In not making child do homework

I think if there’s homework set then if should be attempted simply because you don’t want to set a precedent that homework is optional that you’ll have to backtrack on later. It’s a nuisance though. Maybe set a timer and you do as much as possible in that time so it doesn’t feel endless, and if he gets something wrong, whoops that’s the mistake, good attempt, you’ll get it next time etc. It doesn’t need to be perfect.

My DC’s schools don’t do any homework except reading for the youngest. We read together every night anyway and DC1 reads independently at bedtime. I think that’s enough.

You have to force them for so many reasons - discipline, future academic attainment and respect for parents as well as respect for the tasks set by the school. Please please please force them, otherwise you will be wondering, many years down the line, what went wrong.

im 60. Child of 60s wrt primary education.
no homework for infants in those days at any school I (plus siblings) went to (and we moved around a lot).

I was a slow reader, so mum did do a lot of reading with me and then it clicked and I became a book worm and speed reader. But spellings, like times table was a fecking waste of time for me…I have a spelling blindness (runs in family) and zilch short term memory for numbers. Yet I have a joint degree in maths and chemistry, spent a lifetime working professionally in STEM including writing long and complex tech docs. My spelling is still crap, but no amount of writing out3 times to correct all the way through school ever did solve that…I have a visual memory and can’t “see” all the vowels and little curvy letters…words like “decision” were a nightmare for me until spell checkers came along (I had to check that 🤣🤣) .

whilst good mental arithmetic is very important and literacy is vital, the drudge of spelling lists and timetables with my own kids was sole destroying, in the same way for me as it had been a form of mental torture homing right in on the 2 skills I was most useless at, and making me think I was crap at maths for years and years.

I told my kids school I was not going to do their homework for them. If they weren’t old enough to read and carry out instructions by themselves, and do work themselves, the school was de facto setting me homework and it wasn’t going to happen. I worked long hours and was carer for my husband who had severe and enduring mental illness by then. I told the school that my job was to nuture curiosity, create discipline and help my kids to learn in using a variety of methods . I took that bit bloody seriously and did a lot of extra curricular stuff with them. But nope, I never did homework with them until late primary age where they could ask for help when they got stuck, after trying to do it themselves.

This wasn’t laziness. Once they were doing homework I’d spend a lot of time with them, I particularly enjoyed 😉🤣🤣 learning about economics, music theory and electronic circuit boards, which I had somehow missed in my own education, I latter proof read and advised on 3 degree thesis for them and another for a long term girlfriend of one of them, plus 2 master thesis. I have some rather specialised knowledge now on GIS or radiation environments in exoplanets atmospheres . I still waiting for that to be useful. 🥸😝In the meantime I still support them with interview practice when they change jobs.

BUT, I grew up with very educationally minded and supportive parents, and in turn I was very focused and engaged in my kids education. And that makes the difference. They had no doubt education and learning was key. And that school was critical. The teachers, once recovered from the blunt “no I will not be doing that” soon had sense to realise that I was doing mental maths and stuff to help with literacy in other ways.

I think where homework comes into play with younger kids is where parents don’t or won’t support their kids education otherwise. Parents who are unengaged, or even maybe have no experience of the opportunity ducstion csn bring. Parents who wouldn’t read to and with their kids unless told to by school, parents who don’t encourage their kids to do play involving maths, literacy, the arts, music etc . This is who these homework regimes were introduced for. But the utter crapness of teaching by route timetables and spelling is a hill I will die on to never do. It only works for some kids who think that way and can completely disengage kids who don’t think like that. It’s sheer laziness by schools to churn out lists of words or timetables each week without thought or intent. Kids that age need to have fun and engage to learn anything. As do adults for that matter

I think you are doing a huge amount of it already by reading every/most nights. I don't believe it matters that it's the not school book. Allowing a child to read what they want is going to develop their love for it and encourage them to read more.
The improvement in spelling will come from the reading! To help with your concern around getting them ready for high school, could you add in doing spellings once one week and the other activity the next week? That way they are doing one piece of homework per week (plus the reading).

Yes, you should be enforcing it to some degree now @Qwerty21.

And this doesn't mean sitting down and making each other miserable either. If you suspect your child may have additional struggles then timers work really well. Clearly defined times for work is effective and constructive. So for example, you tell your child that at 4pm you'll be asking Alexa to time fifteen minutes and you'll do great work in that time. There is no need for battles or protracted tortuous evenings. Timer - work-chill time/reward. And if your child has no issue with the work itself then it's amazing how much can be achieved in such a short space of time. I also wouldn't worry about the reader. If they enjoy reading then prescriptive reading is hellish so as long as they enjoy books I wouldn't worry too much about that.

I haven't seen any evidence that homework in primary has any educational benefits. I didn't get any when I am in primary (I'm old) and all my peers coped perfectly well in secondary when homework started and was ratcheted up during the first two terms. And amazingly, we all managed to pass our exams.
My kids did their primary homework, but I was never under any illusion that it was more than make-work.

Reading however is key to everything. I read out loud to my kids every night until the oldest was 13. They were also voracious readers themselves. Basically good reading = good spelling. That is worth investing in. We'd scoot through the school books and then get to the good stuff.

Just come back from parents evening and asked my eldest teacher this (Year 4). She said he's surpassing all levels atm. And just keep him reading and doing active learning through real examples. Such as reading a recipe, maths in the supermarket, reading the clothing labels for washing. The torture of lockdown and the online learning and virtual sheets nearly scarred him for life with loving education and school and I won't risk it. We ditched the online and did worksheets books etc. The transition to secondary can be managed with clear expectations they will learn this in primary school and also I can do at home.

There is ‘not overly stressing over homework’ and ‘it’s a battle so I can’t be bothered to do it at all’.
If only to gently introduce the habit, I strongly believe 10-15min of spelling every night and one worksheet at the weekend is not too much.
I agree on the reading though, I doesn’t matter what book they read as long as they enjoy it.

spelling we would have dd just spell the list at the beginning of the week. If she knew them all, we would ignore it. If there were some she needed to practice, we memorized the remaining list ourselves. That way we could just call them out randomly and dd could spell them orally. She never sat down with paper and pencil for spelling practice.

for reading, dd was a voracious independent reader. I just let her do her own thing. The only time I didn’t fake the reading log at the beginning of the month was when they were having a competition. Then I accurately recorded her time every day.

for anything else, yes, we sat down and did the work. It never took long in primary. Reading and spelling were the time sinks.

The British education system and lifestyle overall is not conducive to good long term outcomes.

Spellings shouldn't be taking 20-30 mins per night. Does your DC find them hard, struggle to concentrate or is just overwhelmed?

We do:

• daily reading - DD reads to herself in bed most nights and reads to us once a week or so
• spellings - she writes them out once or twice a week. Takes a couple of minutes each time, usually whilst cooking dinner
• weekly homework takes around 20 mins on Saturday. She does it alone.

-.times tables - we let DD do it when she wants

So in total this takes about 30 mins of MY time per week. If it's a massive battleground, I would see if you can do it differently or do less of it.

I don’t agree with homework in primary – it’s not shown to be beneficial. But reading is king, and my twins read to me 7 days a week. Maths and spelling 2-3 times a week.

I grew up in a third world country where the education system is significantly better, also childhood as a whole is prioritised. YANBU at all.

If nothing else, please try and practise their spellings. If they are ND, they are likely to be upset if there is a spelling test at the end of the week and they get them all wrong.

Sorry to be pedantic, but for those of you unsure, it is practise your spellings not practice your spellings.

We don’t do spellings or reading here. DS is 6 and has autism (potentially also adhd). It was an awful battle when we tried and caused endless distress to him. Spoke with the school on multiple occasions about this and every time they’ve told us not to push him. They actively encouraged us to keep things seperate- school is where he does these things, home is his safe decompression space. We read our own books when he wishes to, and encourage him to read words on signs etc.
He is behind with reading/spelling/phonics but school are supporting it and still maintain not pushing him as it would likely make him even more resistant to learn.

ds2 is 5 he reads a few times a week, usually he requests this but gets bored of reading the same book all week so we do our own thing. No complaints from school about this yet!

I stopped enforcing homework in primary. There's no evidence it is beneficial and it was causing stressful evenings like you describe. It didn't stop them knuckling down at secondary and getting excellent exam results. They are now at (a very good and sought after) university.

YABU imo. I have a full-on job and my DC often try and resist homework but we read 7 days a week, practice spelling daily and do every assigned piece of homework which is usually two pieces a week.

It is a definite drain on my time but I’m a parent and find the time to fit it in.

"I didn't say in my op because fundamentally it doesn't make a difference to whether it's important to my child's education for us to do them or not, but my child's being assessed for ADHD and Autism, so I wonder if this affects how much of a battle homework is (I don't have another school aged child for comparison). As it really isn't a quick or easy thing for us to do."

But it fundamentally does make a difference! If your child is ASD/ADHD they will need a lot more time to decompress before school. Autistic children sometimes also need absolute separation between home and school to keep home their safe space. Or they need to feel in control of their time outside of school to be able to deal with the demands of school. The equation isn't just "does the benefit of doing the homework outweigh the stress of the fight" but "am asking my child to do something that they just can't manage and that might actually be harmful right now."

I actually agree that homework isn't super important in primary beyond reading. But with an autistic child you're making judgements about whether your child can actually cope with a typically beneficial activity on an almost daily basis - so you can't just say that it being beneficial is enough.

I don't think it's an all or nothing thing. I'd possibly skip the homework sheet but I really think it's important to keep an eye on reading - it's the foundation of learning in all subjects. If your child is a good reader then they'll do well across the board.

I mean, it’s literally your child and his chances of academic success. If you can’t be bothered then don’t, but think about what you’re teaching with that.

Spellings, reading, times tables and a sheet or two of homework doesn’t take hours for the vast majority of children.

Horrible to pile grief on, ex-English teacher here. If you are doing spellings, try and practice writing them - it teaches the brain to learn the patterns words make on paper. Then you do it automatically.

I would at least have a go. Write spellings on a whiteboard on the fridge or with magnetic letters somewhere visible. Then go over it a couple of times in the week or if they show interest. Reading keep short and sweet one page/paragraph at a time. Worksheet spend the allocated time and hand in however much or little is achieved.

I never did homework. They are supposed to read 3 times a week, we read at bedtimes very rarely it will be the school book unless said child has picked it. Spellings we practised once a week with 1st, it briefly lasted with our 2nd and I think we’ve done it once with our 3rd. Homework the school went from weekly to termly about 6 years ago, we have done it 3 times and only if the dc wants to do something fun.

Doing no homework has had no impact on any of my DDs education. Only 1 in highschool who has never missed an assignment and coped fine with homework. I’m not worried about my 2nd who starts this year and my 3rd current year 3 is doing fantastic in school, no issues.

I will admit we probably need to focus a bit more on spelling with dd 2 as she usually gets anywhere between 5-8 out of 10, but will get 10/10 when we practise.

No op carry on
If your dc are ahead keep doing what your doing. One of mine was ahead and has just got mostly 9s at gcse. At one point in primary I wrote to the teacher asking that we dropped this hw they agreed.

Second dc was struggling but she couldn't learn spelling how school taught it so it was a case of quality over quantity for her and me teaching her in a way she understood.

1st dc was also an advance reader forced to read dross. So I signed her reading book without her reading the school dross.

Second dc had better library by then and I did support her to read the school books.