To wish more formal mourning rituals were still observed in society?

People grieve in different ways. After my DH died, I only wanted to watch comedies on tv and read happy things, because smiling does trick the brain into releasing dopamine. I could easily have been one of those laughing and judged by the OP. It didn't make my grief any less.

On my return to work my colleagues were wonderful. I had dreaded seeing them but they were so caring and never even commented when I became tearful at times. I also got lots of hugs, which were unexpectedly comforting.

We need to be open about grief and people can choose their level of privacy. No single way fits all.

I don't think modern society has changed that much really. How many employers would give their workers much more than a week after a death of eg a parent even 50 years ago where death was treated a bit more reverently.

Op I have no idea why you’re getting such a hard time. I agree some OPTIONAL symbols of bereavement which are widely understood in society would be very helpful to some people who are bereaved. A bit like the ‘baby on board’ badges for the tube. A few years ago we lost a dear friend by suicide. I didn’t want to regurgitate the story or news for everyone I met, but I’d have welcomed something which was a symbol of ‘go easy on this person they’re delicate’.

As sad as it may be for you, to the general public who don't know you or whoever you are grieving for, that death is nothing to do with them and isn't something they should be sort of forced to acknowledge. In reality most of us go through life with all sorts of worries and issues every day and don't have the emotional capacity to be drawn into a person they don't know's grief.

that is lovely.
On the anniversary of gran’s death our vicar took me into the chapel and we lit a candle and prayed for her. It meant the world to me as none of the family sent me a message that day.

I wouldn't say grief is hidden. In fact, with SM, it's very open. People post on FB when a family member dies, sharing pictures and a message of grief and it allows others to come and share that grief too.

We also don't all want pussyfooting around after a bereavement. Some of us just want to continue with life

YANBU - I agree that observing mourning rituals would be helpful to the person mourning . It is an outward sign of what is going on inside - everyone now understands that there are differed stages of grief, and wearing appropriate clothes I think would help the grieving process. When my mother passed away, I remember thinking how I would have liked to express my grief and mourning in a way that society could acknowledge.

That sounds a much nicer way of treating a life well lived imo.

I'm Irish and in Ireland and we just buried my aunt yesterday. The wake was Sunday evening and sitting with my father (it was his sisters funeral) we watched people chatting, hugging and yes, even laughing. Of course there were tears also but my father who is in his 80's said to me 'it's so much better this way, no one has to wear the band (black armband) and be mournful for weeks like the old days. When my mother passed away the wake was at home, well over a hundred people crammed in, there was food being handed around to everyone, neighbours, friends, family etc all integrated and told stories about my mother, it was a sad time but also a time I felt incredibly supported, I would not have wanted to carry an outward sign that people had to be 'different/weary/sad' around me in the time afterwards.

I have pondered this very issue. I wished for a black armband in public places, like the line for security at the airport when flying because a loved one has died. Somehow I fervently believed it would signal my fragility. I'm sure to most people now it would not, but in my mind I wished for it.

I'm so sorry, OP. Loss is so hard. We need grace but often can't talk about it.

I'll tell you what's 'peak MN' - immediate insensitive attacks on a poster who has recently had a loved one die.

I understand what you mean OP. You're not BU to wish that we as a society dealt with death and bereavement better.

Most people I know let their friends and colleagues know if they have a close bereavement. Not sure we should expect people we do not know to be able to deal with a person crying in shops etc.

Just a question about your username though, are you a barenakedladies fan?

I will wear a daffodil on my gran's anniversary (she was Welsh). Some will think it's morbid as she died over a year ago now but I don't care. I never wore black as she hated it (we requested a no black funeral) but that is personal choice.

With grief mourning or anything else, you do you. As previous posters have said, death is the one thing we can guarantee will happen to all of us. I'd rather friends and family had a few drinks and a laugh about nice things they remember, rather than wear black and be frightened to smile for a set period.

I feel like grief is a hidden thing in our modern world.

Well, it isn't in my world, yet you have just said that you have booked AL rather than asking for compassionate leave (and employers vary on that) , but mainly, when you had the chance to say to someone "Oh, I'm not going away on holiday, I'm taking some leave to deal with a bereavement", you didn't.

You need to make your mind up if you think it is good more people around you are aware, or not.

Plus "wearing black" isn't an indicator as many people wear black a lot. Indeed I can think of one friend who I have never seen wearing anything but black in the 23 years I have known her.

You'd need an armband or something if you wanted to wear a public 'badge'.

I would hate an open coffin and I’m very pleased it’s not the done thing here anymore as if takes away the choice not to view the deceased as well.

I do agree people are awkward around death though as they don’t know what to say.

I completely agree with this.

Since we will all die one day, it should be normalised imo. Not saying one has to go into it with colleagues (I wouldn't want to with most colleagues either) but I'd just say a quick "Actually, it's for bereavement" rather than let someone believe I'm going on holiday, so that they can be sensitive and tactful about this upon my return etc.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I think this is exactly the point OP is making, that in the past, our society was very clear about the ‘rules’ for signalling your grief. So if someone sees you crying in a shop, it’s obvious if you’re wearing black and in a veil why you’re a bit upset. You don’t have to struggle to get the words out every time. People know. Can be careful with you, without being asked. For at least a limited time.

I’ve often thought this, OP! And I’m sorry, I hope it gets easier for you soon.

I don't understand how you can talk about grief being hidden and you wish it were more open when you had every opportunity to say you were taking time off for a bereavement. And not only did you not do that, you didn't correct people who assumed your leave was for something else.

So you don't want to correct someone on it in a private conversation but you want to project it to random strangers in the world?

Wearing black for mourning should be banished
Thankfully more and more people are celebrating a person's life with colour.

No one is mind reader OP.

You can't expect people to be understanding of your situation and make allowances, whilst also not informing them of your situation so they can make allowances.

It's like expecting people to spot that you're unwell and expecting them to treat you as being unwell.... They won't spot it.

People, in general, just don't care about other people's turmoil unless it affects them.

You should tell people. Especially colleagues and managers.