to hate the fact my teens don’t want to do anything with me

They’re 14 and don’t like being around each other - the problem isn’t you necessarily. If they’re chalk and cheese then they’ll drive each other nuts.
At 14, my worst nightmare probably would have involved x days of my mum and sibling in any environment. Especially one that will probably mostly involve other much younger children.
I’m sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy OP and I’m sorry that you feel lonely. Loneliness seems to be a theme of the late 30s/early 40s whether we have family or not.

Gently, but especially if you’re somehow framing it as an answer to feeling lonely, I’d think carefully about how your twins would react to another baby being in the house as they hit GCSE age and with ND in the mix.

DS and DD were both that way from 14-15/15.5.
They did get better. DD17 isn’t all the way there yet, but happy for late night chats in the kitchen, shopping trips (even the supermarket) or meals out. She’s also begging for a girls holiday just us two.
DS18 calls for a chat on his walk home from work, helps me carry shopping/ do tip runs, comes on dog walks sometimes. Both will happily go ice skating/ climbing etc.
During the 14-15 timeframe it was basically a case of waiting for them to emerge from their rooms, and offering non-local cinemas/ activities so their mates didn’t see them!

You are using ovulation sticks and tested positive mid Jan. It's sad to hear it was a chemical pregnancy, but you are actively trying to get pregnant - not "considering" whether to have another.

I think you need a bit of therapy tbh - your kids are naturally going to want to spend less time with you as they grow, and having another baby to fill that hole isn't the answer.

Ahh I'm envious. I can't even pop to Tesco without my lot phoning me asking me where I'm going and mine are in their 20s 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's never been the norm for me, mine have always wanted to come out with us.

Why do you feel like you have to arrange stuff?

Can't you just take away the gaming/TV and let him figure out how to entertain himself?

My children all hated eating as a family when they were teens ! I didn’t force it and they are now sociable ,successful adults.
OP pick your battles,it will get better as they mature and gain confidence.

Mine also has misophonia which makes family meals intolerable to them

I hate gaming and the effect it has on children and teens 😡 I know that isn’t all your problem, but it does make boys anti-social and sullen IMO. If it’s not too late, I’d lie and tell them that you/neighbour is having the internet upgraded and so it won’t be on at all those days, which was why you’d kindly paid for a special treat for them.

My oldest used to moan about every single treat at that age, but did (grudgingly!) admit to enjoying it after. Push ahead and try to screen out their moans.

Mine are adults now, boys 2 years apart. They always got on well.
The halcyon days were from 6 to 11 when I looked forward to school holidays and we did so much together.
Once teenagers it does change and take more effort. I'm sure you will find that once you get there and they are away from gadgets etc they will love it.

My tip would be to only arrange activities that they would like regardless of whether you want to do them. I hate bowling and go karts but did all that kind of thing because it's rewarding when they're having fun.

Perhaps lay some rules for gaming, time limits for school days or holidays?

I'm with you here. Three of mine are lovely considerate young adults. The 16 yo spends minimal but some time with me. Needs to know I'm here, her life is school and friends and that is pressured as is my life and job. I do my own thing but continue to suggest things she might join in on, rarely taken up. Hang on in there. Navigating teens can be difficult at times but I am sure being a teen is more difficult. All their energy goes on that

My 13 year old is getting like this too - l am letting nature take its course and giving her freedom to do her own thing - l love having time to myself so she knows l am about if needed but not assume l am here to hand out money and give lifts just when it suits !

I would have boundaries for the gaming, my DS would not be spending all day every day of half term in his room gaming. I'd be telling DS he will come on the trip and enjoy it or I'm turning the WiFi off for the rest of the holiday!

I'm sure they will enjoy it when they get out of the house and you get there.

Are you capable at all of reading the room? Do everyone a favour and just stop talking

This is hard but really normal, op.

You don’t need to lay on lots of treats and outings but I agree that if they’re just on screens all day, it’s good for them to do other things too. Have you tried talking to them about what they’d like to do- shopping trip, cinema? Might not be the same for both but they’re old enough to leave one behind.

Keep it low key so that if it is a failure, you haven’t spent thousands and built it up into a huge thing.

Also remember that teens sometimes come across as if they’re grumpy and disengaged even when they’re actually not. Lots of times
my YA kids have reminisced about great trips we’ve done and how much they enjoyed them, when my memory is that they sulked the whole time 😂 They don’t always show their appreciation when and how they used to when they were little. They also still really need you so don’t read an arsey demeanour as meaning there is no role for you any more.

The car is a good place for chats- something about sitting side by side makes it less combative.

I recommend this...

Take the gaming console away. It seems to be the new normal that it’s ok for our kids to be attached to screens and waste their entire lives on these fucking devices. You could easily get a kid away from a book 20 years ago for a chat.

Totally get it op. Hang in there. Everyone tells me they will come back. I hope so.

Oo get together with your friends
talk to them about how you’re feeling

The fact a child is autistic and doesn’t want to eat in front of other people doesn’t mean she doesn’t join for family dinner time and instead eats alone all meals in her room

Have you ever read anything properly in your entire life? You’ve probably made the op feel like shit because of your absolute glee at the thought of catching her out on being pregnant, when she’d lost the baby. And now you’re telling her she should be having dinner as a family when she’s already explained her daughter won’t eat in front of people. Read properly before commenting ffs!