To take dd for an overnight break for her birthday, and leave dp and DS at home?

Your DP is being selfish on this.

His thinking of what he wants (family trip) and not what she wants ("treat" experience one-on-one with you).

It's her birthday, she should be allowed to choose what she wants, within your budget and capability obviously. She's made her wishes clear, you can make her dream a reality.

Yep, and a family room with dad and kid brother sounds like anything but a treat for a teen girl.

The birthday treat is supposed to be about the person whose birthday it is.

Why shouldn't a Father get to celebrate his daughter's birthday, with her on the day of her birthday. She's 50% his child too. Mine would be genuinely upset if he was left out, as would I if it was the other way round.

If the problem is the DS, can’t he have a sleepover somewhere.

Definitely do it alone with daughter with no complicated arrangements to appease DH.

he can take the opportunity to do something with DS, cinema (or late film at home) out for meal or trampolining comes to mind.

Good lord

Your partner appears to be very strange

Wow.

Yanbu.

Of course just and you and your dd should enjoy a lovely girly weekend, there is something so special about 121.

But on the contrary, his reaction is weird and possibly controlling and also it's very strange that she is a teenager and this is the first time it's happened. Im hoping for your sake this is just a one off from him.

They have to be taught early, girls, that they can’t have anything for themselves…

When it’s your DPs birthday, do all go for a trip to soft play followed by a Pizza Hut? Or does he get things that are just about him?

Your DH is really unreasonable.

Birthday treats should be what the person wants, not some crappy version to accommodate parents wishes.

What a big man baby

What is he upset about, missing spending time with DD on her birthday or just the trip?

Because if it's the birthday I can understand it and maybe you could do the night after her birthday as the trip away just you and DD, or the weekend after even.
Or could you all go to London during the day and have dinner together then DH take DS home while you stay there with DD and do shopping the day after? Or DH and DS could go to a museum or something while you and DD shop.

I definitely agree that you don't all need to do everything together all the time though so if he's just upset about missing out on the trip he's being unreasonable and he should do something nice with DS at home.

Is the crux if it that he doesn't want to parent your son alone
Also my first thought.

The family therapist i saw recommends taking each child for an over night break each year. For good separate focused time of connection

This is a birthday experience for your daughter.

Your husband is being unreasonable because he wants to scale her experience back to suit his wishes.

It's not his birthday.

Why does he want to go when it sounds like DS wouldn't enjoy it? Does he not want to parent DS one night alone?

"OUr daughter wants a girlie weekend in London with her Mum for her birthday. I will be giving her that. We are going on x dates so make sure you are around and no plans as ds will be staying home"

I'd not even ask. I'd tell, with flexibility on the specific weekend to make sure he is available.

I have twin girls who love a night away in a hotel. It’s a very different vibe if the whole family goes. So it’s very much a girly treat. No one else minds they can choose to do the same for their birthday with whoever they want. Joy of it being your birthday.

He's an adult. He can cope with feeling left out whilst his daughter has the treat of a lifetime, for her birthday, surely?

YANBU, some of our best times have been when we've taken one kid 1:1 it's really special. We have a boy and a girl but have each done things with them (ie not just mum & girl shopping and dad & boy sports breaks).

As parents we both now have very strong relationships with our kids and very fond memories of our separate excursions. When you take one child they act totally differently to with siblings and are an absolute pleasure to be around,

Get it booked

My mum took me to Portugal for a few days when I turned 13, just me and her. She did activities/days out etc with each of my brothers too. We were 4 very different kids with very different interests, I enjoyed laying by a pool, my oldest brother loved mud-biking which was my idea of hell, sometimes you need to divide and conquer.

Do it.
They are individuals and this is what dd would enjoy
Do same with ds if he wants later
Get babysitters and do same with dp at some point

YANBU. Treat your daughter, have a fab time just the two of you. Your son's time will come, maybe his dad could take him for a treat, to the cinema or for a burger etc?

I can understand that your DH would want to go too, if it's something he'd enjoy and he might be feeling left out.

Could DS go and stay with Grandparents/someone else for a couple of days while the three of you go. You could have a birthday tea with a cake which includes DS the day before you go or when you get back.

So your husband has suggested something that your daughter doesn’t want - for her birthday.

she’s a teenager, it’s ok for her to have a day that she wants. I don’t think it’s a big ask and you can do something as a family at home before/after.

You have a selfish husband. Making your daughter’s birthday about him. My husband would have been happy for us to celebrate this way. I find your husband’s behaviour v unattractive.

I think it would be lovely to go just the two of you. Would it work for you two to go for the night - stay in the hotel, shop etc and then the following day DH and DS meet you for lunch or dinner or an activity in London.