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Original poster

Did I handle this situation wrongly? Man at train station

233 replies

Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 08:57

I was in the waiting room at a busy station and a lad who looked to be in his early 20s was standing at the door with his hands down the front of his trousers. I looked to make sure it wasn't pockets but it definitely wasn't.

I am just a bit fed up of what I've seen recently from predominantly men on public transport. Loud sniffing/snorting every 2 seconds, farting, burping, spitting. Most are not like this but it's hard to take the train these days without any of the above.

Anyway I said to the man quietly, why do you have your hands down your trousers in a public area, that's disgusting.
With hindsight I should've just reported him to the train staff. He started shouting at me and I just walked off. But as I say I maybe should've just reported it.

OP posts:
ForeveraBluebird · 12/02/2025 09:10

Id report to train staff Op, these days you just don’t know how someone will react to your comments.

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/02/2025 09:09

Happyinarcon · 12/02/2025 09:02

I think you did the right thing. 40 years ago everyone would have yelled at him and some bloke would have punched him. Social media has made us afraid to call out inappropriate behaviour in case we get called Karen. I fully understand this man may have learning difficulties, but in that case he should have been with a care assistant who could have supervised his behaviour

I don't think people would have shouted 40 years ago and definitely not punched him. Also not everyone with learning difficulties needs a carer 24/7 ffs.

H0P · 12/02/2025 09:09

But why do they think it's okay. It's like toddlers doing it, okay that's acceptable but the parents would say not to do that. Now whole groups of teens walk around with their hands on their willys

Cardamomandlemons · 12/02/2025 09:09

I wouldn't have said anything...but I would have wanted to say "have you found it yet??"

TY78910 · 12/02/2025 09:09

Hmm I don't know about this one.

Men, especially young men have this thing where they keep their hands in their trousers, nowhere near their penis it's more the hip and bladder area. I never know why, if it's just fashionable (weird I know), or for warmth (again, gloves would be more practical).

But the intent isn't to intimidate women or play with yourself, it's just one of those odd things they do.

I do agree it's stupid though, and can sometimes be hard to judge where their hands actually are so it would make you uncomfortable.

Whyherewego · 12/02/2025 09:09

Happyinarcon · 12/02/2025 09:02

I think you did the right thing. 40 years ago everyone would have yelled at him and some bloke would have punched him. Social media has made us afraid to call out inappropriate behaviour in case we get called Karen. I fully understand this man may have learning difficulties, but in that case he should have been with a care assistant who could have supervised his behaviour

I don't think this is in any way correct. Why on earth would someone punch a person for having a hand in their trousers. Again if it was merely down his trousers with no other obvious signs (erection, movement) then no matter how distasteful one finds it, there's nothing actually wrong with it. Ive seen men scratched their bums in public years ago, this is no different.

Original poster
Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:08

ilovesooty · 12/02/2025 09:08

So were you on your own with him in this waiting room?

No this was a public waiting room and there were a few others there

OP posts:
DoItBetter · 12/02/2025 09:08

I wouldn't have said anything unless he was actively doing something.

H0P · 12/02/2025 09:08

I only ever see men under 30 doing this, usually teens. In joggers. The same demographic that are voting reform and following Andrew Tate. I weep for my daughters

ilovesooty · 12/02/2025 09:08

So were you on your own with him in this waiting room?

Original poster
Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:07

I mean i don't know if he was 'pleasuring himself' or not, but it's just not decent, however next time maybe I should refrain from commenting.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 12/02/2025 09:07

Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 08:58

Also the intimidation from football fans. Not saying people shouldn't have fun or should be silent but it's bellowing football chants out at top note, shouting and shrieking and just disturbing other passengers.

As long as they're not shouting at you or being personally abusive there's not much you can do about that either.

username299 · 12/02/2025 09:06

I think if you confront someone you need to be prepared to be confronted back. You aren't in control of the situation as they could be high, drunk, have a mental illness or carrying a weapon.

I would always recommend reporting to someone if you can.

Mareleine · 12/02/2025 09:06

Back in the day schools and parents used to teach boys to "get your hands out of your pockets" (stop playing with yourself through the pocket lining). They don't do that anymore. So this is the result. I saw a man doing it at the weekend and I can't get the image out of my head. Some are just gormless but others are clearly playing with themselves in plain sight and we're all being trained to accept it. Good on you for saying something OP.

Whyherewego · 12/02/2025 09:06

Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:00

Really? I wasn't aware tbh I thought it would come under some sort of indecency. I guess he wasn't directly exposing anything, but I have seen this a few times now and it's just revolting.

Show quote history

It's not indecent unless there's something else making it so (eg pleasuring himself). Just placing a hand under an item of clothing isn't, in itself, an indent act.

Brenzett · 12/02/2025 09:06

To be honest OP, rightly or wrongly, I couldn’t have cared less if he had his hands down his trousers - I’d have looked away and let him carry on - as I say, rightly or wrongly

Boredlass · 12/02/2025 09:05

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Wow. This is uncalled for

OffMyDahlias · 12/02/2025 09:04

I find that people who don’t have enough decency to behave themselves in public don’t respond well to being called out.

JimHalpertsWife · 12/02/2025 09:04

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Original poster
Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:03

Sorry yes I meant he was calling me 'wrong in the head'

OP posts:
H0P · 12/02/2025 09:03

Happyinarcon · 12/02/2025 09:02

I think you did the right thing. 40 years ago everyone would have yelled at him and some bloke would have punched him. Social media has made us afraid to call out inappropriate behaviour in case we get called Karen. I fully understand this man may have learning difficulties, but in that case he should have been with a care assistant who could have supervised his behaviour

I think op meant that the lad said she wasn't right in the head, not him

Original poster
Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:03

I get if it's a match day. But why should that come above the comfort of other passengers. I have had men chanting for the entire train journey, seats and tables strewn with rubbish, intimidating behaviour from drunk men.

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 12/02/2025 09:02

I think you did the right thing. 40 years ago everyone would have yelled at him and some bloke would have punched him. Social media has made us afraid to call out inappropriate behaviour in case we get called Karen. I fully understand this man may have learning difficulties, but in that case he should have been with a care assistant who could have supervised his behaviour

Original poster
Allthewayinbatterycity · 12/02/2025 09:01

He just started shouting something like you're not right in the head and something incoherent. I just swiftly walked off for my train. I don't see women fiddling like that in public.

OP posts:
Beamur · 12/02/2025 09:01

Men should be pulled up for behaviour that's meant to intimidate women. But as a woman, it's risky to do so!
Hopefully he'll think twice about doing it again.

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