I have the money for repairs but cannot face dealing with trades. AIBU to just live in the house as it is

We’re in exactly the same position as yourself, have the money but just can’t face tradesmen in the house. The quotes they’ve given are ridiculous for a simple kitchen, this is the last room, had the house for 11 years. My husband is an amazing DIYer but he’s 61 now and really busy at work, so knackered in the evening, and the weekends go so fast doing things WE want to do.

I had a really bad virus last year, probably Covid, which triggered off an M.S relapse that I haven’t got over, and I can’t mentally cope with the disruption and mess, so I totally understand where you’re coming from.

I am always dubious about sharing contacts in case things go wrong.

I have been lucky with all three trades I have. I choose small independent traders who live close by. I look at how long they have been trading and say reviews. Try again with really local people if you haven’t already.

Oh god finally someone like me

I'm exactly the same

Can't face organizing it all

YANBU they turn up when they want, leave when they want, charge a day rate for about 2 hours of work. I could go on. I had some plumbers in today and all they did was moan about the state of the existing plumbing. All whilst I was trying to work myself. They trod plaster dust round the entire house. I'm not totally sure what they've actually achieved but no doubt I'll be charged through the nose for it.
They then asked why my renovation was taking so long and I pointed out that it had taken them 2 months to be able to fit me in, so these delays compounded by all the trades meant that I still don't have a finished kitchen like I really fucking should do by now ARGH!!

We had an extension and renovation done - the builder was recommended by the architect and was great. My husband took some months off to do some of the work himself, and I did all the painting (we both work full time). Anyone can paint/fill/sand. It just takes a bit of time and effort. Get recommendations from your local WhatsApp group for trades people.

I am exactly like you OP. I had to bite the bullet and get a new bathroom fitted in the New Year, had been putting it off for ages because I dreaded having trade people in. I got a recommendation from a trusted friend, did my research on the company and just ploughed through it. Took just over three weeks. Trades people were lovely, but I hated having people in my space. Very pleased with the result. I can’t face having the next room done for a few months though, because it was so stressful. There is no logical reason for my attitude and reaction, but it’s how I am.

So no advice other than do your homework, accept how you are, and know that many of us understand.

My friend is having an absolute nightmare with her Architect , builder and other tradesmen , it's completely put me off ever having anything done unless l really have to .
I am wondering if care and repair are the way to go tbh . They recommend ppl to do works for you here .
It's all a risk though 🙄

You don’t need to be handy to paint. If you can butter a slice of toast you can paint a wall.

I have been lucky so far and have had reliable roofers, plumbers, electricians and decorators.

But I still hate having work done. Desperately need a new kitchen, but can't stand the thought of it. A small extention would be nice too, but again, the very thought of it makes me feel stressed.

I’d do the easy jobs like repainting and freshening it up, but I’d leave the renovations until I could face it, all whilst keeping my eye on the property market to see if anything I like that’s more or less ready to move into comes up. Freshening it up might give you the motivation to do the bigger works, or if you decide to sell it will also help with making it presentable to potential buyers.

The interior designer is a brilliant idea.

You don't owe it to anyone to get trades in. Do what you want in your house. But you say it's embarrassing... it's not great for you mentally to be living in a house you're embarrassed about either.

A couple of alternatives spring to mind. Grasp the nettle and have one last go, get one decorator in to do your main living room and maybe hallway. One hit, done. Second, give yourself a year off. Put a note in your diary for a year's time to reconsider then, when you have trialled living with it for a year. Thirdly, you could whack some paint up on walls and skirting of your main living room in a weekend. It doesn't take weeks of research or tonnes of time. It might just be enough to make you feel better about the house.

You've been burned on big projects but smaller things are different. Being happy with your house's footprint and deciding against an extension is absolutely fine IMO. I met a woman once who hated her house so much after the trauma of building works that they moved. The irony - she was an interior designer!

Same, can’t bear it,

It took me ages and ages to find a really good plumber, electrician, and decorator. I found that people who have good contacts don't actually like to share them.

I've got a really good friend and we always pass on recommendations to each other but everyone else I know, in spite of knowing them for 35 years (and they MUST have had work done in 35 years) never seem keen to recommend.

I had people vouche and the work was still shit! They either dont do it all themselves or end up taking too long or rushing because they are overbooked. A tradie good once even in the same bouse isn't guaranteed to be good again just like a dentist doing one good job doesn't mean nothing could go wrong for the next tooth. If you want a job well done do it yourself!

Buying a new property new built orn
not isn't a good idea because dealing with home updates and decoration is part of home ownership. If you aren't dealing with trades you're dealing with landlords and trades.

I hate having people in my space, and especially hate the risk of patronising men (sorry, but it is often men) who fleece you/do a bad job.

My top tip would be to go hard after truly personal recommendations - not just 'oh he did my bathroom and he was fine'. I am trade these days and it is so much easier when you work with people as colleagues. It's a bit drastic to suggest you change job just to find someone you can relax around, but honestly, it made all the difference - the problem is, the people I would now go to for expert work are never the people who show up on adverts or through recommendations from the types of people who have smart houses - they're all people who are booked up to the nines already, because they are really good at what they do and don't mess people around. That's why getting a proper contact with someone is so important. Do you know anyone who can vouch for a tradie on a personal level?

Force yourself to do the painting and skirting by choosing your hard then.
Forget the conversion and bigger projects. You are going to have to learn to do these jobs then!

Oh to have the money to be able to do this!

You see I find painting really hard work! I thought I'd enjoy it but it's so tiring, I feel so achey after, it's really messy and all the prep work is so boring

YANBU. My first experience with a tradesman is that I've had nearly 4 grand stolen and now having to go through small claims court. I'm put off for life.

I feel the same. Which is why I do all the painting myself, it makes a huge difference and isn't hard at all.

I felt the same as you so we hired an interior designer and she dealt with them. She also had lots of contacts. All the work was great.

Having worked in construction, I completely agree.

It's hard enough to manage subbies when you have a written standard form contract and pre start meeting minutes, and a program of works, specifications and drawings. They are still tardy. They still over promise and under deliver, they still make errors, they don't work when it's too hot, too cold, too windy or just too Friday.

That's before we mention getting them to actually finish a job and as for getting them back for rectification works even when you're holding 5 per cent retention, well you've probably got more chance of wanking the pope.

I dread employing trades for my own home. Dread it.