To not understand why family want my LO to stay

This. Do as you please and just don't bow to pressure.

If you do it diplomatically, no one can take offence really.

You wouldn't want your child around him?? Protect your child??? Jesus..... 🤯🤯🤯

I answer with ‘when DD asks to stay over’.

I also say ‘what’s the point as she’ll only cry and associate you with bad memories’.

With one family member we stay over their house and then text them when DD is awake. That way they get their quality time and we get a lay in 😁

This

I understand where you are coming from but we had to take dgc at just six weeks old as my Dil became very unwell and spent three weeks in hospital. DS needed to spend time with DIL and had to work as well, so dgc came here with ds visiting daily. Once Dil was home, dgc obviywent home but still needed to be cared for as Dil was unable to do much until she was recovered. Then, she had to have an operation, so once again, we had dgc here. Over the years, there have been several times when it was necessary for us to have dgc here overnight, not least when Dil was in hospital whilst pregnant again. Because dgc is so used to staying with us, they see it as a treat and they don't get upset when ds or Dil drops them off.
So, whilst I completely understand your feelings, I can also see that it could e useful if your lo is used to sleeping at theirs.

Yes, but I have fond memories of a wonderful overnight stay with my husband whilst my brother babysat for our 14m old. Luckily ours slept through the night so it’s not like I was missing out on quality time. The memories I had as a child were built up from 14m, I was so comfortable around my family, just like our children are around our family.

You are allowed things for you as well, the OP says she doesn’t and that’s fine, but it’s not a crime to want a swanky meal out whilst you child is sleeping and being well looked after.

You should try and figure out why you dont want it. My kids have been staying over night regularly with grandparents, godparents, their aunts and uncles. They love it and theyve always had an amazing time. Your LO is still quite young, but it does help to bond. My niece is 3 now and she stays over night with me every 2 weeks. Been doing it since she was around 6 months. This time we have her here is very special to me, my kids to my niece and to my sister who gets date night with her husband 😄

I have no idea why people are so desperate to have babies/toddlers stay overnight. They are a huge pain in the arse (babies and toddlers that is!). Sorry.

You know your child and what you and they are comfortable with. Don't let yourself be nagged into things you're not ready for. It's unkind of your family members to keep asking this way.

I was a grandchild who was sent to sleepover at my mentally ill grandmother's house, because she begged to have my sister and I over. It didn't go well. I had a friend in grade school who was molested by her grandmothers' boyfriend (who was the one begging for friend to visit) during sleepovers.

Sometimes there are problems, with or without malicious intent. I am glad you are a good and kind grandparent. Some of us are not so fortunate as your grandson.

This.

I like to think the best of others, so hopefully there's nothing odd going on. Have you told him very directly to stop asking and it isn't going to happen?

No. It is weird.

Because they love her. I used to love have bf my nieces and nephews to stay whenthey were little. You don't have to say yes, but don't create a narrative that it's somehow unusual or sinister.

I reckon it’s because they went the baby to themselves with no parental “interference”. So they can spoil the kid without a parent asking them not to load them up with sugar, or keep them up late without the parent preferring to keep the sleep routine going.
Or the other way round. My ILs were very keen to have my dc and show me how well they could parent / potty train / instil good manners (they had no need of this training, I am hot on manners etc, ILs just thought their authoritarian approach was better).

Don't mothers breast feed where you're from? In the UK, the recommendation is breast feeding until the child is 2 years old. Most mums stop breast feeding earlier than that, but lots are still feeding over the age of 12 months, mostly at night.

It's because they will get more time with the baby and get to do cuddles/care that you'd normally do, such as morning wake up cuddles. There is nothing sinister, they just don't have their own small child and as you know it is such an enjoyable experience.
Obviously you don't have to allow it but I can completely understand why they are keen.

Yes I find this with the in laws. They always want to take the children places without me or my partner. I always say no (there are other reasons why) as to me it is dodgy why they suddenly then say no they won't do whatever it is if we say one of us will come and then cancel the plans completely.

I would find that very very strange.

Tell him that you find this constant badgering of you very strange.
Personally I would not want my child around him.
That is not normal.
Listen to your gut.
See a lot less of them.
Not normal behaviour.
Protect your child.

My little one is an absolute terror for sleep, 14 months old. Had the ooo we could watch overnight, give you a break, bet he'd sleep if with us, it's because he knows you're available.

We did have an evening do wedding near theirs at about 11 months so we asked them to have him, but with us also staying over after end of the wedding (so they were looking after him from 6ish until midnight/1am).

8:30pm I was getting texts he wouldn't go to sleep, but video call showed he was happy enough, just excited about being somewhere new. Got a text at 9:30pm to say sleeping. Grand. 11pm I got calls and texts to leave and come home as he was awake AGAIN (he had woken up every 20 min and took 10 min rocking to get back down each time) and they were knackered and need their sleep.

Never mentioned having him overnight since 😅

The benevolent answer is that they have great nostalgia for their own baby days, and FOMO of the day to day stuff.

Most baby advice is usually nostalgia from how they did things, and how their babies were.

One thing that I think grandparents would benefit from understanding is that making requests more generic would help. E.g. "we'd love to spend a whole weekend with you and the kids - what would work for you?"

In return, parents would also benefit from speaking up and negotiating a bit - "that doesn't work for us, how about we do this instead?"

My in laws are always suggesting things that wouldn't work well, and my husband is rubbish at advocating for our son whilst also suggesting something that would make them happy. MIL therefore comes directly to me, which is annoying not because I then have to be the one shooting down her ideas.

Where I’m from, it’s not unusual for sleepovers to be from a few weeks old. Not saying that’s what everyone does but a lot do. Up to you of course but just pointing out everyone saying not until the DC are at school is not the norm everywhere.

This! Surely you know and understand people care about your child and would like to spend time with them.

I remember having this with SIL, who kept asking if she could take DS out on his own for the day while he was a baby. I don't think it was 'sinister' per se, but more I think she wanted to 'play' at being Mum again (her kids were all grown up). And having me there would have stopped her doing that. I suspect its the same thing with people wanting sleepovers.