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Original poster

To not give her a lift?

791 replies

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 09:12

My child does an activity, once a week, that's roughly a 30 minute drive from my house, so an hour long round trip.

However, one of the parents, who I have never spoken to, has asked other parents where I live, and on discovering that I drive past her house, has decided that I will be taking her child to and from the activity from now on. She has not asked me this! Last week she just left the child at the activity and told the child I would be giving them a ride home. I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.

I'm taking my daughter to her activity later and I'm having anxiety over it happening again. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give this child a ride home?!

OP posts:
Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 21:01
  • not denying that the other parent was really irresponsible just leaving their child
Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 21:00

The mum was completely wrong, but I’m talking from the ops perspective it’s not really a big inconvenience, they are members of the same club, it be nice to help if she can.
there are only two members that live in the same direction it would be easier to be able to share lifts occasionally. she drives by their house.

RockOrAHardplace · 12/02/2025 20:58

Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 20:43

You’re going buy the house it’s not really an inconvenience. yes mum was rude just to presume that you were available to drop her child but could you not agree to share the run sometimes.

And that is a conversation that could have been had BEFORE the mother abandoned her child on OP. She sounds a nice woman and in an emergency of course she would help but her child is autistic so there are other issues at hand and to just abandon your child, not even knowing if OP was going to be there is totally unacceptable

herbygarden · 12/02/2025 20:58

OP, YADNBU - if the other parents are so concerned about the Mum take the kid home! Sorry they are stressing you out! I would hate this too :(

Rightsraptor · 12/02/2025 20:58

A bit of a conflict CF mum saying child would be happy go shopping with you after the class, but when you were there this evening the child was in a strop about having to wait for the teacher to pack up because she wanted to go home.

If you had taken the kid shopping with you (yes, I know that was only an excuse) she'd have been a total nightmare.

Creameded · 12/02/2025 20:57

OP, I think you should send a stinking message to the leader that you do NOT appreciate their attitude.

You are under NO obligation whatsoever to take a child home that you dont know and how dare they be short with you.

That it is a complete safe guarding issue and you intend to report them to their governing body and social services.

Report it to the childs school and SS and the LA as it is a safe guarding issue.

Plaster every single email with all their names and tell the Leader you are going to do it.

How dare they foist a child you don't know on you.
Cherky fxxkers.
I feel very sorry for you.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 12/02/2025 20:56

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allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/02/2025 20:53

@DreamingOfHotPotatoes how does the child get to the activity???

8misskitty8 · 12/02/2025 20:50

DreamingOfHotPotatoes · 12/02/2025 19:00

Sorry, I got busy with work and club.

To clear things up - the CF mum had told the group leader and other parents that I would be taking her child home. They were not being remiss in their duties. I even wondered if I had perhaps missed a message in the chat where she had asked me. It wasn't until I got home and scrolled back through the messages that I saw she hadn't ever asked me.

I arrived at the activity today to pick up my child and lo and behold, there was her child waiting too. Despite me saying no, she had done it again. I took the child in, explained to the leader that I was unable to drive the child home. The group leader was a bit short with me, saying it was ridiculous that I would change my mind at the last minute, as they had other things to do after this and dropping the child home was inconvenient for them! I then got the stink eye from one of the other mum's who said CF's husband had recently left her and could I not be a little more understanding! I said it was hard to understand someone I've never spoken to!! In then end, with much huffing and puffing, the group leader said they would drive the child home. Child then kicked off saying they wanted to go with me, as the leader still had to pack up and they wanted to be home sooner rather than later. It was absolutely ridiculous!

Id put on the group chat ‘I have never met or spoken to X parent and. I don’t appreciate lies being told about me. I have never been asked and I cannot give lifts.’
If anyone pushes back as why they haven’t take the child home ?

Id probably also throw in a comment about how ‘the village’ hasn’t helped you with your child despite having additional needs and shouldn’t they be a little more understanding.

GardeningEconomist · 12/02/2025 20:47

@Sunshine1500 Op does not know the mother nor the child.

Can you not see the safeguarding issues?

AsFunAsEnglishWeather · 12/02/2025 20:45

Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 20:43

You’re going buy the house it’s not really an inconvenience. yes mum was rude just to presume that you were available to drop her child but could you not agree to share the run sometimes.

Did you read the original post before answering? The child in question is rude and the OP's child has autism, so needs a quiet space after the activity (the car) to decompress. Why should the OP put herself out for someone who doesn't even have the decency to ask her for a lift? You can see where the child got their manners and entitlement!

Sunshine1500 · 12/02/2025 20:43

You’re going buy the house it’s not really an inconvenience. yes mum was rude just to presume that you were available to drop her child but could you not agree to share the run sometimes.

carly2803 · 12/02/2025 20:38

you need to be firm op!!

" i did not agree to give anyone a lift, especially someone who has never spoken to me regarding their child"

do not move groups and allow yourself to be bullied!

Londonrach1 · 12/02/2025 20:38

Agree it's needs to be reported.. huge safeguarding fail and the official body overseeing this activity.

Autther · 12/02/2025 20:38

CoffeeCantata · 12/02/2025 19:26

Who on earth are the 3% who think OP was unreasonable???

Probably the ones who can't understand why op is being such a wet blanket!

FruitPolos · 12/02/2025 20:38

You need to go back to the leadership and ask them about their safeguarding policies. There a serious concern here that they were expecting you to take the child even though you had not agreed to do so. Ask them to show you their policies and procedures related to the release of children and point out the safeguarding issues.

ZekeZeke · 12/02/2025 20:36

Well done standing your ground OP

Delatron · 12/02/2025 20:31

I’d definitely complain to the group
leader and mention safeguarding concerns. To be honest, I’d say I was reporting them to the Local Authority over these serious safeguarding concerns as the whole thing and they way they all colluded against you would piss me off so much. I’d go out in a blaze of glory.

But I understand you still want your child to go. I’d still complain to the group leader citing safeguarding. I’d exit the WhatsApp group and never speak to any of them again. Looks like you don’t have to stay at the activity? So just drop and run and collect and run. And they are all CFs so…

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves · 12/02/2025 20:30

Don’t change your child’s activity your child comes first. in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter if these people don’t like you because of it. No is a complete sentence. you shouldn’t have added a reason as to why a lift couldn’t be offered as it has made things more awkward. message the CF now and tell her it was unreasonable to expect a lift with zero communication and that if she does it again you will report her child as abandoned.

CantHoldMeDown · 12/02/2025 20:29

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Cherrysoup · 12/02/2025 20:25

I’m delighted you stood your ground, OP, bloody well done!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/02/2025 20:23

NotDarkGothicMama · 12/02/2025 20:23

Have you actually told the whole story to the group? "To be clear to the everyone, X's mum has never asked me to take X home. I was surprised last week but didn't want to leave X with no way home so did it as a one-off emergency. I messaged to say I can't give lifts, but X was expecting a lift home again this evening. I'm afraid my own commitments and my child's additional needs mean I cannot give lifts. I hope this is the last I need to say about it."

And this!

NotDarkGothicMama · 12/02/2025 20:23

Have you actually told the whole story to the group? "To be clear to the everyone, X's mum has never asked me to take X home. I was surprised last week but didn't want to leave X with no way home so did it as a one-off emergency. I messaged to say I can't give lifts, but X was expecting a lift home again this evening. I'm afraid my own commitments and my child's additional needs mean I cannot give lifts. I hope this is the last I need to say about it."

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/02/2025 20:21

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/02/2025 19:18

In your shoes, @DreamingOfHotPotatoes, I would be sending a very blunt email to the organisers:

“Further to tonight’s debacle, I wish to make it crystal clear that I have NEVER even been asked by X to give her daughter a lift home, and I have definitely not agreed to do so. I only took the child home last week because I was blindsided by X and her child, but prior to tonight’s activity, I told X that I would NOT be able to give her child a lift home again.

X then made the ridiculous - and frankly neglectful - decision to dump her child at the activity, knowing I was not going to give her child a lift home, presumably in hopes of manipulating me into driving her child home.

I refuse to be forced to give anyone a lift, and I am appalled firstly that X chose to leave her child with no way of getting home, secondly that you, the activity leaders, were snappy with me because I refuse to be manipulated and thirdly that other mothers at the activity were allowed to treat me rudely for sticking to my boundary - a boundary, I should mention, that they ALL knew about as they had seen my WhatsApp messages saying I would not be giving X’s child a lift home. They tried to guilt trip me there, and tried again by their attitudes tonight, and I am shocked at their behaviour and your condoning of it. I am also shocked that you do not see X’s actions as a safeguarding concern - getting her child driven home by an adult who she has never even spoken to does not sound sensible to me.

If they think X needs help, they are more than welcome to offer - but their ‘helpfulness’ only seems to stretch as far as trying to force the responsibility onto another, already hard pressed parent.

Finally, I wish to make it absolutely clear that I will not be offering X’s child a lift home in the future. I have made this clear to X, and I am making it clear to you.”

PLEAAASE send this OP and then tell us what they say 🤣

ThejoyofNC · 12/02/2025 20:19

I fear you'll be pushed out either way now OP so you might be best to look into alternatives.