Bridezilla- wedding accommodation.

When we got married (15 years ago), we had this option. We had a stately home sort of wedding, though the actual wedding was in the grounds and a barn. We could have hired the big house out too for accommodation, but opted not to. I didn’t want to be dealing with the drama of taking payments from guests (it was like 20 rooms, more than we needed for wedding party and immediate family, so people would have needed to pay). And it was more than I’d pay to stay at someone’s wedding, so decided that was not a good fit for us.

Instead, we blocked out all the rooms at the pub down the road, £60 a night. Or my family got a cottage nearby and my bridesmaid stayed there for the weekend (all paid including taxis by us). Cheap and cheerful and no drama and the wedding party didn’t have to pay a thing. My bridesmaid flew in from my home country and BIL and partner, bless them, flew all the way back from motorbiking around India. We were just grateful they made it.

Oh my god! Imagine making a profit from your wedding!

I’ve had this a few times but it seems to be rare now. Weddings are so often in the middle of nowhere, leaving you with the option of expensive overnight accommodation (if I’m paying that amount I want an actual mini break out of it, not just somewhere to crash after a wedding) or driving, which tends to lead to people leaving earlier.

The worst one I knew of was people who OWNED the reception venue and still charged their guests to stay!

Disgusting behaviour from the bride and groom.
cost of the B&B should have been included in their budget if they were insisting people stay there, to try and recoup costs is shameful.

out wedding didn’t cost anyone any more than a night out should have, we had it local so everyone could get taxis (we even covered these for those guests that lived the other end of the city), no one needed to pay for hotels.

They were greedy. They were trying to recoup the cost of their wedding venue by charging their guests. Quite naff.

And quite different from a group of friends sharing a rented house for a holiday.

YANBU. A desire for the perfect wedding shouldn’t destroy family relationships or (especially long-standing) friendships. What matters is celebrating with the people you love. Not the perfect venue and images. That’s vacuous. Style over substance.

Your friend pressured you to pay for something you couldn’t afford and, to help her out, you agreed to things that didn’t make sense for you and your DP, such as travelling a long way in two separate cars.

You offered a huge compromise: your DP dropping out and you offering to share a room. But, that still wasn’t enough. She was too demanding and was childish/cruel to exclude you from her wedding because you wouldn’t shell out more than a thousand pounds, which you couldn’t afford.

You could still repair your friendship if it means a lot to you and she’d be a positive addition to your life going forward. She may be feeling regretful, in hindsight, about what happened. I expect she was very stressed at the time. So, you could try reaching out. But it’d only work if she shows some remorse and empathy as to why you were assertive (yet compromising) in setting cost limits.

If you said anything in the row you now regret and feel sorry about, you should let her know this. But, there’s no need to apologise if you were merely arguing you couldn’t afford it and that she was being unreasonably demanding by insisting you pay to make her wedding perfect.

Absolutely bizarre. You'd think they were on commission selling the rooms to people as self appointed travel agents?!
You should be allowed to book a room in that building at the cost the hotel charges. Even then I don't really see what's in it for you, seeing as you're appointed the unpaid cleaning team duties that seem to be compulsory for several hours after the event.
Basically it's a rip off and there's no point going as you'll just end up falling out with them over how conned you feel by the experience.

We did this for our wedding! Why would you want to put your friends out to attend your wedding!

To be fair I think this was a new phenomenon- the venue hires out the whole building say £6000 - if they fill all the rooms they charge a high price to cover the wedding cost - only it didn’t work as most guests found cheaper accommodation close to the venue and booked that instead leaving the couple unable to afford the venue - I think they were misguided and then found themselves in debt. I don’t think it was ever meant to work with guests paying for rooms and they underestimated the amount of guests willing to pay.

@Kittycat1969 yep - I've been to a fair few like that -

These sorts of threads make me feel immensely grateful for my best mate's wedding - she invited my Mum (we'd been mates since school) and invited our toddler son, and provided childcare / activities in a separate room for the small children so that they didn't get bored during speeches etc, and seemed pleased to see us!

It's a standard way now for the bride and groom to make some money.
Sadly, gone are the days when you could just go to a wedding, enjoy it and come home.
I remember being a bridesmaid and just meeting the bride at the church - none of this attending to her every whim beforehand.

Used to be a thing many years back that if it was an out of town wedding, Bride and Groom paid for a coach from a Central point there and back.

A few years ago, a group of 7 of us were invited to a wedding and the bride said we could stay at the venue. We are a mixed group and equally friends with the bride and groom. As it goes, the other six of my friends I went with was made up of three couples and I was single. I didn’t get a plus one. We were reserved four rooms at £150 per room and I did think it was a bit of a pain for me as it meant me paying £150 and the other six £75. Of course tney were sharing and I had one to myself, but I never asked for that, and they were sharing with their partner. I would’ve just got on with it until one of the others pointed out it was a bit unfair on me and he suggested to the group that we split the combined cost of our four rooms between the seven of us, and everyone happily agreed. My room became the girls “getting ready” room so it worked out well for all.
My friends aren’t short of cash and they were more than happy to do it this way, and I was grateful.

a few years ago a friend of mine got married in a hotel in the middle of nowhere and the only place to stay was the hotel she was staying in where the rooms were £250 a night for a room on a par with an ibis budget! Needless to say I didn’t stay, didn’t drink and drove home quite early because it was 3 hours drive. Felt held to ransom, attending this wedding would’ve cost me about £500 with present, outfit etc. I wouldn’t mind so much if she lived in that area but she loved two streets away from me. The hotel must’ve been rubbing their hands but it didn’t work out so well for them because I think most people drove home lol

What are weddings about?
We got married 30 years ago. Tried to make it affordable for everyone and had the most brilliant day. It's about happiness, not being a film star. Very unfair of the bride to make so many demands.

At my wedding, I asked a friend to bring another person from the airport they were landing at, their flights were landing within 20 minutes of each other, as a result of that ask, I paid for their hire car.

I think a lot of this started with all these weddings that could be anywhere but look great on photos/insta - stately home, Manor House etc

Most are in the middle of nowhere meaning it's easier to suggest staying 'at the place' - but then expect everyone just to cough up very high rates. There isa lot of 'subtle pressure' too without thinking about cost- my view is if you want to get married away from your home towns or in middle of nowhere and want people to stay there with you - then you as bride and groom pay for that element- people are paying good money out their own budgets just to travel and attend and buy presents etc

I remember going to visit a wedding venue when I was getting married and you had to book the entire venue for exclusive use. The lady showing us around was gleefully telling us how we could charge guests however much we wanted for the rooms and it would really reduce our bill. I was absolutely disgusted and couldn't believe anyone did this, evidently they do.

I'm also astounded by the cheeky mare saying you had to stay to clean up! She wanted to treat you as staff and charge you for the pleasure of working for her?

yeah, I was wondering the same!

I think from the moment your friend tried to insist/guilt trip you into staying at the place she wanted rather than the one that was more affordable, she was the CF so wouldn't worry about it.

Your first post feels incomplete.

What happened? Did you actually go? What did you pay?