Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting anyone at my sons birthday

130 replies

Justlivelovelaugheat · 12/02/2025 03:57

So my precious little munchkin is 1 soon. It’s such an important moment for me as no one understands what it took to get here. I have another baby who is 2. I handled my pregnancy by myself with no family help not even a phone call asking how we was even though I also had another young child. I am so proud of our little family. There were many ups and downs now it’s time to celebrate making it to 1 year!

I felt the same way with my first (so excited for her first birthday had planned it for months) however her birthday ended up being one of the worst days of my life. We organised a party for both mine and my DH’s families. Both of them made the whole day about themselves, criticised us for not having organised the day better and tried changing our plans. Later, they complained they didn’t have enough to eat and my DH was forced to pay loads to order everyone meals. Some were unhappy so we had to pay even more getting everyone what they desired. It was horrible and I’ll never forget it.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting family at my son’s birthday after this experience? Even after not visiting or helping us throughout the year family automatically assume they should be at my son’s birthday but the day would be a whole lot better without them. I don’t want judgement on what we choose to do or rather don’t choose to do on the day.

OP posts:
TemporaryPosition · 12/02/2025 04:09

You were at a restaurant and they declined to eat and then you had to order 2 rounds of take-out at home later? What a carry on.

I wouldn't think twice about doing your own thing

Original poster
Justlivelovelaugheat · 12/02/2025 04:06

ChanelBoucle · 12/02/2025 04:04

I think in this instance you should just do you, op.

My niece’s first birthday is coming up and in the nicest possible way I really don’t care whether my sister decides to host a party for her or not; it’s up to my sister to do what she wants and she certainly doesn’t have to answer to us. But then we’re not the kind of family that gets particularly excited about babies’ birthdays 😆

Ive always been the same before kids. I still am to a degree haha. It’s mostly to support the parents.

OP posts:
ChanelBoucle · 12/02/2025 04:04

I think in this instance you should just do you, op.

My niece’s first birthday is coming up and in the nicest possible way I really don’t care whether my sister decides to host a party for her or not; it’s up to my sister to do what she wants and she certainly doesn’t have to answer to us. But then we’re not the kind of family that gets particularly excited about babies’ birthdays 😆

Original poster
Justlivelovelaugheat · 12/02/2025 04:03

Moonlightstars · 12/02/2025 04:01

How come your DH didn't help with your pregnancy?
As for a party. Not necessary for a baby. Just have a nice time as a small family unit. It sounds like your dds birthday was poorly communicated. Did people think you were feeding them (as is normal at a party?)

Well we went to a restaurant with a play area for kids and most people declined on getting food there although it was available. But when we got back to mine everyone suddenly became hungry. Being the hosts we offered to pay but we had no idea how much of the day would be wasted catering to others instead of focusing on my daughter. She wasn’t even the centre of attention on her own birthday.

And my DH worked long hours or away at the time, including weekends. The first trimester was a nightmare I literally did it myself while feeling like death lol.

OP posts:
Moonlightstars · 12/02/2025 04:01

How come your DH didn't help with your pregnancy?
As for a party. Not necessary for a baby. Just have a nice time as a small family unit. It sounds like your dds birthday was poorly communicated. Did people think you were feeding them (as is normal at a party?)