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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have the money for repairs but cannot face dealing with trades. AIBU to just live in the house as it is

188 replies

Eastie77Returns · 11/02/2025 19:17

Just that really. Bought the house a few years ago. I had threads going at the time about my horrendous experience with Trades. In one particular case (main builder) the police ended up getting involved. We thankfully found decent builders to fix his awful work but even they made errors and ruined some of our new flooring with paint.

We did find some good trades: a Carpenter who did our in wardrobes and shelves, the joiner who put in our doors, the flooring team. They were amazing. But the guys we employed for the bigger stuff…it was awful.

Eventually we ran out of cash and just accepted we would live with the shoddy work we couldn’t fix. Now I’ve inherited some money and I’m in a position to get stuff fixed and add a loft conversion. However I’ve decided for the benefit of my mental health that I cannot do it. I cannot face dealing with Trades again. The lies, the dishonesty, the unprofessionalism. It’s too much. I feel it’s inevitable I’ll be ripped off and a loft conversion will involve so much time, money and disruption.

On the other hand, the house looks shabby. It is a bit embarrassing having guests round when so much needs doing.. The walls already need repainting, skirting boards are awful. The house needs a glow up. I am not handy and neither is DP so we cannot do it ourselves. And we really do need the extra room the conversion will bring. I don’t trust any trades.

The funny thing is I do actually like the house. It has grown on me. It’s old but I like the character. I just feel a bit depressed when I look at the grubby walls and all the bits that need doing.

I’m not even sure what my AIBU is. Should I just live in the house as it is for now and protect my well being?

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 12/02/2025 08:34

I feel the same op. When I was younger (I’m 44 now) and had endless energy and enthusiasm for it all I’d decorate rooms myself, wallpaper etc but now I’m just burnt out with it all and the last thing I want to do with my downtime is be up ladders painting etc. And I don’t fancy having people in the house doing it all for me either, too intrusive and stressful. I used to look at houses on rightmove that hadn’t had anything “done” to them for years and years and be quite judgey but now I absolutely get it.

LintelsAreStructural · 12/02/2025 08:28

Gabitule · 11/02/2025 23:24

I tried to use a recommended tradesman once, but he was so busy that he never actually start my work.
I then reverted to finding people on checkatrade with mixed results. I must say that I ALWAYS chose tradesmen with multiples reviews, all positive. I do really try to vet them. However:

  • I once had a constant leak behind my bathtub (when using the in-bath shower) because the installer didn’t bother to sit the bathtub on legs. He just let it rest on a thin wooden frame around the edge. Three plumbers came to investigate, none of them figured out the cause of the leak (but charged me for replacing the seal around the bath). In the end I figured out by myself what was going on by googling the potential reasons.
  • i hired a carpenter to change my doors. A week later I had a house with no doors and damaged doorframes. I remember I was at work and I suddenly realised that something was very wrong with the carpenter as he was simply unable to complete the work. I texted him and told him to stop whatever he was doing and leave my house. He threatened to walk away with my new doors unless I paid him 😀. I’m laughing now but at the time I was so worried he’d go into a rage and smash my furniture and my appliances so I paid him.
  • I hired a plumber to install a new toilet. He bought the wrong fittings so, to make it work, he suggested building a wooden pedestal on which to sit the toilet. I could have been sitting on a high throne every day, with my legs dangling, but I declined.
  • i hired an electrician to install an electric extractor fan anywhere in the outside wall of my bathroom. He chose to dig the hole in the concrete lintel above the window 😂. Some hours and much dust later, he managed to make the hole.
  • i hired a carpenter who did a good job, but then harassed me to date him (even though he was married).
There are also lots of people who gave me quotes but I didn’t hire, because they were either very expensive or completely insane - like the guy who offered to refurbish my bathroom but said it was necessary to demolish the external bathroom wall in the process.

I did get lucky when I did eventually refurbish my bathroom (no demolition of walls involved). I got a lovely team of people who did an excellent job and who were very kind. My Chinese plasterer is the hardest working person I’ve ever met, and charged me a third of what other plasterers charge. I subsequently used him to plaster my entire house.
I absolutely love my house now but omg, the refurbishment process was sooo stressful. And because of everything I’ve done to my floors, moving radiators etc, I seem to have caused a chain reaction of leaking pipes under my floorboards. Finding leaking pipes is sooooo difficult and so stressful. 😣

So you are not being unreasonable for not wanting to invest any energy in refurbishing your house.

@Gabitule Did you have anyone look at your lintel after it was abused like this? I’ve created an account just to encourage you to get it checked out if you haven’t already. Lintels are a structural component of a building and are designed to support the weight of the walls and roof above the window opening. Drilling out quite a large hole could compromise the lintel’s integrity. Hopefully it’s all good, but it’s not the kind of area you want holes drilled.

missdeamenor · 12/02/2025 08:28

I'm in the same position. Being a lone, elderly woman, I find bad tradespeople have a field day ripping me off. I know from experience that they deal with men in a totally different manner.

My house is now a wreck and i'm constantly in a tizzy about what to do. I don't have a solution for you, but want you to know that I deeply sympathise.

Favouritefruits · 12/02/2025 08:18

I was exactly the same I was conned out if 10k and it absolutely destroyed me. We needed a new kitchen and roof and I couldn’t bear the thought of having a trades man in again but the work needed to be done, so I collected many many quotes and vetted them all if I had an off feeling they’re went, if they didn’t have a branded van they went and so on. I think you need to do the same, you can go and view there work usually and look at reviews. I’ve just had a good experience with my roofer I’ll let you know how the kitchen guy goes to see if my method works 😬

Danascully2 · 12/02/2025 08:14

I have found my people! I have found trying to get even small things done so stressful I am really avoiding it.
Although to give credit where it's due I have also had some really helpful tradespeople. A local plumber who always comes when he says he will and as far as I can see gets the job done. He is a one man business though so if he doesn't call me back after I've left a message I never know whether he's on holiday or just busy and I find it stressful knowing how long to leave it before calling again. Also have a very helpful tree surgeon/gardener. Agree about local recommendations not being reliable - had one enthusiastic recommendation from a good friend for someone who was awful.
I am more than capable of painting in theory but the main area that needs doing is the open plan living/dining area and there is so much kids clutter that it would be a massive mission to move it all to paint around dealing with them and working. I don't understand people saying painting is an easy and quick job, it takes ages to move everything, clean the walls, cover everything up, clean brushes afterwards etc etc. Also husband has no interest in any sort of house improvement unless essential repairs so he would be all grumpy about any disruption to his Tv watching spot if I start moving things around because I want the room painted. The other room that looks really awful is the room where one of us works full time from home (no office option) so again it would be really disruptive to do anything with it.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 12/02/2025 08:02

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 12/02/2025 07:10

I get you OP. Either people don't remember what it's like to be working with small kids or they never did. A lot of people have pretty demanding jobs as well as having kids these days, and it's very different to even a few years ago. If I was YouTubing how to build some wardrobes after a long day at work plus nursery pick up, bath, bedtime etc for the kids I think I'd have a nervous breakdown. Like you, I just want tradespeople to do their fucking jobs to a high standard for their customers, like I do for my clients at work. That's how the economy should work, isn't it? People have a certain skill set and they're paid by others who don't. I wouldn't expect my plumber to be watching YouTube about how to navigate his way round my area of the law so why should I be trying to learn his profession in my free time? Eugh.

Yep. I understand the well meaning advice to ‘just do it yourself’ but when do people think a FT working parent can do this? My day starts at 6am (granted I spent time this morning on MN lol) and ends anytime between 10-11pm. Weekends are busy. And honestly, when I do get some down time the last thing I want to do is take out a paintbrush or box of tools. I do actually like to spend time with my DC😭

I don’t have any interest in learning these skills tbh so I wouldn’t have any motivation when sitting in front of YouTube following along as Dave shows me how to size and fit a flipping skirting board, inviting me to Like his channel so he can send me more fascinating clips on how to plaster, render and lay flooring. No!!

OP posts:
AfricanGreen · 12/02/2025 08:01

Register of Tradeswomen
registeroftradeswomen.com
Register of Tradeswomen: Home

Try a woman- less bullshit all round.

ChiaraRimini · 12/02/2025 08:01

Eastie77Returns · 12/02/2025 06:48

If I didn’t work FT, study and have young DC I would follow the advice to do the work myself but I just can’t take on extra work right now. I know it can be done via YouTube tutorials etc. But I can’t spend the small amount of free time I have doing DIY. It sounds straightforward to pick up some paint from B&Q and start in one room. I just don’t have it in me.

I’ll look into the suggestion to find a reputable Interior Designer who can take on the management of Trades. The problem is so many people set themselves up as Interior Designers today, often with little to no experience so I’ll have to try and find someone with a proven track record.

I have found a Loft Conversion company that seem like the real deal. They are booked up until the end of the year which I took as a good sign. They came round and seemed very professional. I have seen them in the area working on a few houses over the past couple of years and saw the work they did on another house a few doors along and it looks great. The home owners said they were excellent (a few issues but nothing major and most importantly, they worked hard and resolved them). I asked if they have details of any other customers they have worked with recently who I could contact and they said not a problem, they would be happy to do this. Work wouldn’t begin until 2026 so I could mentally try to prepare for this.

I’m just so sceptical about it all though.

This 100% is the best way forward, to hire someone whose work you've seen and customers are happy with. It will save you time and effort in the long run to wait for them to be available rather than dealing with the aftermath of a shoddy job.
I can also recommend the TaskRabbit app to find handyman type people for small jobs like putting furniture together, putting up curtain rails etc.

MotherofPearl · 12/02/2025 07:45

I totally understand OP. I've not had particularly bad past experiences but the stress and hassle of having work done to the house is hideous.

We need the children's bathroom to be replaced and have in fact bought all the fixtures and fittings for this (we have a large study in the garden which is handy for storing it), but we are struggling to find anyone to fit it.

I feel like I can't be bothered to pursue it - endless phone calls chasing them up, and then the mess, noise, disruption and inconvenience while they actually do the work. I suppose we'll have to just get through it eventually, but I really don't have the time or headspace for dealing with trades.

bluetongue · 12/02/2025 07:43

This is me too!

I have the money for the work sitting there ready to go. Had a shocking time with the trades that repaired my wooden windows last year. Then I got some quotes for exterior painting and was about to organise it when I found out my road would be having repairs done for months.

My other issue is I live alone and work full time with no WFH available. Then there’s my dog who will need to live with my parents while work is being done. It’s all just a huge hassle but getting quotes and finding reliable trades is definitely the hardest part. Sometimes I even miss renting 😮

Meredusoleil · 12/02/2025 07:36

Nrtft but have to agree about non English trades people being better.

Also love the idea of having a female in. Found a female gardener on Nextdoor that I was going to use.

But we need more females for the indoor jobs!

NooNakedJacuzziness · 12/02/2025 07:35

I'm glad I found this thread. We need work doing to the ceiling above our stairs where the roof leaked but it's so high and wide that we'll need internal scaffolding for anyone to reach it. We just look down a lot in the meantime, it's been like it for a few years now!

Had a new bathroom 4 years ago and the workmen were great and turned up every day without fail but it was still a huge intrusion for nearly 3 weeks, trying to fit a poo in when they weren't around was awful!!

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 12/02/2025 07:10

I get you OP. Either people don't remember what it's like to be working with small kids or they never did. A lot of people have pretty demanding jobs as well as having kids these days, and it's very different to even a few years ago. If I was YouTubing how to build some wardrobes after a long day at work plus nursery pick up, bath, bedtime etc for the kids I think I'd have a nervous breakdown. Like you, I just want tradespeople to do their fucking jobs to a high standard for their customers, like I do for my clients at work. That's how the economy should work, isn't it? People have a certain skill set and they're paid by others who don't. I wouldn't expect my plumber to be watching YouTube about how to navigate his way round my area of the law so why should I be trying to learn his profession in my free time? Eugh.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 12/02/2025 06:48

If I didn’t work FT, study and have young DC I would follow the advice to do the work myself but I just can’t take on extra work right now. I know it can be done via YouTube tutorials etc. But I can’t spend the small amount of free time I have doing DIY. It sounds straightforward to pick up some paint from B&Q and start in one room. I just don’t have it in me.

I’ll look into the suggestion to find a reputable Interior Designer who can take on the management of Trades. The problem is so many people set themselves up as Interior Designers today, often with little to no experience so I’ll have to try and find someone with a proven track record.

I have found a Loft Conversion company that seem like the real deal. They are booked up until the end of the year which I took as a good sign. They came round and seemed very professional. I have seen them in the area working on a few houses over the past couple of years and saw the work they did on another house a few doors along and it looks great. The home owners said they were excellent (a few issues but nothing major and most importantly, they worked hard and resolved them). I asked if they have details of any other customers they have worked with recently who I could contact and they said not a problem, they would be happy to do this. Work wouldn’t begin until 2026 so I could mentally try to prepare for this.

I’m just so sceptical about it all though.

OP posts:
CanelliniBeans · 12/02/2025 06:44

I understand how you feel.
We moved a few years ago and four major pieces of work on the house have been incredibly stressful. Two done in the winter left us cold and miserable. Incompetent trades, constant mistakes or issues and one even took a deposit and we never saw them again. So stressful.
We've just had a bathroom refurbished which went ok after a minor flood episode where they forgot to cap a pipe.
We've decided although there are further things we'd ideally renovate we are done. No more.
We might go for a new build next time.

I think unless you can trust someone who has been personally recommended and you can move out during major work then it's all too stressful.

Pallisers · 12/02/2025 00:01

Is there anyway you could afford to hire a reputable local interior designer or similar (someone who works on showhouses/with builders) to manage the project for you? From experience the trades turn up/do the work if they are working for someone who has repeat business for them. They know you are a one-off so they will always bin you off for business that is going to be repeat (developed/designers etc).

AelinAG · 12/02/2025 00:00

Just learn to do the small bits. Barring plumbing and major electrics we never had a tradesman in our house once growing up as my mum taught herself everything needed. Pre YouTube too! And that was with two kids, ill parents, a job and a husband on shift work who didn’t do DIY himself. Painting for ten mins a day will soon add up.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/02/2025 23:58

I understand your reluctance to have major work done; incompetent or disrespectful tradespeople are a nightmare to have in your home and can leave worse mess than the original problem. But I bet you could find a reasonable decorator to paint or paper the main rooms. Get a recommendation, employ the person to do one small room initially and stop there if it doesn't work out, or ask them to do the next room if you're pleased. It will make the place look much nicer. Good luck.

Undrugged · 11/02/2025 23:53

I do wonder whether this is a result of the higher education entry rate going up massively (albeit slightly less so for males) plus brexit stripping out competition.

I know there are some really good trades out there but many of the ones now in the marketplace will be those who couldn’t stay in school past 16 even with loads of support. Problems applying themselves etc.

The ones who can stay in education, will generally do courses other than entry level apprenticeships because they promise greater returns.

Brexit has meant that the ready supply of well-trained, skilled labour has disappeared and so people are completely desperate and will employ anyone with a tool bag.

it’s all a bit of a mess.

Am definitely in favour of a women’s trade collective - I reckon we could take over the world.

edwinbear · 11/02/2025 23:50

Our ‘electrician’ reliably told me before Christmas our induction hob wasn’t tripping the fuse box because of the electrics. It was a faulty hob which needed replacing.

There is only one hob in existence which will fit in the current Corian worktop, so I had that imported from Germany. I waited 8 weeks for it and it cost me £4k.

It was installed today - surprise, surprise, there was nothing wrong with the old hob. It’s an issue with the electrics after all, so I’m back to square one, trying to find an electrician who can find the fault and fix it. Only I’m £4k down and have not had a working hob since before Christmas. I do have a spare, back up hob now though I suppose.

The boiler is also on the blink, the 5th engineer is due out on Thursday.

It would have been cheaper to move house.

Developedanillness · 11/02/2025 23:42

I'm so with you all. Had our house pretty much rebuilt last year, nearly killed me, I ended up quite unwell with the stress of it all. Fell out with them over the floor which they totally messed up, it's horrible just horrible. Yes, urgh to all those bloody awful blokes in your house with barely 3 teeth between them, smoking, swearing and making you feel so uncomfortable it's unreal. Loathe loathe the whole process

rivalsbinge · 11/02/2025 23:39

Op we live in a scruffy half renovated house for the exact same reasons.

We have plans to extend, plans to do a ton of work totalling over £150k but right now I'd rather keep the money in the bank and my sanity.

We've done 3 renovation's and the trades have got way worse over the last 20 years.

I'm not sure hence I'll have the drive to be bothered, I can tile, paint, plumb and I'm tempted to learn how to lay bricks so I can build the extension myself and I find the best trades are the ground works..

reesewithoutaspoon · 11/02/2025 23:32

I'm in the same boat. I had such awful experiences just trying to get trades to come quote (I have to laugh when they say get 3 quotes, you can barely get 1 to come and quote)
They seem to appear and disappear whenever they want. dates when they promised they would start the job, came and went. Then they would come out, be here for 2 hours, and declare they needed another part or material and it would be another week before they showed up again. You can't plan anything.

Undrugged · 11/02/2025 23:30

Maybe we should all buy mobile homes and site them on private land. Honestly, I’ve fantasised about such tiny homes, because they just wear out after a few decades and you replace the whole thing. In the meantime almost zero maintenance… maybe the issue is our expectation of perfectly presented, sizeable houses! Sometimes I think I’d like to live in a tiny caravan - no clutter, no dealing with plasterers, builders, electricians, decorators, gutter cleaners, soffit replacer-ers, driveway layers, or any of a million other trades.

MotherOfRatios · 11/02/2025 23:30

i've just completed on the property and what started originally as a bathroom renovation is now a full house renovation and for quite some time the builders were coming at 8 am and then leaving at 1 pm, I meant today they were supposed to come and just never did and I blew my gasket with them. As I've had no water for over three weeks.

I just wish they would communicate with people