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Original poster

Adult children sharing the same room as parents on holiday. Yes or no?

132 replies

bobbythejobby · 11/02/2025 18:53

Parents decide to book a cruise for family of four - mum, dad, daughter and son. They say this is going to be their last family holiday now the two kids are getting older. DS is 15, DD is 24 and has already moved out but when they book the cruise they put her on the booking and pay for her to go but don’t ask her in advance or even tell her they’re going to book a cruise. So on the one hand a free holiday is not to be sniffed at.

However the cabin they book is literally the size of a shoebox and is just one room with bunk beds so all four are sharing this small space and equally small bathroom.

DD says she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with her 15 year old brother and 50-odd year old dad and asks if they can book another cabin for her to share with mum or can she can book her own cabin that she’ll pay for out of her own money as she’s working. Parents say no to booking another cabin or giving DD the details for the travel agent to book her own because they think there are unlikely to be any cabins left anyway as there were only a few at the time they booked. Therefore DD doesn’t go on the holiday.

So who’s being unreasonable (if anyone)?

I had been going to keep this anonymous how I fit into this scenario to try and get as unbiased opinions as possible but I know people will ask so I was the daughter who didn’t go on the cruise. I was (and still am) married at the time and couldn’t stomach the thought of sharing a small room with my dad and brother. I spent months trying to talk myself into going but I just couldn’t no matter how I tried to trick my brain into it.

This happened over ten years ago but the reason I’m asking this now is because now and again my mum will bring this up and insinuate I was wrong for feeling so uncomfortable about it that I didn’t go on our last family holiday.

Would welcome others’ opinions on this just out of curiosity as to if I was unreasonable or not to not go.

OP posts:
Original poster
bobbythejobby · 11/02/2025 20:36

Thanks so much for your replies. It actually makes me feel a whole lot better that I’m clearly not the only one who wouldn’t feel comfortable in this situation. At the time I was made to feel by my mum particularly that I was being awkward/ruining things by refusing to go. It did however take me months to 100% decide not to go as I kept trying to talk myself into it but it just wasn’t happening. The person upthread who said they’d rather be shot out of a cannon? That’s exactly how I felt about it no matter how much I tried to talk myself into it!

To answer a few questions, yes my mum does have a habit of holding on to things and bringing them up again years later. Bringing up this particular topic is generally in the context of holidays eg if they’re talking about someone else going on a cruise my mum will often say something about how I missed out on our last family holiday because I was being awkward. I always retort with well how many 20-odd year old married women want to share a small room with their dad and brother.

I think they booked the cruise as a spur of the moment thing and decided to add me on to the booking so I didn’t feel like I was the only one left out. I think this is why my husband was not included in the booking because in their mind it was a family holiday though I remember saying umpteen times that if they’d spoken to us beforehand me and dh could have booked our own cabin and we’d all have had a nice holiday! At that time we’d have had the money to pay for that kind of holiday too(not so much now unfortunately).

i didn’t have any concerns about my dad or brother’s behaviour if I did go. It was simply that I couldn’t bear the thought of it. I wouldn’t have had a problem sharing with my mum only. We’re not a close family and we all do our thing, we’re not an affectionate family so the idea of being confined in that small space with them trying to sleep and get changed and washed just horrified me to be honest.

I don’t think my mum is ever going to agree with me about why I didn’t go. She sees it as I didn’t allow us to have that last family holiday which I get in a way. My reasons for not going have never changed in all these years so I’ll just keep parroting the same line about not being comfortable sharing a room and hope one day it goes in. Or better yet doesn’t get brought up again the next time the topic of holidays comes up.

OP posts:
admirible · 11/02/2025 20:36

A fortnight in a cupboard filled with bunk beds and teenage boys farts is not a holiday. YANBU

BunnyLake · 11/02/2025 20:30

No it would be awful. We had a room like that (our one and only cruise so I didn't realise what the rooms would be like). It was just me and two young teens and it’s not good. Its too small. The bunk beds are awful. She would 100% feel uncomfortable, it’s too small and you’d all be sharing a tiny toilet/shower room. I would never book a room like that again for three never mind four people.

You were right not to go, in my opinion.

Ted27 · 11/02/2025 20:23

My 21 year old son is still happy to share a room with me if there isn't a reasonable alternative.

Having said that I wouldn't do it for more than a couple of nights and also get decent sized rooms and bathrooms so we can give each other privacy for dressing.
I would share a room like that so I don't think you were unreasonable not to go and if they were so desperate for you to go they should have supplied the information for you to book

ringmybe11 · 11/02/2025 20:22

I find that weird. Similar situation in that I went on a cruise with parents and sibling when me and sibling were both adults. Difference is we'd got a suite with a dressing type area and balcony, so a bit more space and my sibling is female and close to me in age. We all agreed that it was the limit to what was ok, main reason we did it was my parents were going and it was so little extra to add us on. Sharing a room wasn't ideal, your circumstances sound significantly 'worse' than this.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 11/02/2025 20:19

Thinking about it, I personally wouldn’t mind sharing like this with close family members or friends, however I would totally understand if someone felt like you did. Very odd reaction from your parents, especially as you offered to pay for your own cabin!

MightyGoldBear · 11/02/2025 20:18

MightyGoldBear · 11/02/2025 20:14

Yanbu at all. I have done these holidays they are uncomfortable and they have this underlying condition that if you didn't pay you need to have no preference and just be greatful for whatever. I couldn't wait to go home and be comfortable. It usually involves people that don't consider others and are happy to completely take over.

Screw that. We are all entitled to have feelings and preference. If others can understand then that's on them. They shouldn't of booked it without consultation. They absolutely should hold it over you.

I feel particularly as a woman (im sure being a teenage boy isnt great either) but with boobs, periods etc it's just not something I want to have to deal with infront of anyone but my husband really.

Oh lord the typo's. can't shouldn't

JC03745 · 11/02/2025 20:16

I'd turn it back on your mum:

'Mum, would you go on a holiday with all of us and leave dad at home alone?'
'Well that is exactly what you asked me to do and leave my DH behind!'

polinkhausive · 11/02/2025 20:16

The bit I find most weird is that you were married at the time and your parents didn't seem to think about your DH at all - most married couples want to holiday together? How did they even know you were able to take holiday then/had enough spare?

I actually very recently shared a room with my dad on a trip, I don't find that inherently weird, but the wider situation is weird

MightyGoldBear · 11/02/2025 20:14

Yanbu at all. I have done these holidays they are uncomfortable and they have this underlying condition that if you didn't pay you need to have no preference and just be greatful for whatever. I couldn't wait to go home and be comfortable. It usually involves people that don't consider others and are happy to completely take over.

Screw that. We are all entitled to have feelings and preference. If others can understand then that's on them. They shouldn't of booked it without consultation. They absolutely should hold it over you.

I feel particularly as a woman (im sure being a teenage boy isnt great either) but with boobs, periods etc it's just not something I want to have to deal with infront of anyone but my husband really.

WGACA · 11/02/2025 20:01

There is no way I'd have gone on this holiday either if I were you.

UndermyShoeJoe · 11/02/2025 20:00

A holiday you won’t enjoy isn’t a gift it’s an obligation.

SarahAndQuack · 11/02/2025 19:58

Are your parents my parents?!

catin8oots · 11/02/2025 19:58

Completely understandable in a small cabin I would hate that.

I take my mum and 2 DS (14 and 25) away every year in my dad's anniversary for a couple of nights. But I get a huge family room normally with separating rooms. We do all share a bathroom but it's big enough to not be awful. No different from when we are all at my house. We chill and play board games and talk about dad and it's a fun novelty for TWO NIGHTS 😀😀😀😀

I'd be jumping off the side of that cruise ship

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 19:57

No way would I be doing that. I’ve been on one of those holidays with my actual immediate family (DH and DC) and that was unbearable enough because the cabins are tiny. As in only one of you can be walking around the other 3 have to sit on the bed and wait their turn to walk

godmum56 · 11/02/2025 19:55

Your mother still brings this up? I would have one response which would be "give it a rest Mother"

Unrelated38 · 11/02/2025 19:55

You were 24, married, not living with them and they just booked you onto a holiday, without your husband. Sharing a tiny (they are tiny) cabin with your dad and teenage brother. YANBU I wouldn't have gone. The bathroom are tiny. You would have struggled getting dressed in the bathroom. And those rooms are intended for people with two actual children. I bet they smell at full adult occupancy especially a teenage boy and middle aged man. The smell. The noise. The lack of privacy. Nah I bet your mother didn't really enjoy it either tbh.

There's just not enough space.

TheChosenTwo · 11/02/2025 19:53

Sounds awful on so many levels!
I haven’t shared a room with my dc on holiday since they turned about 3 or 4, we all need our own space. Holidays have been expensive for years anyway but I’ll happily spend the extra to make sure they all have their own rooms and dh and I have ours to ourselves.
It’s miserable to not have any privacy. And they really overstepped the mark booking and not asking before. I can’t get over that it still gets dragged up all those years later! How dreadful.

Aparecium · 11/02/2025 19:51

They clearly do not think of you as an adult with her own life and the right to self-determination.

Aparecium · 11/02/2025 19:49

It would never even occur to me to book a holiday for my 24yo without consulting him first. For that reason alone YANBU. And you say you were married at the time - which makes it even more outrageous! YADNBU.

My youngest is in Y13, so rising 18. Once a child of ours is in Y12, over 16, likely to want to make plans of their own with their friends during the holidays, all our holiday planning is run past them. This is where we're thinking of going, these are the probable dates, do they want to come? Those that come (and they usually do) generally share a bedroom. Depending upon which of them come, there may be a boys' room, or a girls' room, or a mixed room. But it's always known about in advance, and agreed by the dc. And also accepted by them that sharing rooms is how we can afford the holiday.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 11/02/2025 19:45

I originally missed the fact that the OP was married at the time - that is weird then if her parents just booked it without considering her spouse .

JoshLymanSwagger · 11/02/2025 19:44

I suppose nicking a blanket off the bunk and sleeping in the lifeboat was out of the question?

No way would I share a room with my DP. Sharing a caravan as a child was bad enough, and my dad only wore a vest in bed...👀

healthybychristmas · 11/02/2025 19:43

So you were married at the time and they booked you a holiday? That's unbelievable! I don't blame you at all for not going. Are you generally uncomfortable with your brother and dad or just didn't fancy it?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 11/02/2025 19:42

We’d all jump in together and be fine, tbh (and I’d have been quite happy sharing with my parents & Dsis at 24), but then we’ve never all had to share quite such a cramped space, which might be a bit more challenging.

The thing I find really odd is that they expected you to go on holiday with them when you were already married! Why didn’t they invite you and your husband to go in your own cabin? If they wanted to treat you they could have subbed meals or something.

HauntedPencil · 11/02/2025 19:39

Pallisers · 11/02/2025 19:37

I'd rather be shot out of a cannon than spend a week in a tiny room with bunk beds with anyone. My mother father and sibling would send me over the edge completely.

Agree. We went on a ferry once and that was one night and it was pure hell.