To think the best times are over?

I’m 43 and I feel much the same. Over the past year, life has felt like a bit of a slog and I haven’t enjoyed it much. Now, one of my parents has a life-limiting illness (although they might survive for several more years, albeit with a reduced quality of life). I know that losing your parents is part of life, but I struggle to imagine a happy future for myself. I wonder how other people manage it?

I’m going to try counselling and start a couple of small hobbies even though I feel as though I can’t be bothered.
I know I’m depressed as I’ve had depression before. I didn’t realise it could be linked to the peri-menopause.

I'm 49, one DD at university, one at home, mum very unwell at the moment and very sad about that, but am also writing a book, doing very well in my career, my fitness has improved in the last two years and I'm strong and flexible, my periods have just stopped and contrary to what I might have expected and all things considered I actually feel great, so completely confident in myself, very resilient and a tower of strength, and a lot better than ten years ago when I felt trapped in a stressful job, had younger children and had just developed endometriosis and was knackered all the time. Am also looking forward to it just being DH and me at home in a few years. I see menopause as my second spring.

I have similar thoughts; i think with kids being the purpose for so long you get a bit lost. Mine are younger, so my plan is to retire by 50.
I am not depressed.
Maybe peri.
I can't find fun stuff to do (tried various-hate any art, dancing) only activities i enjoy are reading, spending time with kids and DH, exercising alone and long walks on sunny days.
I find people and any socialising increasingly tiresome, because i want to do everything when i want, becomimg a very grumpy insular old woman. I don't really care for friends.
I don't like my job but it pays well.

I think you are suffering from severe depression. The reason is, this happened to me a long time ago, exactly the same. To this very day I have to keep a check on it. I know you might not want to go the Doctors route to this, but believe me when depression is severe that is what modern medicine is for. There are a range of modern anti depressants nowadays totally different to years ago, mostly none addictive and they work very fast. Take the plunge and see your Doctor , describe your whole frame of mind. I had to do it The best thing I ever did. They will only give you a lie dose, you won't be in a daze or anythingike that, it will not take long to feel better. What have you got to loose? x

Partly sounds like you’re sad because you’re so negative. You can also be negative because you’re sad, but in my experience this becomes a feedback loop.

OP it does sound like you may be suffering from depression. At my worst, everything seemed pointless and I was so angry at the world. Because I was giving out negative energy, that's what I was getting back.

Truth is, the world IS shit. Nothing you can do about that except be the change you want to see in it. My advice, from experience, would be try to find joy in the small things: food, books, TV shows, long baths, whatever. You're here and that's a good thing 🫶

Try a new hobby even as a once off, start getting out, watch things you love on tv, take your parents or kids on days out or a holiday, start reading magazines and books, listen to music you used to adore, get rest, pamper yourself (even just leg shave, moisturise, paint toenails) go to a concert, sit on a beach x

Sounds like you are actually depressed OP. You can't continue like that. Please see a doctor.

I'm 57 and having the best time of my life. Love my job, friends. My adventures. Though, I am a glass half full person.

Going back to a point you made in your OP. It's not too late to change jobs or develop a career.
I teach on a postgraduate professional course and I'd say around 50% of my students are career changers in their 40's and 50's.

Why don't you feel anything? What did you explore in therapy? What has happened to make you feel so dead inside- it's really not normal

Are you perimenopausal? Maybe you need HRT? It's not normal to be so miserable at your age.
Make some changes to find some joy in your life.

It's not life for everyone.
Im 43 and life is busy and fun.

My mum died in her early 40's so I've always been determined to make the most of life.
Every year I age is a blessing and far better than the alternative.

I am in my my 60s. Dc grown and left home. I did lose my dps which did hit me hard at both times but l am still having a great life now. I retired recently and my new found freedom is brilliant even though l always loved my job. I have no responsibilities now so can do anything l want when the opportunity arises.
One of the main things that kept my joy going was exercise. I just walked when dc were young due to time etc but as soon as they were independent l took up more and l absolutely love it.
My dc are meeting their life partners and that is fun and exciting as l watch their lives change and welcome those new people into the family.
My life is not a bed of roses as my dh has a long term illness but overall l am very happy.
Chat to your GP. If you could possibly change one thing begin to exercise. It will lift your mood.

Oh come, on you are as old as you feel.

It's all in your hands, make it as you wish.

You sound depressed/stuck. Do you love your partner, kids?

I'd look at accessing some therapy to help you move forward.

40 is not too late for a career! You still have more than half of your working life ahead of you. There is a lot you can do professionally in 27 years. I changed my career at 38, quickly went up the ranks and loving it at 41. And I am certain I will have another change before I am retired - there are just so many things I'd love to try.
The issue is not your age, it's your state of mind. Start with a GP appointment to talk about depression and/or peri and go from there.

You sound depressed. I've been there, badly, in my life to the point of really really not wanting to be around any more. My exH left me after decades together with two babies, and at the time I was conflicted between wanting to end my life, and stay around for my DC.
That predicament forced change which I never thought I'd recover from, (I hate change), but I had to cope, for them.
I saw my GP and took antidepressants for a year or so. They didn't make me happy but stopped me crying.
I have always loved animals.
Around that time, I rescued a pregnant cat from a rescue and helped her when she gave birth to her 5 kittens. I kept the runt (whom I helped from the sac) and that (ugly) kitten was pure joy in my life for the next 17 years. The bond we shared was like no other. It was like he had imprinted on me.
I went back to education and I qualified in a new career that was animal orientated which I loved, then along came my first puppy, followed by a few more dogs over the years. Through my dog I joined a charity and ended up doing welfare work and had to pinch myself that I was actually working in the role I was doing, as I loved it so much.
Roll on a decade or so, I remarried then separated - all amicable- lost my BFF to cancer, age 50, along with a few other acquaintances around the same time and DM a year ago after a long battle with dementia.
I plummeted mentally for a while again (badly) and needed the help of an SSRI again for a while.
DC have now left home and are finished Uni/financially independent in their own homes. I miss them but I'm also proud that this proves I've done my job: they are independent adults who have flown the nest- it's too much of a burden to rely on your children to keep your spirits up for the rest of your life.
Just try and follow one, tiny thing, that makes you feel engaged with life, energy, comfort, the future.
if you want to spend the rest of your life under the duvet, listening to Podcasts, plan a way of trying to make that happen and just do it.
Yesterday I was in a field watching my 2 dogs sniffing, playing, getting muddy, getting wet, just having the time of their lives. If my heart had had a mouth it would have smiled, and I wonder how I could ever have plummeted so badly, mentally in the past.
I'm so, so happy at nearer 60 than 50. Why?
Because I followed my gut and my heart. I've taken a gamble financially, with my (small) pension pot and with financial advice am now semi retired, on not a lot of £, but I've bought time when I want it, which is now, while I'm healthy. I don't want that money in my 80's if I live that long. Won't need it then. I want my best time now, with my animals, taking my DC and partners out for meals - simple things, and plodding around the countryside.
You are approaching the age where life starts to get very short and people do start ailing, and/or you lose them. Just take one hour at a time and push on.
I was given the most realistic bit advice my my exFIL, in that "nothing stays the same for ever"- that includes the bad times and nobody escapes them. It's SO true. You look back and think 'how did I end up here'? You can maybe influence your path by choices, however fate will change your life anyway.
The birds will start nesting soon, and life begins again for them. It can for you, too. Good luck 🤞

Sounds like you're in perimenopause. It's not normal to feel that way OP

That's not been my experience, my 30s were tougher than my 40s.

In my 30s I was working up the ladder in my job, not enough time and money and commuting alwas a real bug bear, my kids were young and needed me more, my health was poor because I didn't look after myself.

In my 40s, I'm in a good job which is flexible and WFH. I have a real zest to experience as much as possible. The kids don't need us as much so we have more free time to please ourselves. More disposable income to spend on myself and make exciting plans for the future. I'm prioritising my health by eating well and strength training and having as much downtime as I need.

I do relate to the bit about aging parents because mine are now at a point where they can't do anything much for themselves and they do seem to be like children sometimes.

However, my children are what makes me the most happy. I don't particularly have any desire to be younger again, I wouldn't want to be.

You sound depressed. If you don't find joy in anything at all, it's one of the symptoms.

Life is change and full of ups and downs. My friend with MND can’t feed herself. She said to me recently how she counts her blessings as she can still speak and enjoy music and films. She’s grateful for the small things. Start a gratitude journal. It’ll change your view.

I wish I was only 40.