To not give her a lift?

Personally I’d suggest the other parents take the child home and mum collects from other parents home, even if it’s some distance. There’s clearly no thought of your child and your plans.

@crockofshite can you explain what you mean by your question as to whether safeguarding is the new mental health?

Very well done OP. It’s so easy for others to say to help her out - but they aren’t the ones having to make the effort are they?
It might have been harder to say no if the parent had actually asked you politely first (and/or if the child was actually lovely and seemed grateful) - but since it’s upsetting your daughter, it’s a no go anyway. Just try to remember that in case she tries again - CF’s rely on “kindness” (and in this case peer pressure- I can’t believe the ridiculousness of the whats app group!)

The blame lies entirely with the other parents. however, you could have helped yourself by saying absolutely not to the child at the first instance and saying so to the leader of the activity. I absolutely understand how blindsided you must have felt in the moment!

Unfortunately my dh has had similar when our dd went to a dance class and dh would pick her up. CF mum decided he could pick up their dc and drop them off as they lived on our estate (estate has over 200 homes) and had told the group leader. Dh was firm and said he didn't know the child (child was a friend of dd's friends sister), or the parent, had never met the parent or had any communication with them and would not be taking an unknown to him child home. He even telephoned me incase I had agreed to it on his behalf and forgotten to tell him. I hadn't, he reiterated that to the group lead.The group lead called the parent who then admitted she hadn't asked but assumed and the leader said she would wait with the child until she arrived. Dh left. The group leader then communicated to all parents in the group that if anyone besides a parent or caregiver was collecting a child they needed to bring written permission and the lead had to be informed verbally to. She also reiterated that assuming others would give lifts based on proximity without being asked was unacceptable. Said woman used to give me stink eye regularly until ds remarked loudly last time that if the wind changed her face would get stuck like that.

End of.

This doesn’t make any sense. Your free to say no, I have other places to go after this activity and it’s not on my agenda to drop this child home bc I’m not going home so find someone else to take her home. Easy peasy

If she does it again, I would take the child to the organisers and leave the child with them to sort out. Make it clear that you are not available as a taxi driver and make up some excuse like you're going to another regular activity afterwards, or you go to tea on this day with grandma or something like that so she can't try it on again. CF in extreme..

You shouldn't have given lift to that child in the first place if her parent had not spoken to you about it in the first place. They activity organisers have to wait until her mum collects her/ call her mum to do so.

Sorry, I couldn’t read the whole thread but I am totally with OP and sorry that you are out in this situation.

if it hasn’t been suggested, I would go back on the WhatsApp group and say that when you said you went shopping after the activity you were trying to be discrete and there are actually family things that you need to do. Then leave it at that. Make it awkward for her to push into family time.

Depending on what sort of club it is leaders aren't usually allowed to give children a lift home especially not if it's 1 2 1. So bit surprised a leader gave the kid a lift insteadof calling the parents!

I think tell the truth the next time, say she was unkind to your child, kicked the seat, was rude. She won't like that in the group chat.

And the mother has never asked you?
Who the fuck behaves like that?!

Yes play up the safeguarding concerns and bat it back to the snotty group leaders.

Never seen anything like this, In any clubs dc have been to, the parents have all been lovely and respectful, and would never take the piss like this!! And if they did need the favour of a lift, they would text kindly in advance and ask first!! What sort of parent presumes a random woman, and that’s a woman, she never has even even spoken to, will take her kid home!! I’m fuming for you. If it was me I would have told her where to go!!
the other parents there sound awful!! On principle I wouldn’t want to leave the group, BUT, I don’t think I’d what to spend my spare time with those bullies, I think you’d be better off moving clubs.

What a CF! Can’t stand people like this and I would think there was another GC going on too.

Do you have any other people in your network that could pick your DD up. Maybe Mum or sister? Then say that DD is staying there tonight and they live no where near the CF, sorry!

Agreed..this is most cf behaviour I've read in a while and the endless request to #bekind are so ridiculous..its the same people who turn up with uninvited siblings to parties etc. So many examples on here. So good for you for saying no. ^^

What exactly would be the 'safeguarding issue ' in this case?

I'm all for having boundaries and sticking to them and people can and should say "NO" to anything they don't want to do, but what is this fad for 'safeguarding '?

Is it the new 'mental health ' ?

I’d be sending the following:

“I think there has been a massive misunderstanding, I at no point have ever been asked my child Xs parents if I would mind giving her a lift home. I have never had a conversation with mother x ever! I am unsure where the idea that I was a taxi driver avalible to give lifts to children I do not know has come from. So to be clear, I was put on the spot and took said child home the first time she was left for me to take home without my knowledge and made it clear I would not be doing it again. I have had quite a few unpleasant comments from people who have decided for what ever reason they can tell me what I can and can’t do. If some of you wish to help this mother, who I have never spoken to out, then by all means do so, but do not volunteer my services or feel you have a right to judge my decisions that are mine to make without the need for explanations to anyone.”

There's an activity that my dh takes our boys to, at one point one of the other dads was hoping to ask my dh if dh could also take his kids as we live nearby. (We got word from another dad)
My dh was adamant that he will say no if asked as that's his alone time with our boys and doesn't want the atmosphere/dynamics changed with someone else's kids there, and the responsibility that comes with it. He also likes to go to the shops with them after or if he needs to go somewhere to collect something, so having other ppls kids would make him feel restricted.
And we know that other dad would never return the favour so even more reason to say no.

That mother sounds irresponsible, she didn't even have the decency to ask you, the other mums are jumping to her tune as they'll never need to provide the lift bc they live in the opposite direction. Ppl like that are so entitled that they think everyone owes them something.

Why did you take the child when you hadn't been asked? I would've simply said I don't know the child's mother, this wasn't discussed with me and anyway I'm going grocery shopping first so I can't have a random child with me.

I probably would have suggested sharing lifts. So you do one week they do the next

Sorry but we are in CF territory! One minor slip and CF will kick off, or it’ll be lifts to school, can they stay for tea ….. and in it goes …. Not a peep of a returned favour.

Those who have never come across and CF are truly blessed.

Wow, the mum, her little cheer team and leader of the group sound like a right nightmare. You keep standing your ground love. Well done for sticking up for yourself and advocating for your daughter x

Good message, but I would omit the ad hoc basis/special circumstances bit, because then you are confirming you are able to give lifts, and you could argue that the girl not having a lift hone, is a ‘survival circumstance’.

Why o why do parents sign their kids up to clubs that they can’t transport their kids to and from?!

Well done for standing your ground op. This CF is beyond entitled and I can’t believe her attitude or that of other parents. Some of the responses on here are a bit mad too. Your child needs decompression time and that’s that, not that you have to tell them that if you don’t want to. FFS just tell them no once and for all - it’s a complete sentence remember.. 😉

If it is a sports club there is a relatively new sports welfare and safeguarding role being implemented across England - you could report to them.

https://activepartnerships.org/what-we-do/programmes/welfare/