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Original poster

To think you don’t get ‘Brownie Points’ for going to work socials?

85 replies

Austell · 12/02/2025 16:39

I worked in the same place for 2 years. For a lot of that time, I was on a huge weight loss journey - think losing in the region of 7 stone in total - going from 22 to a size 8 via calorie controlled diet and exercise - so big life change.

Sometimes during that 2 year period I just didn’t want to socialise with my colleagues outside work I’d rather just focus on my diet and exercise.

However, I often went to meals and random dinner parties of colleagues I didn’t really want to go to - I’d rather have been at the gym - but I went out of obligation, people pleaser in me I guess.

.To cut a long story short - at the end of the 2 years I left work because I did something acutely embarrassing. I wasn’t sacked - but I felt it was best to leave even though I had no job to go to.

After I’d left with no job, no income but none of my colleagues said to me - “oh let’s give Austell a bit of support now because fair play, she came to a dinner party she didn’t want to go to.”

The purpose of this thread is basically to support anyone out there who doesn’t want to go to a work social because they are a people pleaser like me and are afraid to say no because they’ve been (wrongly) conditioned that saying no is selfish etc.

OP posts:
loropianalover · 12/02/2025 17:13

Austell · 12/02/2025 17:08

Maybe they could’ve helped me find a job or something or just invited me round for some emotional support? They did have my number

Show quote history

Why on earth would they do this?!

You dreaded going to a dinner/work socials with them, but they’re supposed to help you find a new job after you had to leave your role? Why would they ever refer you to anywhere or want to be associated with your name if you had to leave the company due to poor conduct?

EmeraldRoulette · 12/02/2025 17:11

@Austell half a story here

you resigned. Do they know why? Is there any reason for them to think you need support?

Original poster
Austell · 12/02/2025 17:08

FudgeSundae · 12/02/2025 16:44

Sorry I’m a bit confused. You resigned, you weren’t sacked, so when would your colleagues have had the opportunity to give you these brownie points to help you? How is the gym/weight loss bit relevant?

FWIW I do think you get some brownie points for work socials, but only as a team player, it won’t save you from being sacked if you’re incompetent.

Maybe they could’ve helped me find a job or something or just invited me round for some emotional support? They did have my number

OP posts:
RechargeableGnu · 12/02/2025 16:56

Those two things are not linked at all.

You went on work socials to dinner at people's houses which you would rather not have done.

When you left they didn't get in touch.

How bizarre you would think that they would, unless you were friends which it doesn't sound like you were.

Biffbaff · 12/02/2025 16:54

I do think you get brownie points for going to work socials, but probably not enough to make up for whatever it is you did.

Whatafustercluck · 12/02/2025 16:48

Well, i know where you're coming from on this. I hate small talk and I'm not very good at it, so socialising with people I don't know very well makes my blood run cold. But. Most of my friends are ex colleagues, so there have been lots of occasions at work where I've enjoyed socialising and it has resulted in lifelong friendships.

Also, you do tend to find that those who maybe go outside their comfort zone and attend these things gain a lot of career mileage through networking. I was never that person, until I realised that as much as I dislike it being the case, the biggest opportunities in life come your way because of who you know, and very rarely what you know. I've always resisted this vehemently, but it's the only way to be taken seriously if you want a career.

EternalSunshine19 · 12/02/2025 16:47

Maybe your colleagues thought you wanted to go to these social events?? unless you explicitly told them you didn't want to go, but still went, how would they know?
Also no one gets brownie point for going to a work social event, you either go or you don't. No one gets brownie points for going and no one gets penalised for not going.
You might be expecting too much from your ex colleagues.

Crunchymum · 12/02/2025 16:46

To cut a long story short - at the end of the 2 years I left work because I did something acutely embarrassing. I wasn’t sacked

What did you do? That might go a long to way to explaining why you aren't contacted by your ex colleagues?

PensionMention · 12/02/2025 16:46

But you did something acutely embarrassing which meant you felt you had to leave before you were sacked?

Whatever you did means people may not want to be associated with you, especially if they still worked there. You gave up your livelihood, they didn’t.

FudgeSundae · 12/02/2025 16:44

Sorry I’m a bit confused. You resigned, you weren’t sacked, so when would your colleagues have had the opportunity to give you these brownie points to help you? How is the gym/weight loss bit relevant?

FWIW I do think you get some brownie points for work socials, but only as a team player, it won’t save you from being sacked if you’re incompetent.