To be annoyed I gave the money back

they were very supportive of my ex and didn't see my perspective at all.
I'm sorry but this is just awful, I'd have walked away from them at this point.

My heart goes out to you. You have every right to be still upset over this. Is there any way you can bring it up /talk to them about it? Just so they are aware of the hurt they have caused. :(

You have a right to feel hurt and unsupported at a time when you needed love and support and also some financial help to start again as an independent person xx

Best of luck moving forward with this @unsurenow2025 🪴

Have ur siblings not brought this up with your parents. Very controlling behaviour from them. Now they have shown you who they are believe them. You are much better off without them and there cash . Take care and focus on yourself

"I have spoken to siblings about it though and they agree it was unfair (they were all gifted the same money and have never been asked for it back)."

It does seem unfair that you had to repay money when siblings did not - very wrong of parents not to treat people equally. Don't know if you would feel strong enough to ask them why - but entirely understandable if it creates a distance between you.
You will have to decide how to deal with them if they need your help when they are older.

Well done @unsurenow2025 for getting yourself back on track!
I don't know if I could have felt the same about them after that. I think you must be much more generous of spirit than I could have been.

I don’t understand why the £20K in a house was returned without interest or the increase in value from the property. Sounds like you are the only one to have ended up with nothing when both other parties should have made sure that didn’t happen.

If it was a gift, you didn’t need to return it.

Try telling your DPs that you lent it to them and would like it back.

What a pair of absolute meanies!

I think op doesn't want to ask her parents why they did this as she's scared of the reply. There's only so much hurt a human being can take.

Op, i feel for you. This has gotten under your skin and it feels impossible to shift. I hope you can find a way to get through it

Conditional gifts aren’t gifts, they’re millstones. This is reprehensible behaviour from your parents, kicking you while you were down as, presumably, some ridiculous punishment for ending your unhappy marriage. Awful.

As a couple of others have said, I would be inclined to ask directly - it will eat at you otherwise. Someone said they might cut you out of the will, but based on their unequal treatment of you in comparison to your siblings are you even sure you’re in it in the first place?

My mother, who was my rock, died in December, and there are so many things I wish I’d asked her (mostly silly things, or family history stuff). I can’t imagine how you will feel if they pass away and you’ve never asked them why they did this.

As an older MNetter, with grown up.children, I think what your parents did was dreadful.

It sounds like they were disappointed in your breakup and decided they wanted the gift back because of this?
Seems the only conclusion to be drawn especially if they supported your ex, almost like they were punishing you for whatever had happened?
Totally unfair of them, but I guess the consolation is that you are now where you are without having to thank them for helping you.

They were unreasonable to ask for it back. Unfortunately you were not in the right headspace and returned it. It is now 10 years down the line and is something that is playing on your mind still. It doesn’t sound like this resentment will go away any time soon. I would suggest talking to them about it, asking them why they did it and telling them how it made you feel. I hope you can eventually get some closure from this. I’m sorry that your parents weren’t more supportive.

You're not being unreasonable. They disapproved of you ending your marriage and judged you, offering support to your ex. The money was used as a way for them to express their disapproval. That will always hurt, and their behaviour was wrong, but you've rebuilt your relationship with a new perspective, and I'd say keep moving forward and don't dwell on it.

Tbh they are probably worried that you will lose it , if you and your new partner split
maybe they stashed it for you

You have to do that for the mortgage company.

I'm sure you are annoyed, but all this shows is that you are a better person than they are.

As a parent I cannot imagine ever doing something so petty.

@unsurenow2025 Perhaps they wrongly assumed you'd be getting tens of thousands from the house sale?

Look, if you don't ask them about it now, you'll forever regret it once they're gone. It will eat away at you forevermore

That just speaks to your lack of imagination, especially when the OP has explained what the consequences were for her. Read what @FreeRider described, too.

*you did it

I can't imagine still being annoyed about it 15 years later. Why do you think it's still on your mind?

If I were you I’d ask them for it back and outline the reasons as you have done here. Say that you gave them a gift of money when you shouldn’t have. It was not theirs. They had already given you money and you had spent it. They didn’t seek it back from other siblings. They had no right to ask for it back. And , fighting fire with fire, you are now asking for your gift back, to make the point.
This will give them pause for thought and hopefully they’ll apologise. Who cares if they don’t? It’ll still stick in their craw

I would be hurt more so for the fact they took it back when times were so hard for you financially.