To not understand why family want my LO to stay

My DD is 7, her Dad split from me when she was 6 months old.
She lives with me and stays at his one night per week (one overnight, one she goes to his after school until 7pm).
She has never spent a night at anybody else’s house other than mine or her Dad’s.
I’ve never needed a break from her, I tolerate sharing her with her Dad let alone anybody else 😂
She has spent the day with other family members for various reasons but never overnight, there’s just no need. DD doesn’t want to, I don’t want to, done deal x

I think they mean well,however your baby your rules! 14 months is very young to do an overnight I think .DD was about 5 when she stayed at PILs the first time .I would be honest and say look PIL we are grateful for the offer, and no doubt will take you up on it one day .However at the moment we are relishing every minute of a longed for baby .If you want to go out together in the day with us all that will be great.

I'd have felt the same as you OP. Tell them to just wait 15 years, then they can have a whole week if they want!

We always said no, and were very thankful for their kind offers but we love our dc with us - we are a close family and they are adults now and we are still just as close. Your dd’s bonding with you and dh as her primary carers will be the most important and most beautiful for her to experience, and why would you give these precious years away.

…because it’s fun, and nice maybe ?

DD started having overnighters from about 12 months. It was lovely when she was in the 6/7/8 year old age bracket.. my sister would have her and my other niece and nephew if a similar age.. it was real adventure for her.

I think 14 months is too young but in a couple of years it will be a lovely thing for everyone involved. Some of my favourite memories from childhood are staying with my grandparents. It always felt magical. If I was you I'd say no for now but allow it in the future.

YANBU but I cant bear it when people say little one LO cringe cringe cringe. Just say your son or daughter. Sorry had to get that out.

My MIL is like this. Don't really get it myself but it isn't sinister, surely. They just love the kids and think they are being helpful. Now our oldest is almost 4 we have taken them up on it once. They also suggested she go in their room at night when we all went on holiday, which was a firm no.

Not sure why having IVF is relevant to the issue by the way. I have two IVF babies and don't assume that means I want to spend more time with them than other parents do!

@Caerulea thank you!!! I was starting to question myself over how often my kids have stayed with their grandparents 😅🤣

Sometimes it’s sharing the news with others that they are having their grandchild to stay and feeling good about it. Sometimes it’s to prove that they haven’t lost their touch and can change a nappy still and sometimes it’s a control thing. All these apply to my family at least but what they want most of all is to hear me say yes you can have X to stay, even though there is a) no way they’d cope and b) I don’t trust them due to historic stuff. Besides, I’d only hear the following day about how they didn’t sleep at all, and that would be turned on me being a crap parent so I just make vague noises when asked now, sleep routines and consistency etc.
Good luck, when they are older, why not!

Only on mumsnet have I EVER heard this insinuation that family (presumably grandparents & usually in-laws) have sinister intentions in wanting their grandchildren to stay over.

It's a really weird thing to imply, really really weird.

OP - it's totally up to you when your child stays away from you, of course it is! You don't say who the family members are but I'm assuming grandparents. There isn't anything peculiar about wanting to spend 1 on 1 time with their grandchild, honestly there isn't.

I'm 46 & have an 18 month old grandson who's stayed over a couple of times & it's wonderful! It's different to your own children & there's no stress involved, you can enjoy it more cos it's NOT parenting - it's GRANDparenting. Hearing my own kids wake in the night triggered stress & my exhaustion. Hearing my own children cry uncontrollably made me want to claw my own eyes out, it's agony. Parenting can be hard.

Grandson doesn't have that effect cos I'm not sleep deprived & don't have the primal response to him cos he's not my child. Grandparenting is easy! It's just enjoyment.

So whatever you choose whenever you choose to do it is fine, but please don't think there's something weird in their request (based on what you've said).

I have GC and I certainly wouldn’t volunteer to look after them overnight. I’ve had enough of that thank you bringing up my own DC. If you want or need a break, then it nice that a member of your family would happily take your LO - but if you say no - they should accept your refusal and stop bugging you.

Do these people take offence or get annoyed when you decline their offer to babysit overnight? Are they quite pushy or do they accept you declining gracefully?

My MIL seemed to almost be upset that I didn’t want (or need!) any help in the first few years. She seemed to think I must be struggling secretly and not want to admit it.

I think people who struggled in motherhood sometimes can’t believe that not everyone is the same.

You will jump at the chance at some point though, so don’t shut the door on it completely!

Yeah they need to leave it alone, it's not fair on you to have to keep dealing with this. Hope they back off OP

She or he (I presume you only have one baby), is a bit young to be staying over just yet. Later on when less dependent on you, not co-sleeping, it might be nice sometimes.

I don't understand it either. I find it weird and overbearing.
When my child is ready for overnights I'll offer it, stop asking/insisting it's necessary for my mental wellbeing!
Different if people offer and then leave it at that but some people keep pushing.
My LO coslept for ages and I said to my parents, well you want her overnight, are you going to cosleep with her? Nope, they want to leave her in a bed on her own in a room on the other side of the house. Which fair enough, but my LO isn't ready for that sleep set up yet. When she is we can reassess.
Most of it I feel like is actually a judgement on cosleeping & how they believe we should have sleep trained and they probably think by taking her overnight they could do that for us to 'help' us.

I'm a grandma to two wee boys. I never asked for them when they were very little to stay overnight. It wasn't my call. My daughter did ask me to have dgs1 when he was less than a year old and I was happy to oblige. Now they are a bit older, I have both boys for sleepovers, one at a time - I'm not mad! However the other grandparents asked from when the boys were tiny and got short shrift for continually asking. If they keep asking, could you just say, stop asking. We'll let you know when we are happy for sleepovers.