To think you don’t get ‘Brownie Points’ for going to work socials?

If someone at work left voluntarily I would assume they wouldn’t need help finding a job; they must already have one or no longer need one if they choose to leave.
Work socials are for relationship building. What you do at the socials matters. You don’t get anything only from being present.

Summed it well here… the “thing” that held you together, ie: the job is no more, therefore the obligation you have to each other ( chatting, discussing the tasks, team work etc) is also no more.
People do move on, rapidly I find.

Kindly, OP, your weight loss is admirable, but did you ‘obsess’ a little over it? I’m thinking that a weight loss that big would be a major part of your life, did you talk about it a lot?

I hope you move on in life, also, and let this go.

Did you ask any of your former colleagues to look out for suitable jobs or help you find one? If a colleague at work resigned I would never dream this was something they expected as I would assume they either had one lined up or were choosing not to work.

Why would colleagues know that you had given up something (going to gym) to go to optional work socials unless you moaned all the way through I am missing the gym to be with you lot. In which case they were probably thinking so what!

I have been through a weight loss journey and know the "sacrificial" element of attending something to the detrimental of your weight loss plan. But it is for you to decide whether attending is worth it to you. Its noone else's burden/decision.

I think work social events and the reason your colleagues didn't maintain contact after you resigned are two separate issues.

Going to work social events might get you "brownie points" with the higher-ups but people at the same level rarely care whether someone attends or not. They might say "It's a shame you didn't come it was great fun" but that's not the same as thinking less of you for not coming.

I doubt this was a reason for colleagues not speaking to you after you left. That's just normal behaviour, people work together and try to get along but the only connection is that they work at the same place. I have hundreds of ex-colleagues and only ever kept in touch with a handful. That's normal.

Think of it this way, if you weren't friends with them before you started working there, there's no reason to think you'll remain friends after you leave.

I think in some industries you get much better if you are social. I know someone who really struggled to get work as an advocate (Scottish version of a barrister) as wasn’t in with the dinner party crowd, nearly bankrupted himself in the process. This was nearly 30 years ago and reforms have happened but it’s still a bit of a club.

With colleagues though in general as soon as you leave a job you are pretty much dead, maybe a source of gossip every once in a while. I heard x is working at y type stuff or horrors got caught doing something like drink driving.

As an employee it’s best to know that whilst there’s a veneer of teamwork and friendship and we are like family here, you are a number and can be replaced and no one will give a shit.

If I look back at my working life of the past 30 years, some of the things I remember the most are the work socials - when x left, or when y retired, or that Christmas party on the rocky boat, or that quiz night at the pub etc. It's not the endless meetings and reports and daily grind.

I'm an introvert and my inclination is to not go ... but I'm always pleased I do and I have lots of good memories from it now.

OP, I think you’ve misunderstood the point of work socialising, and some of your posts are quite strange — do you generally struggle socially?

The fact the op expected ex colleagues from a job of a mere 2 years (which she left under what sounds like the cloak of darkness) to help her find a job…. Tells us all we need to know about the OP and indeed why her ex colleagues have decided not to have anything more to do with her

This

Yeah, they're different currencies OP. Work socials help oil work relationships. Work relationships can be really valuable but they tend to be situation specific. Not necessarily for a,terrible reason but people have to be professional at work - it's not their full relaxed mode. Sometimes a work friendship crosses over into a general friendship and that's nice but quite rare. Doesn't mean the work friendships and relationship building was a waste of time though. For general life support, especially after you've left, you need another kind of friend though. Ideally one who knows nothing of work but loves you and can say "yeah, their loss, sounds like a shit company anyway, better things ahead".

No one does this. Except in rare cases, when you leave a job your relationship with the colleagues is over.

congratulations on your weight loss - at least you're fitter and healthier if not happier.
I hate work parties/social events - usually go along because it's a good way to get to know colleagues better, improve work relationships. In my current role I am expected to organise the bloody things.
A couple of my best friends now are former colleagues - but I wasn't particularly friends/social with them whilst working with them, they were professional relationships which after the working with them I (and they) put time into developing.
I'm currently coaching and supporting a former employee because she is having a hard time in a new role - but she contacted me, I wouldn't have dreamed of contacting her to offer support -maybe the odd 'how's it going' WhatsApp.

If you want support from a particular issue in connection with a new job search, I think you're going to have to contact them, not sit there cross that you went to the Christmas party but your former colleagues aren't ringing non-stop.

it could easily have been a release of intense pressure

That'll be the 'figurative fart' op let out, then.

This. It doesn't really mean much. You go to socials but it doesn't mean those people are your friends or owe you anything.

I left a job after ten years in a large company and loads of people didn't bother to say goodbye, and I went to loads of socials and was popular at points. After maternity leave I could not be bothered. I'm still in touch with people who I worked with pre kids at the same place and had moved on before I did.

But now I'm older and wiser I realised most people don't give a crap and that is fine. I'm in a good job now with good people but I'm under no illusion that we're friends or that people wouldn't get rid of me if my performance dropped or if the company went through a tough patch. Work friendship doesn't transcend those parameters.

Losing 7 stone requires such commitment you inevitably lost perspective on life. So whatever you did, I hope you forgive yourself, it could easily have been a release of intense pressure. i presume your ex colleagues don’t quite know how to handle whatever you did/ the rumours and so have made you out of sight, out of mind

Of course you get Brownie points at work, but those points are no more a long time lifeline than the real Brownie points we got when we were young. Not sure you'd be expecting Brown Owl to be dropping in to solve your problems either.

You make it clear that you didn't see your colleagues as friends so odd to think they would see it any differently.

Ultimately self protection is a thing and most will do this unless it’s for someone they really love and actually liking isn’t enough. By your own admission you were not actually friends with any of them.

The way the posters posts are coming across is very odd. I assume whatever they did at work was peculiar rather than criminal.

@Austell

Please can you explain how you have helped colleagues who left get new jobs and how you supported their transitions.

I suspect the OP is still very much the talk of this workplace

and op I’ll take a point that you haven’t secured a new job?

You do get brownie points IMO in the sense that if you show up, bring your charisma and build a friendly relationship, people are more inclined to think you're having an off day if you fuck up, rather than mentally rolling their eyes and thinking you're a moron. I go to work socials and we have a great time but these people aren't my friends, we don't WhatsApp or share shit memes or hang out with eachothers families. I wouldn't expect any of them to reach out beyond arranging a teams call if I'd done something hugely embarrassing.

I dont like point 3, which basically implies that your weight fixes everything. You have value whatever your shape or looks and I have no time for people who would be unsupportive because someone isn't hot. If you work in that environment you're better off out.

How are they supposed to know you would rather be at the gym than at their dinner?

Have you ask for support? They might not know you want it. Most likely they would think you quit your job and moved on.

Lol, because you occasionally deigned to socialise with them when you didn't want to, which was probably obvious? No, that's not at all how that works.

How are your colleagues meant to find you a job?

I am agog with curiosity about what you did

Bingo