In light of another thread what is the ‘Worst thing daughter/son in-law has ever said or done to you?

My MIL and I were having a conversation a few months ago about things we had said and done to each other over the years that we had been hurt by. So I thought I would share what she told me was an awful thing I said to her.
About 15 years ago DH and I went on holiday to Cornwall for a week. It was a one bed apartment with a sofa bed in the lounge. For some mad reason I invited PILs to come down and spend a few days with us. They never seemed to go anywhere themselves and had always wanted to visit that part of the world so my younger and eager to please self thought it would be a great idea for them to come and stay with us. I was really excited when they arrived. PILs had loads of questions about the place and things we had done on our first few days. I cooked dinner that night with MIL watching on asking me questions constantly about what I was doing and why. After I finished cooking and dished up MIL told me she didn’t like what I had cooked. That’s fine, if a little annoying.
On the second day we took them to The Eden Project. And the questions kept on coming. The one that made my eyes pop and fizzle was why a group of people had a different colour sticker on their jackets to us. In the car back to the apartment the questions kept on coming, just a constant stream of ‘why, why’ why’ and I snapped. I retorted back to MIL it was like having a pair of kids in the back of the car. Silence ensued. We did talk about other things that night but the next morning a visibly upset MIL told us she and FIL were heading home early as they needed to get back. I never questioned it, because I was genuinely happy for them to go at this point. In 15 years we have never spoken about that holiday until our recent conversation and MIL told me that I had upset her so much with my retort she couldn’t stay with us any longer and cried all the way home back to London.

Well you don’t know why she went to bed. You think it was because of something free floating and ill defined—miasma or disrespect—but if she took to her bed she either had a perfectly good reason or she really dislikes you snd was refusing to host you.

If that family member had a migraine, bad period pain or was just exhausted then yes, I would be sympathetic and absolutely fine with it.

I would feel terrible if I thought that someone that dragged themselves out of bed just because I was visiting

All this talk of 'good manners' makes you sound like you have very old fashioned values. And that you value yourself and your wishes above the comfort of other people.

You are really not coming across well here.

'Disapointed' in your DIL being asleep.

That's so passive aggressive.

@TheAmusedQuail I got told off for giving a DIL's point of view! Be careful!

You may not be the mil but you're the one complaining about your step Dil! I don't see her father in law moaning on here.

My mother would also find a nap rude if she was visiting. I agree it's not "etiquette" to do this, on the other hand, it's not that bad either, it's not harmful to you, you presumably came mainly to see your son anyway. It's probably a generational thing where the older generation thinks they deserve respect but the younger generation thinks they should be more flexible. When I was young and we visited grandparents we sat nicely on the sofa with our feet on the floor and waited to be spoken to. My kids are likely to be charging round my parents house causing chaos. On the other hand my kids absolutely love my parents whereas I never moved beyond stiff pleasantries with my grandparents. You can't have it both ways. Either you make yourself pleasant and easy going and they continue to invite you round. Or you make a big deal out of inconsequential things and criticise your son's wife and expect them both to do what you want, and they will not want to see you as much. The days are gone when you could command respect just because you are older.

Do you understand that by asking your son to wake up his wife you were criticising his wife and trying to come between them? That is exactly the kind of thing that will cause her to dislike you. Whatever you privately think of her behaviour, keep it to yourself and don't try to get your son on your side. It's not up to him to try to improve her manners to your standards.

Since no one is really slagging the DIL's off, I'll offer a couple about me as a DIL. My MIL and I didn't get on.

Once she came to visit unannounced while my husband was out. The front door was locked and the curtains not open. So I sneaked downstairs, made sure the backdoor was also firmly locked and crept back upstairs. And stayed there until she'd gone.

Her house wasn't clean, so whenever I went over there (as infrequently as possible) I'd take my own bowl and cutlery to feed my DS with.

We were trying to find a house to buy and actually found one near my MIL. It was the first house we'd found I actually liked, but no way was I going to live near her.

She used to bitch about me to my SIL and about my SIL to me. And my SIL and I would get together and tell each other what she'd said about us.

But they'll make marvellous MILs as they have all been on the receiving end of poor behaviour although as they don't think their sons are adult before 25 they will no doubt need to keep an eye on their 'little family'!

Don't get this at all!

I would be mad at dh if he went off for a nap my Parents or his. For two different reasons but either way unless sick it’s rude.

I really don't think it's that dreadful to have an afternoon nap - she might be tired from being up with young children or long hours at work. Asking your son to wake her up to say goodbye is passive aggressive. You sound excessively formal - these people are your family. I would also be wondering if your son was pulling his weight, if she is so tired

Have to say this is absolutely typical mother in law behaviour - blaming Dil for something that is just as much their son's fault.

My aunt is law used to visit my grandparents with two tiny children, one of whom had undiagnosed SENas this was sixty years ago, and would instantly collapse and throw her back out and need to rest. Thats not because she was a bad DIL or a bad guest but because she was run ragged by hr useless husband (my uncle) and the two kids. As soon as she knew she could lie down and the kids wouldnt die of neglect from mr professor of marxist philosophy she would just unconsciously relax enough to collapse. We loved her and really didn’t take it as a kind of lese majestè (sorry can’t remember where the accent goes) if she couldn’t get u and perform host or guest duties appropriately.

That’s interesting part again isn’t it.

People don’t seem to have issues with son in laws. Unless you’ve got a major arse of one.

It’s always the mother and daughter in law relationship never the father and daughter in law either. One women vs another.

Of course both women could be terribly controlling with a mother who can’t stand her little boy being a man with his own home and family and a new wife who can’t stand to share even an hour of her husbands time to the other women in her eyes.

It cant even be being raised differently
otherwise the sons in laws should have these big problems and father in laws.

When we got engaged, dh phoned his mum to let her know (we were a days travel away and didn't have time to visit to pass on the news).

She burst into tears - and they weren't happy tears! She was distraught at the thought of him marrying me and never going "home" (we live in Scotland and he's from Belfast). He was never going back with or without me, made up his mind years ago!

Next time he visited her he sat her down and pretty much said if you don't want me to marry weegie you won't be seeing much of me either - and after that things were ok. I redeemed myself by providing 3 wonderful grandchildren and we get on just fine these days!

You were both guests of your dh’s son, not of the DIL. The DIL was a bad host but the real connection between you and that household is your DSS/DH’s DS. If he never learned his to be a good, caring, son is it because his upbringing was poor? Is he angry at his dad for something? Or poorly raised by dad and mum?