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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
Felicityjoy · 14/02/2025 18:41

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 14/02/2025 07:56

Sorry I left the thread for a bit. I have been doing a LOT of digging! And my goodness do I have an update!

The leader's irritated reaction as if I was personally responsible for causing an inconvenience, the hostility from a few of the other mums, it just didn't sit right with me, something felt off. These were not normal reactions! I messaged a few other parents privately and got a very curt response from one - apparently after all I'd done, giving a lift home was the least I could do! This completely baffled me, so I rang another mum who has always seemed reasonable. I felt bad for her, as she obviously felt like I'd put her on the spot, but after some dithering she confessed that she had heard the CF's husband had left because of an affaire and it had been implied that I was the Other Woman!!!!! I was absolutely appalled as this is NOT the case! And I made very sure she knew that! I then did more digging and talking to people, and well, it's all come out now!!

Do you want to know the REAL story? CF's husband left because SHE was the one having the affaire! With, wait for it.....the activity leader!!!!!! They had hatched a plan where she would nip round to his and wait there for him, while muggins here took her child home!! I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the audacity of the two of them!! And RAGING at the gossip they were happy to have people believe about me! Apparently I was never named, just heavily hinted towards.

Hmmmmm.

How did you find out about the affair if the other mums didn’t know about it?

If the CF thought you were the "other woman", why did she want you to take charge of her daughter?

It all sounds very, very, very … unusual.

SofaSpuds · 14/02/2025 18:17

SlightlyJaded · 14/02/2025 18:12

OMG now people are randomly responding to the bit about the grocery shopping - as thought THAT is actually the current update.

Bonkers

Sorry SlightlyJaded but you made me laugh with your frustration- because I completely get it!! And I was feeling that way too 😖

SlightlyJaded · 14/02/2025 18:12

OMG now people are randomly responding to the bit about the grocery shopping - as thought THAT is actually the current update.

Bonkers

MissHollysDolly · 14/02/2025 18:06

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:49

I've had a reply. I'm staring at it in disbelief. Basically, she says its fine if I have to do the food shop after the activity, her child won't mind tagging along! Clearly I'm crap at saying no. I'm just going to have to be rude aren't I?

Ah OP the Mumsnet oldie but goodie springs to mind - "no is a whole sentence"

surreygirl1987 · 14/02/2025 18:03

Just read your update. Whaaaaat?!

LlamaDharma · 14/02/2025 17:59

TicklishMintDuck · 14/02/2025 17:41

A post? Grow a pair! Do what people have said and leave the other child with the group leader before you get accused of abduction!

Show quote history

Or perhaps just read the update…

NavyTurtle · 14/02/2025 17:57

For goodness sake. Grow a pair. Weak people moan but do nothing. You know what you have to do.

mezlou84 · 14/02/2025 17:51

You're not being unreasonable. They've not even asked you. Say sorry I'm not taking you, we're going somewhere after this and if I'd of been asked would of told your parents no. The child is the responsibility of the person in charge of the activity. They have the responsibility of staying with the child until their parents collect them and if they don't then it's a police, social services matter. My children are autistic and I don't drive, having to catch multiple buses to activities they do and this is absolutely ridiculous. Leaving them with someone they don't know and travelling with them would be a huge no. Can you imagine the implications for yourself, of taking a child you do not know home in the car. They can accuse you of anything and I'm not being silly here I know a couple of kids that lie about things that are very serious and I wouldn't be in a situation where they're alone with me without other adults around. You don't have any emergency details what if something happened and an idiot driver went into you and had to all go to hospital. Way too many risks, don't leave yourself open to anything of this sort. Think safeguarding constantly, safeguard yourself and your child and most importantly the vulnerable child left alone to travel with people they barely know.

TicklishMintDuck · 14/02/2025 17:41

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:25

The other parents seemed to think I was being incredibly unreasonable for dithering over it. They all seem to know each other well, but live in the opposite direction. We do have a group chat for parents, it's mostly used to send out reminders of any extra kit the children need to bring. I think I'll put a post on there saying I'm unable to give lifts anymore

A post? Grow a pair! Do what people have said and leave the other child with the group leader before you get accused of abduction!

Vannymcvan · 14/02/2025 17:23

Barrenfieldoffucks · 12/02/2025 09:26

If she does it today flag the issue with staff at the activity and tell them the child has, in effect been abandoned. You are a complete stranger to them.

This!!

Edit - sorry, seen updates. Did this actually happen?

MaisieMacabe · 14/02/2025 17:21

Oooh, I've just had a thought, OP! Check that your husband isn't getting together with Dean 😲!

MaisieMacabe · 14/02/2025 17:06

So, you've never met the Mother, Dawn. She's having an affair (or affaire) with Brown Owl. She then gets together with Brown Owl when you take her daughter Wren home, and deliver her to Dean, who is a lodger. The other mums think you had an affair with Dawn's husband, Darren. This is a fiendish plot devised by Dawn and Brown Owl. Wren is just a convenient device to enable the affaire.
My suggestion: you gather them all in the Church Hall, and Agatha Christie style, reveal the whole sordid plot!

LoverOfWords · 14/02/2025 17:02

Just read the other updates... never mind 😂

LoverOfWords · 14/02/2025 17:00

"Hi all,

I'm afraid there's been a miscommunication. Whilst I have no issue with being asked ahead of time occasionally, I'm really not comfortable with arriving for pick up to be told - by the child - that I'm taking them home, without being asked by an adult. There was also no one home that I knew when dropping off - just a lodger(?) which I'm sure you can understand makes me feel very uncomfortable from a safeguarding perspective.

We have a regular routine in place to support DC needs and whilst I appreciate that it does take a village, I'm a little baffled that this seems to be coming back on me. Perhaps those saying that it takes a village could put up their hands to be part of it.

Thanks,

DaveFromIT · 14/02/2025 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PacificAtlantic · 14/02/2025 16:36

Don’t take this kid home. The activity leader is responsible for making sure they’re collected and if you refuse to take the extra child the activity people will call the parent to pick her up. Stick to your guns.

ButIToldYouSoooo · 14/02/2025 16:23

I would post the truth to all of them.

GreatFish · 14/02/2025 16:03

If the other parents are that concerned let them sort the child out regardless of what direction they're going in.Your priority is your child and not putting her out of her comfort zone. THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE.

Cakeorchocolate · 14/02/2025 16:02

Why should you move your child's group.
Are you not tempted to put your own msg on the chat and 'clear things up'?

Or are you that p***d at the activity leader that you can't stand to take your child there?

I'd be posting in the group chat and calling the CF out on their behaviour- towards you, not their adultery.

I hope all the other parents who stuck their oars in with the village comments find out the truth and have the balls to say something.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/02/2025 15:50

TrustyRusty68 · 14/02/2025 14:35

Did you speak to the child’s mum when you dropped them off? Have you got their number?
’Sorry, have plans going forward after this activity to won’t be travelling directly home so
won't be able to bring xxxx home again’ if you don’t want any kind of confrontation.
Personally, I’d tell the mum that they were out of order & I’ll not be bringing their rude, badly behaved child home again - & to have been asked would’ve been nice! I get that that approach isn’t for everyone though!!

@TrustyRusty68 - @DreamingOfHotPotatoes said the mum wasn’t even there, when she dropped the child off. She had to leave the child with the lodger!

godmum56 · 14/02/2025 15:31

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2025 14:52

Cancel the child

Show quote history

penguin bollard

SofaSpuds · 14/02/2025 15:08

Eldermilleniallyogii · 14/02/2025 14:56

No I wouldn't be doing it. It's very rude of her not to ask but even if she did why should you take her every week? Even if they live on the way she should be offering to do some of the drop offs and pick up (appreciate you wouldn't want her to).

A child in DS school lives nearby and then called on us far too often to take and pick up their DC they both went to and then sometimes not turning up to get them until an hour after we got back clearly thinking it was fine to just dump their (slightly pain on the ass) child with us.

DS is starting a new activity soon and I'm hoping they don't send their DC as I don't want to be asked for lifts. I don't mind occasionally but there is something most weeks with these people.

Do you think it's ruder not to ask for a lift, or ruder to intimate that OP had an affair with CF's husband?? All the while carrying on her own affair with the activity leader?
Hmmmm 🤔

Eldermilleniallyogii · 14/02/2025 14:56

No I wouldn't be doing it. It's very rude of her not to ask but even if she did why should you take her every week? Even if they live on the way she should be offering to do some of the drop offs and pick up (appreciate you wouldn't want her to).

A child in DS school lives nearby and then called on us far too often to take and pick up their DC they both went to and then sometimes not turning up to get them until an hour after we got back clearly thinking it was fine to just dump their (slightly pain on the ass) child with us.

DS is starting a new activity soon and I'm hoping they don't send their DC as I don't want to be asked for lifts. I don't mind occasionally but there is something most weeks with these people.

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2025 14:52

sarah419 · 14/02/2025 14:42

if you are unable to directly inform the mother, you can just tell the child that you are not returning home/on that route because you are going elsewhere, but they can tell the teacher to call their mother to pick them up. it's a bit harsh on the child but it's the mother's fault.

Cancel the child

Luluissleeping · 14/02/2025 14:46

All these posters STILL just giving advice on the OP's first post! 🙄