To not want to stroke his back every night

Probably yes a bit annoyed at how much of my focus and energy goes on the kids

He’s annoyed you’re a parent?!

I vaguely remember the other thread, not enough to find it, but I hope someone else can link it for you.
In the other one it sounded like the husband treated the wife as though she was there just to serve him & meet his needs. That's what it sounds like for you too.

Just say NO !

So what if he gets angry? He’s upsetting you and doesn’t give a shit about that does he ?

Best of all, ltb !

I cannot express how much I hate the term "tickles" here. You're not tickling his back to make him laugh are you. Bizarre. Ick. Ugh.

Asking for a back scratch/backrub every now and then for a sensible amount of time? Sure but asking for cutesy back "tickles" because there's "not enough sex" and getting angry after 10 minutes is absolutely wild. Tickle him out the door and into the bin OP. I am so sorry you are living with this.

I would be suggesting that he learns to self regulate. It's not your job. Lots of ways to do it, he could Google it and see what takes his fancy.to try.

Eurgh sounds just like my ex.

This post just made me gag.

Oh lord no. What’s in it for you other than not having a grumpy man stomping about?

I'd be telling him to get to fuck. He has no right to sex just as he has no right to nightly, endless back strokes, rubs, tickles whatever. These are things that loving and happy couples do for/with each other to show love. If one or other isn't feeling the love they don't have to do it. If one or other is feeling tired after a long day of looking after children, they don't have to do it. He knows that but he's a selfish prick who's getting "angry" and sulking so he gets what he wants and to hell with your wants or feelings. I'd happily do that for a partner some of the time and he'd be lucky to get ten to fifteen minutes. After that my arm would be tired and the end of all that. I wouldn't do it every night and on command which is what your not so D H is expecting of him. Start saying no more often and let him sulk and get angry and whatever toddler tantrum he's pulling. I'm not going to say ltb, but I think there needs to be some serious communication between you where he understands that he's a controlling piece of work and if he loves you he needs to change. If he refuses then you have to decide whether you feel you can live your life with a man who has no respect for you and doesn't care about your feelings.

The whole time I've been reading this thread my dog asked me to stroke her. She was very polite about it and when she'd had enough she laid down. Yesterday she kept putting her head up as wanted me to do under chin strokes, I wanted to do my writing but of course I stroked her.

My dog is better behaved than your husband.

Tell him earlier in the day that you aren't doing it anymore and there are plenty of devices online to order to do it for him.

Buy him one fo these and he can scratch his own back. https://www.amazon.co.uk/back-scratcher/s?k=back+scratcher

I'd also tell him that scratching his back is a total turn off and there'll be no sex until he junks the habit.

Oh gawd I was married to one of those. WAS.

I love a back scratch too, something to really get the blood flowing. Gentle massage, not so much.

Not a sexual thing at all. Just feels really nice.

A child? He sounds like a labrador.

Could you maybe fill a Kong dog toy with treats and keep him occupied for a while?

Oh Christ! I couldn't live with this. What a repulsive man he is.

Yabvu

He'd be getting even less sex.

Like nil.

I feel for you, OP. My dog is exactly the same, except that it's her tummy and that she's not an adult human being.

In all seriousness though, you probably need to decide what you want to offer, have a conversation about it and hold his behaviour (the huffiness) to account.

He sounds like a complete prick.

@Achyarms i am trying to find the link as the OP got some good advice on there and support to assert her boundaries with a very controlling, selfish man. I’ll share if I find it!

Interesting
I absolutely love having my back scratched, it's energising and relaxing all at the same time. If I'm tense or guarded it gets me relaxed. My dad used to scratch my back as a kid. And I have ADHD. Sounds like this may be a thing.

Sadly I have nobody to scratch my back!
And when I did, I wouldn't plonk myself down and demand it and not let someone stop!

I felt deeply uncomfortable with the line about not enough sex so you owe it to him. Please don’t get gaslit into believing this. No woman owes sex ever ever ever.

i completely understand if he is ND and needs regulating and I feel compassion for him, but he needs to find a way to regulate that doesn’t depend on you. He is not your child and with 2 small children you’re probably pretty empty from helping with their needs.

I’d have a calm conversation with him (during the day) to discuss other options. He needs to be and to stand on his own two feet.

good luck OP

It's unclear from people's responses here - but what proportion of the ick factor is the tickles themselves or the demanding them?

Buy him a back scratcher for the back tickles and introduce him to his hand and some tissues so he can become completely self sufficient. He'll need it when you leave him anyway

He could lie on a Shakti mat