To not give her a lift?

My apologies, @crockofshite - I had missed that. What a numpty I am.

I totally agree, the OP situation is definitely a safeguarding issue.

However I was trying to respond to a different poster, #purplecorkheart recounting their friends accident and her next door neighbour wouldn't take her son to school due to 'safeguarding'. That sounds like the teacher using 'safeguarding' as an excuse rather than saying NO.

Another who agrees with sending @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius email and contacting safeguarding, you can’t just dump your child and hope for the best.

I'm no expert, @crockofshite, but I'd assume it was a safeguarding issue for a parent to decide that another person, who she has never spoken to, will be giving her child a lift home - someone who is basically a stranger to her and to her child, and about whom she knows little or nothing. And given that she hasn't even asked the OP, she had no way of knowing if she could give the lift at all - @DreamingOfHotPotatoes' dd might have missed that evening due to illness or some other arrangement, so the child could have been stranded at the group with no lift home - not particularly safe for the child.

And finally, the OP did not even know where this child lived - she had to be directed by the child and when she got there, she was handing the child over NOT to her mum, but to the lodger! Handing a child over to a complete stranger.

These look like safeguarding issues to me.

In the group leader's defence, though she should NOT have been snappish with you, The other mum firmly told her you were taking the child home, as if it was all arranged... It's not surprising that she'd find it hard to believe someone would lie like that.. so its not surprising that she questioned that.

And that Op did take the girl home the previous week.

In the group leader's defence, though she should NOT have been snappish with you, The other mum firmly told her you were taking the child home, as if it was all arranged... It's not surprising that she'd find it hard to believe someone would lie like that.. so its not surprising that she questioned that.
Well done for standing your ground
She did end up taking the child home herself and will be keen not to repeat it. If the child kicked off like they did in your car, because they didn't want to hang about in the venue, she will completely understand why you don't want to drive the child (who I feel quite sorry for actually - but not because of your actions)
She will certainly speak to the other mother and complain about the inconvenience to herself.
Also she will realise that this attitude of the child's mum and her mates might make you leave the group completely. and the child still won't have a lift home organised. Group leaders don't like people having to leave the group because it affects their income.. so that might make her more willing to back you up.
The suggested replies to group leader, to make your position clear, are a good idea and you might add to the part where the child had to give their address and then you had to leave them with a lodger - which is safeguarding? I can't remember exactly wwhat was said... but I have a feeling now the group leader knows the full facts she might start to think differently.
It must have been horrid for you, being called out in front of the group, with other mothers joining in the dialogue tho, so I completely sympathise with the position you've been put in by the pitchfork villagers.

I agree with above. The group leader accused you of "Changing your mind." Let them know that you have never agreed to drop off the child. You have never met the parent. The parent didn't appear to be home when you did and you don't want to be saddled with any possible accusation of child neglect, which you suspect would be likely if anything were to take place either on your way home or once the child had been dropped back.

Not only that, but you will not tolerate being bullied by the group chat for establishing your boundaries on the subject. You have enough on your plate as a parent of a child with SEN and you don't need anything else added to your load.

OP, you need to tell the group and the leaders firmly what the situation is. I think they may believe that this was all arranged between you and the other mum and so find your behaviour anti social and unfriendly. I feel you are being bullied into submission.

I really do think you need to explain in the group chat what has happened, and add that you would have been happy to help in an emergency but your child is autistic and that adds a dynamic to the ask that they have not considered and you actually have private commitments after the pickup which mean you are not available to give lifts (you don't have to expand). Make it quite clear that at no point has this Mother asked for a lift, given you the home address or even raised the point.

I don't know how keen your dc is on this activity, whatever it is, but it sounds like a manipulative, toxic group of mums you're dealing with so if possible maybe find an alternative activity for your dc? life is too short and stressful as it is to be dealing with this nonsense. But if you keep it going, leave that stupid Whatsapp group - it hasn't proved very supportive to you.

Another thing to consider is that when you give a lift to someone else's child (and maybe take them supermarket shopping after, as she suggested) is that you are basically taking responsibility for their welfare during that time, so if anything untoward should happen to them you could be held responsible. That's fine if you are doing it as a favour for a friend, with the added bonus of maybe them doing similar for you in future, but for a stranger? I would just say no, not convenient.

Car keys in the pot maybe. Desperately trying to ensure leader stays free whilst child is dumped on another.

Sounds like all of the other mums are bitching about OP anyway. Leave the group chat. Let the lift share warriors work it out amongst themselves.

I still think this group of parents are having a night out / doing an activity when their children are at this club. That is why they are all invested in her not having to do a pick up. They need her as a 4 for bridge / tennis / twister.

If there is another group, I would LOVE to read it.

If this was a reverse and OP was having an accusation levelled at her having brought a child home she didn't know, of parents she'd never met nor had contact with, and left the child with a lodger..........people on here would write she was batshit to have involved herself.

So many red flags.
I think the Learder is a huge red flag to have knowingly been a part of this AND to have now tried to bully you into doing this, is quite shocking.

Honestly you could ring 101 for advice on this.
I've come across some CF parents but this is really unbelievable and the behaviour of the Leader is very off.

I have done some training for mandated persons, as my girls play hockey and tennis and honestly this is all so off.

You’re right, OP, there may be another group chat. In that case, I would probably write in the group chat that you’re in… “Feeling a bit disappointed in the group. Unbeknownst to me, someone has shared my personal address with another mum, who I don’t speak with. That mum took it upon herself to assume that I would be giving her child rides home, which I am not able to do. That mum told the group leader, without asking me, that I would be transporting her child home. At the end of last week’s session, the group leader informed me that the other mum had informed her of the “arrangement”, which was news to me. Caught up in the moment, I agreed to take the child home as a one off, and unfortunately the child was not well behaved during the journey. I have once again explained that I am not available to do lifts. I was disappointed to find that after my clear communication last week, that a child was once again, without the parent communicating with me, left behind for me to transport home. I was unfortunately not in a position to help out again. Others in the group have stated that they like the idea of shared lifts, so I hope that you can agree a lift share rota amongst yourselves going forward.” Then LEAVE THE WHATSAPP GROUP.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this OP and sorry for your DD too. She should be able to rely on your car and her time with you as a safe space (this is important regardless of her ND status) and it's being taken away from you both by this rude mother and her graceless child. The apple didn't fall far from that tree, did it?

This aside, the safeguarding issues are glaring. It's chilling to know that there are people with responsibility for the safety of children, but with no idea what that actually means in practical terms - not letting them go off with random anybodies is Child Safety 101, surely? You've done the right thing in not letting yourself be boxed into chauffeuring about a child you and your DD don't like, at the expense of your family time and routine and your DD's mental health. In your shoes, I'd want to know exactly when I joined her mother's payroll. . .

Do you think maybe the kid asked your Daughter if she could have a lift home each week, and your Daughter felt like she couldn't say no?

Seems weird that a Mum would just assume that you're taking her kid home.

Either way, it's totally not your job to be taking her home. I wouldn't care what the other Mums say. I think you've done the right thing telling everyone you won't be a taxi.

These people are crazy, don't worry in a year or 2 you won't have as much involvement in things like this. Stand your ground, you've done nothing wrong. The others don't have the full facts of the situation.

If your child couldn't attend the club because of illness what would happen then?

If others are that bothered then they could take it in turns to help with lifts. The child sounds challenging probably because of their home environment.

Well done for standing your ground! If other mum is so keen she can take them home!

No I did not say that OP did not know the child. You said that OP did know the child and I didn't say that she didn't.

I referred to OP's posts explaining that this child's awful behaviour and the impact on OP's autistic child was the main reason that she didn't want to give lifts, setting aside the rudeness and poor parenting decisions of the child's mother who just left her child to be picked up by OP (who she has never spoken to) with no discussion or agreement.

This! ⬆️

No is a complete sentence. No excuses needed - you don't know these people & don't owe them anything. Not your problem. If the child is left, the activity organisers need to contact parents &/or relevant authorities if necessary!

The new buzz word.

Safeguarding and mental health are serious subjects but these expressions are bandied about in all sorts of situations, sometimes inappropriately.

Well done OP. Don’t give in and don’t discuss any more. Keep interactions short and civil. Don’t doubt yourself. She is the rude and ridiculous one, not you. They will find something else to gossip about soon.

I know it’s tough but try not to remove your child.

Not easy, but not impossible and ultimately It may well be far easier than this constant fall out from a bunch of idiots who seem to think it’s your duty to ferry this kid about. I’d make it clear in the chat one last time that not once have you ever been asked, it was just decided for you with no discussion whatsoever.