. He's 3kg and doing well. I'll send you over some pictures later. AshLeeKimb did amazingly and is recovering well from the surgery."

"Splendid. Can you order me mapo tofu with egg fried rice and salt and chilli chips please. I don't want to use the app."

DH would probably have hung up at the first request (if he answered the call at all).

Roseshavethorns · 12/02/2025 20:11

I don't think your issue is with your mil. Unless she was with your DH at the time she probably didn't know exactly what was going on.

But what on earth was your DH thinking. Was he so disinterested in his child being born that he was reading his messages?

Porkyporkchop · 12/02/2025 20:11

Why did he answer the phone ?! I mean, you wouldn’t be looking at your phone at a moment like that would you?

Original poster

AshLeeKimb · 12/02/2025 20:10

We were allowed phones in the theatre we were told to take one in for photos explicitly.

OP posts:

Original poster

AshLeeKimb · 12/02/2025 20:09

@greatvisuals about a month ago. I haven't said anything and won't, MIL is lovely and a great DGM, I just found the whole thing a bit odd!

OP posts:

Completelyjo · 12/02/2025 20:09

greatvisuals · 12/02/2025 20:03

You're not supposed to have your phone on in the operating theatre.

Says who? The anaesthetist took my DH’s phone during both of my sections to take photos and videos of us. DH has long videos of the babies getting checked too.
Literally every person I know has a photo as soon as the baby came out!

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