To not give her a lift?

Also, @Sunshine1500, ‘sharing’ lifts assumes that the CF will sometimes be driving the OP’s child home - but every indication is that it will be an entirely one way street, with the OP doing all the giving and the CF doing all the taking.

So the activity leader and the other parents are all colluding with the negligent CF to make her badly behaved child's transport issues into your problem?

Bugger that.

Is the CF mother working? Was there any information from anyone as to where the fuck she was while you brought her child home and left her with the lodger? There is so much wrong with this entire scenario that I can't believe the rest of the people are going along with it.

I'd definitely put in a complaint about how the group leader spoke to you. That's outrageous.

Oh yes, of course. OP should #bekind despite the breathtakingly presumptuous rudeness with which the other mum has treated her.

Perhaps OP should write 'Welcome' across her forehead in block capitals while she's at it??

I'd missed this but about the lodger. This is a huge safeguarding issue. Not only had you never spoken to this child's parent and had to ask where they lived, you handed them over to someone at the house who wasn't a parent. This mother and the group leader have put you in an awful, precarious position with their actions.

You had to leave her child with the lodger. Fucking hell, THAT is why i'd not get involved. Insane to be given that responsibility.

Oh, I don’t blame her not wanting to, I doubt the other parent would be willing, but it’s an excuse to show who the cf is 🙂

I would just say no.

But it is a big inconvenience for the OP to have a rude child who shoves her own child out of the way then kicks the OP’s seat when denied the front seat. On top of all that, it deprives the OP’s child, who has autism, of her much-needed time and space to decompress.

Well done for standing your ground OP

In the circumstances you describe (not being easy to find an alternative group for your DD) I would write a very frank note on the group chat along the lines of:

'I just want to clear something up. I have never been asked to take XXX home and if I had, I would have regretfully declined as DD's autism means that even just doing the activity is quite the win for her and she needs quiet time afterwards to decompress. We use the time in the car for exactly that and I am not prepared to make her feel uncomfortable by taking this time away from her. I didn't really want to talk about this on a group chat but now feel so uncomfortable, that I don't feel I have a choice.

In addition to this, it's not within our means to commit to taking someone home on a regular basis. DD and I need the freedom to change our plans/not come to activity/to go to a park afterwards - depending on how she is coping - and this would be impossible with such a commitment.

Lastly, I find it really rude that the assumption was I would take 'child' without so much as a conversation. I have literally never spoken to 'Mum'. I cannot imagine 'assuming' that a lift was 'sorted' under these circumstances - never mind a long term commitment.

I am more than happy to offer lifts on an ad hoc basis, or in special circumstances - we are quite friendly really! - but have found this last few weeks really uncomfortable and am feeling a bit 'judged'. DD really enjoys 'activity' and it's one of the first times she's ever felt settled enough to keep doing something, so I really don't want us to feel cornered into leaving as it would be a really hard thing to replace. I hope you all now understand my point of view and will ask me directly if you need help with lifts or anything else. Thanks.

I haven’t read all the thread but surely the leaders of the activity should not have let you take the child?? I run a youth group and we must have written consent for all people who collect the child.

Whatever organisation oversees this club, assuming there is one, needs to get a complaint from you about the way the leader spoke to you.
That parent and all their friends are CF gold medallists for that caper!

I think I would have been honest from the start - "Sorry, my child doesn't like having your child in the car - they don't gel well together in confined spaces - and that's our one-on-one time together so you'll see why it doesn't work for us". And then just repeat "it doesn't work for us" ad infinitum.

Also when she said it's OK for her child to come shopping with you that's when you no way am I shopping with your child in tow. Its hard enough shopping with one child let alone an autistic child and a random stray.

I probably would have suggested sharing lifts. So you do one week they do the next.

Otherwise don't let it upset you. The woman didn't ask you. That's some pretty ignorant behaviour.

She says in her first post that she doesn’t know this woman and has never spoken to her. The woman asked others where OP lived then decided to send her child home with her. Without asking her. If you think that’s normal behaviour then you have a screw loose..

You said the op did not know the child or the mother they do!

It sounds like the group leader is friendly with that CF mum. If it starts to spoil your daughters enjoyment of the activity you will sadly need to move her. But make sure you leave a stinking review on their Google page.

Why doesn’t the other Mum offer to share lifts (or even speak to the OP)?

Why should the OP do all the lifts for a woman she doesn’t know who has never spoken to her to even ask her? Especially when it doesn’t work for her with her autistic child who needs a quiet car journey home.

I’d be tempted to not go next week, and not to tell anyone you’re not going. Then the leaders would have to sort something out.

OP has also said:

'I gave the child a ride home, but not willingly! This child shoved my child out of the way and demanded the front seat, then kicked the back of my seat the whole way home. My child has autism and really needs a quiet car on the way home to decompress, this was quite an ordeal for her.'

Why on earth do you think that OP should continue to give completely non-reciprocal lifts to this badly behaved child who upsets OP and her autistic child?

This is awful, I cant believe the cheek of it. Why didn't the mum just ask you it you could do it. I agree stand your ground. Back off from the group if you need to and feel you can..

The child was rude and badly behaved the last time OP drove her home and it upset OP's own child who has autism.

She should not be bullied into doing something that is detrimental to her own child's wellbeing.

The op has said she stays and helps out at the club, she does know the child.

Probably the cheeky mother and the two parents who think op should take the child home. It is not normal behaviour.

I'd now get a lot tougher with the leader. Ask for a private conversation and say you were never asked, you are unhappy at being pressured by other parents, and you are especially unhappy that your daughter has been made to feel uncomfortable. You will not be giving lifts and she as leader will need to make sure the other parent collects their child as it is unfair to displace that onto you.

The group leader is being completely unreasonable here. Keep strong by saying no, every single week.