To think you don’t get ‘Brownie Points’ for going to work socials?

I wouldn't expect my colleagues to help me find a new job, even if we were good friends and I'd left the company on good terms. Absolutely bonkers to expect them to do so in your circumstances! The fact that you grudgingly attended a couple of work socials doesn't mean they owe you careers guidance or emotional support after you've left.

I feel like what you wanted from your ex-colleagues was a show of friendship. But by your own admission you turned down most social occasions and didn't want to go to the ones you went to. It sounds like you didn't form any bond with them. It's fine if you don't want to socialise, which is fine, but don't expect friends to magically appear.

Depends on the role, industry and level surely?

I've worked for a company where the socialising is a core part of networking, and was indeed very important.

I've also had colleagues I've socialised with reach out and ask for help after leaving suddenly and have always been happy to share job vacancies/link them up with contacts etc. Did you reach out and ask any of your ex-colleagues for their help/to stay in touch? Or send round a goodbye email with onward contact details? I think if you don't people assume you don't want to stay in touch - the onus (IME) is for the person who leaves to make the effort to stay in touch.

I think it does get you brownie points, but they’re not points that are going to be redeemable after you’ve left the job. It applies while you still work there, not after you’ve left.

I have no advice and don’t really get what the OP’s on about, but I do need to know what the embarrassing thing was.

So...

Even though you were on a weight loss journey and it didn't suit you, you went to work socials believing it meant you had Brownie Points

You then resigned from work following an embarrassing incident

Surely when you leave a workplace voluntarily or otherwise any Brownie Points you accrued no longer exist because your contribution has ceased ?

I don't get it, I'm sorry OP

Would your ex-colleagues have known, at the time, that you were attending work social events that you didn't want to? Do your ex-colleagues know why you left and that you want support?

You definitely get brownie points for social events in my job. I banked most of it pre-children, thankfully. It’s invaluable for networking and being known to those who promote and pay.

Also confused why less slim people would be taken advantage from at work. I wouldn’t really help someone who voluntarily quit find a job; I’d assume they had that in hand.

what did you do?!

I'd say you get points as a team player and something to chat to colleagues about if you go to socials, you don't get some sort of long term get out of jail free card.

Why on earth would they? And how?
I worked in my previous job for 10 years, went to most social events despite being an introvert. I would have never in million years expected one of my colleagues to "help me" find a job. I know how to read job ads...
I have some friends from previous jobs but these are completely independent of my socialising. I have also never once contacted a colleague who left for "emotional support". I assume they leave because they have a better offer elsewhere.

OK yeah you come across as quite weird in these threads.

i used to go to socials. I was once sacked because I majorly screwed up and all my colleagues immediately cut me off. It was years ago and I never heard from them again. I suppose I might have done the same thing as it must be so awkward, although if it happened to one of my colleagues now I’d like to think I’d have some more compassion.

Anyway, do bigger people get taken advantage of more than slender people? In what way?

You definitely are part of the in crowd if you go to almost every social event.
Most people are colleagues not friends.
What on earth did you do though??

If you only socialised occasionally, was there really enough time in the 2yrs you were there to form lasting friendships (as in the type you speak on the phone to in the evening, go out on your own, who would pop over and see you when you left)?

I can’t see how you are relating these two things? You are the one who resigned, did you tell them why you were resigning? Did they know you need a new job? You seem to think these people owe you something and I’m not sure what your colleagues have done wrong?

Your colleagues were never going to help you get another job. Its a bit weird to expect that.

I don't think get "points" or currency in personal situations by going, but it is noticed when you don't go, and if you do throw yourself into the social aspect of work, you absolutely do make connections that can smooth the way and bring opportunity.

You do get brownie points. It does help, at the time. But YABU to expect work colleagues to come and look after you when you left before you were sacked…

Maybe they thought that attending a social with your team was the reward and they didn't know you wanted actual points you could cash in for spending a few social hours with them?

I think you've probably answered your own question. If you did something acutely embarrassing, I suspect your colleagues distanced themselves from you. I'm afraid people have to think about their own jobs when the chips are down. I also think it rather strange that you feel people should help you look for a job because of a handfull of social occasions. You obviously weren't terribly close to them - by your own admission you generally avoided socialising. Even if you went to every work's do possible I still don't see why or even how former colleagues should help you look for a job. That's never happened to me, and I'm very sociable! As for phoning you, see my comments above.

What the hell did you do!! Come on OP we all need to know!

I just want to know what you did...

I think I get what you mean.

Having spent many dismal decades in offices, I have time and again observed how almost immediately the water closes over the head of the person who has left. However popular they may have been.

I stopped going to social events years ago as it took a lot out of me, for little or no benefit.

Going to work socials can give you "brownie points" within that workplace as part of the team, someone who gets involved etc. No issue with not, but can be a positive. This would not help when not working there.
They can also be a chance to build stronger relationships with colleagues, which could lead to friendships. These work-related friends may be helpful in terms of seeking support after leaving a workplace.
So it's really more about the level of relationship you built and if you have then asked them for any help.

This is a very odd thread.

To answer the actual AIBU, in some workplaces you absolutely do get 'brownie points' for attending socials. In some it's not important. It depends on the culture.

Still not sure how your AIBU has any relevance to your weight loss or the embarrassing circumstances around you leaving the job though. Those things are very particular to you, and not applicable in most cases.