DDs being left out of the wedding

Who has a child as a best man?

Yes, I would.

In my eyes it is a spiteful action, but that's where we disagree about it I suppose.

Honestly, imagine the flip thread -
"I'm marrying a lovely man who's close to his family. I have asked the oldest of his grandchildren to be part of the bridal party, alongside my own granddaughters.
It has become apparent that the mother of her half-sisters is annoyed that her twin daughters weren't asked too. I'm now worried that she'll bring them dressed as flowergirls or will even boycott the wedding as a result - it's threatening to ruin the day, and I'm devastated that this is being looked at as a negative thing or that this was done simply to annoy the mum."

Would many of you seriously reply to say that the bride was BU?!

Probably because it was a wedding full of simpletons if they thought a girl who clearly was not bridesmaid and didn’t walk down the aisle, is a bridesmaid.

Why is that funny?

The Princess is the Bride - not the 3 daughters...

and if you have 3 sons, would you have a hissy fit if they weren't all asked to be best men?

I have 3 sisters and we were all flower girls at different weddings, never the same one. The age gaps were 2 years and 4 years so it's not that we were at the wrong ages. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

They actually thought she was a bridesmaid even though she didn’t walk down the aisle?

I always think in this situations it’s best to act as if you really aren’t bothered. My DD was left out when one cousin was asked to be bridesmaid, the funny thing was at the actual wedding everyone thought it was my daughter who was the bridesmaid as she had a much nicer dress!

@Shambrigade From experience I know the circumstances are difficult to adapt to even if the people involved are likeable. I wonder if it would help you to think of your DSD as representing the groom’s side of the family? It would be simplest to explain to your other daughters that it is just because she happens to be the eldest. Plenty of little girls are very dressed up for attending weddings. They can still feel like a princess without being a bridesmaid.

This will only be divisive if you allow it to be. If it is deliberate you don’t need to play into their hands. If you have maintained a dignified and distant approach so far then I would suggest keeping it up if you possibly can. Ultimately your OH is faced with the same problem I had. I chose to keep quiet and maintain the relationship and I haven’t ever regretted that. My dad will always be my dad and his second wife is not even in the picture anymore.

As an additional point, I think that parents should be consulted first about their children being bridesmaids, or pageboys.

Why should the older child be deprived of being a bridesmaid. Life isn't always fair. It's up to the bride who she has as bridesmaids.

That’s really shit. And goes to show kids do remember ❤️

don't forget "more loved"

everyone's off their rocker today, she chose the oldest to be a bridesmaid she didn't bequeath her a house ffs.

There appears to be a lot of parents who are experts at teaching their children how to become entitled and bitter in life. It's no wonder there are families who eventually become estranged from each other. A lot of children are given excellent tools from the beginning to do just that in the future.

Minor situations such as described by the Op may irritate you but 2 wrongs don't make a right. It can lead to unnecessary & preventable fighting within families while spreading discontent & unhappiness along the path.

It’s perfectly avoidable. Dont let the oldest go on. And it would seem very unfair to smaller kids unless you decide not to make it a big deal

I was the eldest kid who never got to do or go to anything unless my siblings also got the same thing - it was awful! Especially because by the time my parents were parenting the youngest, they were knackered and welcomed any opportunity to farm off a child so it never applied to my younger siblings.

It sends a clear message to children when parents do this. Surely there’s a way to allow your other two to enjoy the day as well?

Yes how do you navigate it when the little ones can’t go on the big rides?

Some people need to learn the difference between equality and equity

No it would be like GPs inviting them to Disneyland and getting one a new dress but not the other 2. Because to kiss that’s really what being a BM is.

teaching children in a family that they deserve exactly the same of everything always is a recipe for disaster and is so wildly unrealistic.

5 child bridesmaids in your wedding is ridiculous, of course she chose the older.

Cannot believe you'd take the experience away from the 9 year old for such petty nonsense. I doubt the twins would even care unless you make a fuss of it.

I wonder how often DSD gets anything for herself...

Which would be a deliberately spiteful action and not at all comparable to just using the oldest GD as a bridesmaid

Well this is not a trip to Disneyland - which is ideally to benefit everyone, but particularly designed for the children. This is the step Grandmother’s wedding. It is her and her husband’s day, designed to be special to them alone. Everyone else is there to help and celebrate with them. That’s their job. They are not the princess, the bride is.

She has invited all Step grandchildren to be but asked the oldest to be a bridesmaid. Is she supposed to spend her wedding day babysitting everyone’s children? Is it not alright that she had the oldest grandchild from the in law family take the honour on behalf of this side of the family?

Which is unavoidable, but paying for a Princess breakfast could be for everyone but I'd be purposely just taking one of them.

Well, there will be rides that the older ones can go on but the young ones might not because of height...