To not give her a lift?

"I wasn't ever asked to give X a lift home last week; it was just announced on here without my knowledge or agreement. When I nevertheless dropped X home, neither parent was home to discuss this with.

X bullied my child and then kicked my seat all the way home. My child is autistic and was upset and unsettled by this.

It might take a village to raise a child, but a parent's primary responsibility is to keep their own children safe. My child needs a peaceful drive home during which they feel safe, and during which I can concentrate on driving.

I therefore won't be giving X a lift home again. It sounds like a few others might be willing to go out of their way to help though? ☺️"

Stand firm OP.
Private message not on the group chat.

Please don’t assume I can give your child a lift home again. I can’t commit to that tonight or any other week.
I will let you know if and when it becomes convenient to share lifts and then we can talk about it.
Just to be clear, please make other arrangements to get your child home.

The OP has a child with SEN this would totally cause mine to spiral and start to refuse to go.

my other child would think was fine and indeed like share lifts if it were a friend

this is neither.

OP I think you just have to say that you are sorry but it isn’t possible

OP, be firmer.

‘im sorry, that won’t work for me. As you know, my child is autistic and we need the quiet time together in the car before the craziness of the food shop. Also, I am quite surprised you have just decided I am to bring your child home and told everybody but me it happening. I’m sure you can go back to your usual arrangements of dropping off and picking up’.

Also the activity leader shouldn’t really be releasing that child over to your care

Just say in the group chat that the child was very poorly behaved and was shoving your daughter so its a no. And you were not even asked in the first place.
Then if the child is left again tell the organisers and theu can sort it.

Or just be annoyed and go along with it.

What a massive piss take! Just say aside from what I’ve already said, my child has autism and really needs that time after the activity to decompress, so sorry but I can’t give lifts.
How did this child previously get home?

How did they kick the back of your seat if they were in the front….is the activity circus skills?

If i was asked nicely to take a well behaved child home I would. However you weren't asked and the child is annoying so yanbu.

Just reply saying "no, that doesn't work for me"

Technically OP took the words of a 10-year-old to be truth without verifying or checking with the parent, therefore technically she didn’t have permission. She just took the child’s word for it and took her home. Something could’ve happened on the journey home and CF could’ve denied giving her permission. Mentioning it to a few other mums isn’t permission. This is why schools and organisations quite rightly have strict protocols about picking up and dropping off.

I personally would never have given her that lift home in the first place. I would’ve said to the organisers that I had prior commitments, no one had asked me and could they please contact the parent directly and ask them to pick their child up. and I would’ve then made it very clear to the parent never to do that again without asking. I absolutely would not have been made a mug of like that.

I would actually reply back with given your daughter's poor behavior to both you and your daughter you will not be taking her daughter anywhere.

Get a backbone (I'm saying this nicely) or you will have her walking all over you forever.

You need Zammo.

Tempting as it might be to give a brilliantly worded comeback, as you've discovered with the shopping, the more words you use, the more she can turn them back on you.

The only reply needed is "No, sorry."

Saying anything like you'll have to make other arrangements/it doesn't work for us/your child was awful etc. gives her the opportunity to offer solutions to "your" problem.

You're not being rude at ALL saying no.

You should not have taken the child home. This is a massive safeguarding risk for you and the child - who is being taught it is ok to get in a car with a stranger! Don't do it again, just alert the activity organisers that the child has no transport home. Then go home.

Of course she would say that!

As you realise you shouldn't have taken her in the first place.

If all them others tut & disagree-tell them to sort take the daughter home!

"I'm sorry, I have some personal stuff on my plate so won't be able to do this"

Stops people pushing further and is generic enough

This. Do not make it your problem.

CF just demanding you take their kid home without even having the decency to ask if it was ok first.

Tell her she’s got a brass neck, she didn’t ask and that it is inconvenient. Ask if she wants to take the kids then and you pick up or vice versa. If she won’t help then tell her where to go.

Or, I would probably just not turn up tonight and take it from there….

Echo previous posters, you can't give weak excuses to people like this, it just gives them ammunition to fight back

I’d want to ensure all the others knew you were never asked. "In a village, people speak to each other and ask beforehand if they want a favour from someone else, not just assume that someone else will take responsibility for their child who has been left without a way to get home."
For all they knew, you might have been planning to go shopping/ to Grandma's/out somewhere else on your way home the first time. (You could even pretend that had been the case.)

Having said that, I’d want to check that there is no good reason for the CFery, e.g. a new baby, seriously ill relative etc. It would still make her a CF, but there might be some slight excuse. If you did decide to give the child a lift again, tell her (and maybe her mother) beforehand that it’s on the condition that she sits quietly in the back and doesn't kick your seat.

Sometimes it’s hard to be brutal because most people in life are genuine and nice. However this woman is behaving terribly! I’d find it very easy to be blunt and rude if needs be.

Sorry - I need to be more clear. I can not give Jack lifts home.

The others are just shit stirring because they love a little argy bargy on WhatsApp. Stand your ground.

So mad on your behalf OP. You need to be assertive. Make it clear you are not willing to give lift.

This is why you don't give reasons, people just challenge them @DreamingOfHotPotatoes.

That doesn't work for me is all you need to say.

It's quite clear. The child 'demanded' the front seat but didn't get it. What's so hard to understand?