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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to stroke his back every night

209 replies

Achyarms · 11/02/2025 21:25

Any time I watch tv (after putting two very small children to bed) my husband comes in and perches on the sofa and indicates I need to scratch/ stroke/ tickle his back. If I have energy I will do it for a while. If I ever say no I’m tired he’s gets grumpy/ angry.
if I say yes, then whenever I stop because my arm is tired (say about 10-15 minutes) he immediately gets angry and demands I keep going. He won’t stop asking. Sometimes I have to leave the room and go to bed to get away from him saying keep going over and over again.
i don’t think I’m being unreasonable but maybe I’m not being very loving? I don’t know what other people would do?
makes me want to not give any back tickles it never ends well he’s always pissed off. I’m tired I just want to watch tv and relax.

no he doesn’t give tickles or massages in return and the one time I asked he gave such a shite attempt

OP posts:
BellesAndGraces · 11/02/2025 22:42

My husband insists I spoon feed him breast milk every night, I don’t want to. AIBU? 🙄

Original poster
Achyarms · 11/02/2025 22:37

Over40Overdating · 11/02/2025 22:27

I swear I’ve read this exact post almost word for word before, right down to the suspected ND, not enough sex and drip feed that he’s a controlling arse outside of this issue.

How are there two women this unlucky.

Oh gosh really?! No it’s not me. Maybe I’ll look for the other thread

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 11/02/2025 22:32

God that's grim.

He sounds very manipulative and selfish.

FoxtonFoxton · 11/02/2025 22:30

Does anyone else find the sensation of this absolutely unbearable? I've never been able to stand someone gently stroking me, even saying it makes me feel weird and a bit nauseous. Even reading this thread has made me feel a bit shuddery.

Frustratedmumpleasehelp · 11/02/2025 22:30

Massive red flags and massive ick!
Has he always been so controlling? What does he do for you?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/02/2025 22:28

My exh was a bit weird like this about having his back scratched. It would drive you mad as you can never just sit and relax.

Honestly OP, this isn’t on. You have a right to sit and relax too. You’re not a resource for him to help him regulate. You’re a person in your own right!

PermanentTemporary · 11/02/2025 22:28

Get him to explain why overbearing requests for other kinds of physical attention will get him more sex.

I do do this for dp a little bit because I like it and i suppose i still hope one day that a man will do it for me (tbh I've never in my life met a man who will do it well, and certainly not for more than 20 sec at the absolute outside) but he's never once requested it.

Tell him to search for one of those spidery head scratchers that were around a few years ago and fix it to a wall or something. You're not his personal servant. IF you ever offer this to him as a gift, the right thing to say is 'thank you' not 'more'.

Over40Overdating · 11/02/2025 22:27

I swear I’ve read this exact post almost word for word before, right down to the suspected ND, not enough sex and drip feed that he’s a controlling arse outside of this issue.

How are there two women this unlucky.

Joystir59 · 11/02/2025 22:27

I c

ThinWomansBrain · 11/02/2025 22:25

yuk

Original poster
Achyarms · 11/02/2025 22:25

warmheartcoldfeet · 11/02/2025 22:19

Is he controlling in other ways too?

Yeah probably

OP posts:
Original poster
Achyarms · 11/02/2025 22:25

MTP312 · 11/02/2025 22:22

Oh for goodness sake, you KNOW you are not being unreasonable.

In what world WOULD you be??🙄

Well sometimes on aibu I think one thing and a large number of people think something else. I wondered if anyone was going to say just do it, be more loving. I always show my partner love, I’d be happy to do it etc etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Achyarms · 11/02/2025 22:24

Poisonwood · 11/02/2025 22:21

My exH used to insist on nightly back tickles…sometimes my arm would be aching or I’d be exhausted with baby/toddler but it didn’t matter - I had to do it. Decades later, I still am bloody glad I divorced him and this was one of the things that highlighted his selfishness.

Yeah this sounds about right

OP posts:
JC03745 · 11/02/2025 22:22

OP- does he ask for this if you have friends/family staying over? What does he do if either of you are away and not together???

MTP312 · 11/02/2025 22:22

Oh for goodness sake, you KNOW you are not being unreasonable.

In what world WOULD you be??🙄

Poisonwood · 11/02/2025 22:21

My exH used to insist on nightly back tickles…sometimes my arm would be aching or I’d be exhausted with baby/toddler but it didn’t matter - I had to do it. Decades later, I still am bloody glad I divorced him and this was one of the things that highlighted his selfishness.

violet173 · 11/02/2025 22:20

Eugh. This made me cringe for you.
He's weird op.

TotHappy · 11/02/2025 22:19

My DH likes a back scratch. I had no idea it was such a thing! He says his dad did it for him when he was going to sleep as a boy and its relaxing and lovely. He also has ADHD.
He's done it for me on occasion and it's nice enough but I can take it or leave it so I'm thinking it's a ND thing or a reliving secure childhood thing.
He doesn't make any kind of fuss when I've had enough though, and it's way less than 15 mins as a rule. He does ask fairly frequently if we're together of an eve, but in a nice way, and I don't mind a leisurely scratch for 2-5 mins. If I don't have a free hand because knitting or working He either doesn't ask or gracefully accepts a no.

warmheartcoldfeet · 11/02/2025 22:19

Is he controlling in other ways too?

JC03745 · 11/02/2025 22:19

As least this horse knows it a 2 way thing- your husband does not!

And Ill Scratch Yours GIF by ViralHog
Scentedjasmin · 11/02/2025 22:16

Have you considered investing in one of these? I would go in quite firmly with it. Hopefully that should dissuade him in future.

To not want to stroke his back every night
Aftergloww · 11/02/2025 22:15

My DD (a grown person) does this and it gets annoying quickly just because of how tiring and pestering it is.

But at least it’s my child. If it was a man I’d have an even bigger issue with it 😤

Original poster
Achyarms · 11/02/2025 22:13

3luckystars · 11/02/2025 22:02

Have you posted about this before ?

There can’t be two of them.

Haven’t posted before

OP posts:
ThinkingAboutMyLifeChoices · 11/02/2025 22:12

Get a mannequin hand, duct tape it to a mop handle and sit on the opposite end of the sofa

heroinechic · 11/02/2025 22:12

My DH tickles my back every night in bed and I absolutely love it!

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