DDs being left out of the wedding

How can you think this is anything but disgusting selfish behaviour? And I’m sure the SIL laughs through gritted teeth. Or your friend is deluded when she says the SIL was fine.

And no, people would rather psychos weren’t at their wedding than there forcing bridesmaids onto the wedding party.

Nobody is cool with this and it’s shit parenting. Like I say imagine if everybody did this!

No one is saying she hasn’t done anything wrong (although with OP’s perspective I’d quite like to know more about this relationship) but they’re getting married and there’s a point where everyone has to get over it and move on

Great post!

So your DSD will be walking up the aisle feeling like a princess in her lovely dress, only to have her SM ruining it all by throwing a hissy fit because the twins weren't involved. Lovely way to take the shine off DSD's "special moment". Honestly, grow up.

A friend of mine had four nieces she didn’t ask to be bridesmaids and her sil was upset. On the wedding day all four girls arrived in white bridesmaids dresses with floral tiaras. They looked adorable. They had a great day. This was 20 years ago -bride and sil laugh about it now! My friend admitted afterwards she should have asked them to be bridesmaids in the first place. This answer seems far preferable to refusing to go.

Haha, deranged mother. 😂

Some mental people on this thread trying to shoehorn kids into the wedding party that are not invited.

Honestly I think you need to explore therapy to explore, understand and come to terms with your feelings towards you FIL wife-to-be. You don't know the ins and outs of his first marriage, and relationships breakdown. This woman isn't going anywhere, and she is going to be tied more and more closely with your family.

Your hostility towards her is palpable, however clever people think they are, these things always come across.

You can either press on with a lifetime of creating family misery and drama, or you can suck it up. This is happening, this woman isn't going anywhere.

Honestly, regardless of what has happened, a wedding isn't the time to score points, try to out do the bride, or for choosing clothing in the aim of starting a fight. It really isn't. You just end up looking undignified and petty.

Let her have her day how she wants. It's just one day. But rethink the relationships afterwards.

Am amazed by all the posters who think your FIL’s wife to be has done nothing wrong, OP! And, yes, imo asking one DC out of three to be a bridesmaid IS leaving the other two out. Just because there are two of them doesn’t mean they can’t/won’t feel upset by the different treatment.

Having to wade through a waist high pile of rose petals because flower girls aren't bridesmaids so all the under 10 year old girls are in princess dresses and throwing petals 🤣

I don't know when people will understand the difference with blended families overall - in relation to invites, inheritance, time spent together, etc. and almost every single issue. And, secondly, that you can't bend everyone to your will.

You also say your DT have already been bridesmaids, so it’s not like they’re missing out on this once in a lifetime experience which DSD has been blessed with. They are also still attending the wedding. What does it matter where they stand? They’re 7 years old, FGS. They don’t need a special role. It’s very impressive they have already been bridesmaids.

They should be taught that it’s never a snub to not be asked to be in a wedding party or they’re going to start expecting it at every wedding they’re aware of. Bloody 27 dresses over here.

Wow, OP, you are spoiling for a fight with this woman. You'd honestly ignore your DH's feelings about his relationship with his father and spoil your eldest daughter's day when you could easily just make your youngest daughters' by buying them great dresses and making it lots of fun for them. Absolutely wrong.

The most depressing thing about this thread is the number of grown women who are indoctrinating their daughters with sexist gender stereotypes, where they should aspire to play princess in frilly dresses and tiaras, and make an emotionally manipulative fuss if thwarted.

Do we really need more looks-focused empty-headed women in the world?

I think you are acting like a petulant child OP .
Your dd is a bridesmaid already and is representing your family. Its impossible to have every girl child as a bridesmaid and please everyone.
This wedding is about your H and his relationships not you. If he can tolerate this woman for the sake of his Dad that’s on him.
Be supportive not a drama queen

Imagine if everyone put their kids in a flower girl role!!

I have a new found understanding of why people have child free weddings

Next up @Maray1967 giving fashion advice to op for what to wear as wedding guest...
'Oh in Derry Girls Aunt Sara wears a lovely white dress to a wedding as a guest, that'd be stunning on you!'. 😆

Flowers girls ARE bridesmaids and are chosen by the bride. Not by some deranged mother dressing their daughter up and giving them flower petals to throw at the bride

It's honestly worrying how many of them think making their children the centre of attention and some kind of martyr is acceptable

Or seem to miss the fact that DC will pick up on their own emotions. If they act like it's nothing then the DC are less likely to fuss

And it would lead to the rest of the guests thinking you’re a massive weirdo and by association people would serve your kids like the plague. Why would people want to do that to their children?

Also you’d deserve to be kicked out. I disagree that nothing would be said. I eloped so had only 2 guests at my wedding but had I gone down the big wedding route and someone did this I’d be getting my mum to tell them to leave.

It’s honestly shocking that people are suggesting that. I cannot believe it’s real.

So incredibly arrogant, not to mention cringeworthy.

It’s. Not. Their. Day.

Whats hard to understand

and of course flower girls are bridesmaid.

God imagine being such a petulant loser and shit parent that you stealth force your kids to be bridesmaids at someone else’s wedding! If you want Princess to have a role in something throw your own wedding don’t behave like a psycho at someone else’s

I completely agree that when it comes to being bridesmaids, all daughters in a sibset need to be invited/included. Basic manners and diplomacy.

I'm unsure that little boys always care about being a pageboy but if they do they also need to be included if their siblings are.

Only exception is if children are under 3 and/or incapable of behaving.

Flower girls are not the same as bridesmaids - and this is a good way around the problem because it keeps the little ones happy.

FFS you cannot force kids to be flower girls when they haven’t been invited to be so!

Is this actually how people behave? It’s fucking unhinged and is guaranteed to have your kids resenting you for using them in pathetic little games because you don’t get your way