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Hand hold - told husband it’s over

34 replies

Pred1cament · 12/02/2025 18:13

Not sure if this is the right board but have seen ladies get great advice in the past. Husband and I have been married 10 years. 2 children, 6 and 2. He’s from a different culture and we’ve had issues in the past that we’ve resolved, but recently there’s been an ongoing theme of ‘I’m the man of the house, don’t have a different opinion to me, what I say goes’ especially when it comes to the kids, even though I’m the main carer and earner. We had a fairly trivial disagreement this morning where he told me not to do something and I said I don’t agree with you but ok. He was really annoyed that I had a different opinion to him and even came home at lunchtime to check I hadn’t done ‘said thing’ I hadn’t, but told him I can’t live like this for another 40 or so years and he’s making me feel trapped that I can never do much moan about anything to him or have a different opinion to him. He got really arsey, saying he’s not going to change so what am I going to do about it. Goading me. This is the ‘his surname’ house, the kids have my surname, you have my surname. This isn’t the ‘my maiden name’ house. I finally said ‘I’m done’ and he started acting like he was so happy, he’s been waiting for this etc. he went back to work and I haven’t heard anything since. Where do I go from here? I am the main earner luckily so could buy him out of the house. But I feel like in the mood he’s in he won’t go easily. Any advice or anything I should be thinking about? Obviously I’m devastated for the kids but don’t want my daughter growing up thinking she’s inferior to men. How do I make sure they’re as unaffected as possible? Worried about money as well. I earn well but will obviously be down on what I’m used to if I have to pay for everything. Thanks in advance for the handhold x

OP posts:
Pred1cament · 12/02/2025 18:47

He’s just walked in. Urgh.

OP posts:
Dror · 12/02/2025 18:47

You can't kick him out while you're still married.

Pred1cament · 12/02/2025 18:45

BlueMum16 · 12/02/2025 18:32

You are a role model to your DD. Well done for not putting up with his shit any more.

Protect yourself now if you can. Do you have a joint account? You need to prevent him from emptying the bank and leaving you penniless.

Is he due home later? Does he have friends or family he could stay with? Do you have a spare room so you are no longer sharing a bed?

Get some legal advice tomorrow.

Think about where you both will live. Where will the children live (with you I assume). How will co parenting be able to work.

I'm sure someone will be a long with more practicalities.

We have joint savings but I’m the only one who ever pays into it. He wouldn’t know how to check it on a regular basis but I’ve moved the bulk to my current account for now.

Thank you for the encouragement. He is due home and doesn’t have any clothes etc for work tomorrow so I reckon he’ll be back later after thinking he’s making me sweat. I’d like him to move out and keep the house with the kids but haven’t had a chance to talk to him about it. Worried about the emotional side of it for the kids more than anything.

OP posts:
Pred1cament · 12/02/2025 18:42

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 18:29

He sounds like a complete misogynist with all his patriarchal bullshit about it being his house, even though you are the higher earner.

Definitely see a solicitor as soon as possible to discuss division of finances and childcare. It sounds as though you do most of the child care, but he may ask for 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Does he ever look after the children on his ownn?

He does look after them sometimes if I’m going out but you can bet he’ll be in a foul mood about doing it. He does pick them up from school and nursery so I’ll have to navigate that. I don’t think he’d go for 50/50, and if he does I think he’d quickly change his mind.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 12/02/2025 18:32

You are a role model to your DD. Well done for not putting up with his shit any more.

Protect yourself now if you can. Do you have a joint account? You need to prevent him from emptying the bank and leaving you penniless.

Is he due home later? Does he have friends or family he could stay with? Do you have a spare room so you are no longer sharing a bed?

Get some legal advice tomorrow.

Think about where you both will live. Where will the children live (with you I assume). How will co parenting be able to work.

I'm sure someone will be a long with more practicalities.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/02/2025 18:29

He sounds like a complete misogynist with all his patriarchal bullshit about it being his house, even though you are the higher earner.

Definitely see a solicitor as soon as possible to discuss division of finances and childcare. It sounds as though you do most of the child care, but he may ask for 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Does he ever look after the children on his ownn?

muggart · 12/02/2025 18:24

You don't need a handhold you need a high five! Well done! You are strong to see through his bullshit after years of marriage.

Also, you will feel better when you a professional solicitor to guide you through the process.

You DD will be so proud of you when she is old enough to understand.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 12/02/2025 18:19

You see a solicitor and issue a divorce petition.

PrincessofWells · 12/02/2025 18:17

It's probably advisable to get some initial legal advice about entitlements from a family solicitor and start divorce proceedings. You can do it yourself but need to be confident you can do it and stand firm. The starting point financially is 50/50. You can claim maintenance through CMS.

Well done though, your children don't need to grow up with misogyny in the home. It's bad enough everywhere else.

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