Adult children sharing the same room as parents on holiday. Yes or no?

Your parents were bonkers to ever think that might work, and to book it at all. Even more so to do so without telling you.

They became even more unreasonable by not telling you the booking details so you could book your own room.

And worst of all to try to hold it over you many years later and still suggest you were unreasonable!

If you were married it was also odd they didn’t invite your husband.

Honestly, the time for “one last family holiday” as though you were still kids had long passed. Sounds like they were - or your Mum was - struggling to come to terms with the fact that you were no longer a child, and that there was no longer a family unit of four to go on holidays together. She probably could have done with some therapy!

My daighter 22 would share with us if need be and if that was all that was on offer might be happy to take it depending on if the holiday appealed. She has sometimes shared a room with her slightly younger brother quite recently. And her Dad I think, on a separate occasion. But it is very unreasonable indeed not to let the daughter pay for a separate cabin if she wants to!

@GargoylesofBeelzebub I'd suck it up for the free holiday.

So you could have left your husband at home then whilst you went away???

I wouldn't have minded at all, I probably would have quite enjoyed it to be honest, I love things like that. But every family is different so you're not wrong for feeling differently.

However, I was single when I was 24 - I think even if I was OK with the sleeping arrangements, if I were married I would find the fact my husband wasn't invited a little bit odd. Might have skewed the dynamics a bit.

I can understand your parents desire for a ‘last’ holiday.
but this sounds like a bin fire set up.

Although I’d wonder if you and your brother might one day come up with a plan to take your parents somewhere on a holiday? Something with a bit more space, but lots of chances to connect and enjoy time together, because clearly your mum misses that, otherwise she wouldn’t keep mentioning that trip from a decade ago .

It's a bit odd but I have shared a room with others of a different sex several times as an adult when in a hostel.

I would be more comfortable sharing with male family members than I was sharing with strangers of the opposite sex.

I'd suck it up for the free holiday.

If someone else was paying, I'd suck it up.
My DM did something similar and it was a hoot.
It's not like living together permanently so can't see why it's a stretch.
However, if your DH was left out completely then I can see your position.
Be blunt, tell her how you felt.

You were not unreasonable. DS last year at 17 decided he didn’t want to come on a cruise and share a cabin with us and teen DD. This year he has decided he wants to come but has booked a cabin with his gf. Even for teen DD we put up a curtain around her bed.

It was very odd that as a married woman they booked a holiday for you without asking. I wouldn’t class that as the last family holiday.

I last cruised in a single cabin when ds was 15 and dd 8. Balcony cabin. Sheer hell. Never again.
On holidays since we have had a girls room and a boys room. Although nowadays these are usually adventure holidays, touring around countries etc so it's not as if DH and I are looking forward to any alone time anyway!
I completely get the dd wanting her own space and the logical thing to have done was to book one balcony cabin and the cheaper inside cabin across the hall.

Your DM was batshit!

Why was this the last family holiday? With you 24, married and living separately and DB 15? Seems a weird stage to have a 'last holiday'.

I cannot imagine booking a holiday for another adult without considering a) their partner (do they dislike your DH?), b) their ability to take time off work, or c) their annual leave allowance and existing plans (what if you had a wedding invitation/were pregnant/holidays already booked?).

For her then to expect you to share a confined space, not allowed you to book your own cabin (at your own expense) and THEN guilt trip you over not going for a DECADE is fucking mental behaviour.

Is this a one off or does she regularly try and control your life?

It's downright bizarre to book your married adult daughter on a holiday with you without a single chat with her first

The parents were incredibly unreasonable for booking including you without even asking. I don't think I'd have had a huge issue with the idea of sharing with my family but I was married and had children at that age so I wouldn't have been going on holiday with my parents without them anyway.

Your parents were out of order booking without asking. I wouldn't book my kids to share a space- last time we did that they were 15 and 17 and were fine with it then but I would not expect them (19 & 21) to do that now, and certainly not book without checking if they wanted to go or if they could get the time off work.

I might well choose to share for financial reasons. But not letting you book and pay for your own is just weird. Some sort of 'I am the generous one here's thing? And if you pay then mum is no longer being generous?

So you were married at the time? And your parents booked you onto a holiday without checking if you wanted to go, or if you could get time off work? And book the four of you into a sardine tin? And basically said DH not wanted on voyage?

There a few things wrong with all this, but your decision not to go was not one of them.

Surely the ship had already sailed, excuse the pun, for a last family holiday, seeing as you were actually married!

Cannot think of anything worse.
It's nothing to do with sharing with male family members, rather too many other people...

Around your age I went to London with my parents and shared the room with them. It was my decision , not theirs. So not the same scenario as yours. They’re not respecting you so I don’t blame you for not wanting to go

I think it would be a bit much to share a room with all my family. I wouldn't want to share a room with my dad and brother.

Well, my 17yo DS is so desperate not to share a room with any of us that he’s paid for his own hotel room. I don’t get why any parent would have an issue if the adult child is paying!

Not, not unreasonable at all not to go. I wouldn’t share with brother and dad at that age either, no way. And I wouldn’t go if I hadn’t been asked either. The parents sound odd and controlling.

It sounds like the stuff of nightmares, that’s not a holiday it’s a punishment.

I was very close with my parents but moved out at 18 because I hated sharing a relatively small house (3 bedroom semi detached) with them, never mind the equivalent of a cupboard.

They went to bed earlier than me and said I disturbed them if my phone rang, I had the tv on or just wanted something to eat or drink.

My dad snored so loudly you could hear it through the whole house.

They got up very early on weekends and crashed and banged about, my dad constantly had the radio on. The whole house was always noisy and I just wanted peace and quiet.

I have always been tidy and organised and kept cleaning and tidying the house to get frustrated when it was a mess as soon as they came home.

Me and my sister bickered constantly and she nicked my stuff.

I hated waiting to use the bathroom, and my family were all comfortable being naked when I absolutely hated it.

I hated their unexpected visitors and not being able to have friends round when I wanted.

The day I moved out I sat in my spotless peaceful flat reading a book and felt like all my birthdays and Christmas’s had come at once.
I can’t imagine condensing all those issues into a tiny smelly cabin. What if you all sleep at different times?!

The pp who mentioned sleeping surrounded by a 15 year old boys farts makes a good point, the thought of the smell in that enclosed space makes me feel queasy.

If your mum brings it up again OP, then I’d be trying to get to the bottom of why you couldn’t book your own cabin?
If she’s insistent in not letting it drop then I would just continue asking for the reason!
It doesn’t make sense at all that if she wanted you to go it was on the condition you were all squished together when you could have had your own space and still enjoyed time with them. Turn it back on your mum it was her fault not even giving you a chance to see if you could book another cabin as to why you couldn’t go.

I’ll just keep parroting the same line about not being comfortable sharing a room and hope one day it goes in.

I wouldn't bother. It's clearly not what this is about as far as your mother is concerned. If it really had been about the last family holiday, she would have tried to facilitate it. If 'the last family holiday' had really been that important to her, she would have allowed you to book separately so that you would come.

No. I think it was, and still is, all about control. How dare you be an adult and have opinions of your own? How dare you be an adult and advocate for yourself? How dare you be an adult and book a holiday on your own terms? And, quite likely, how dare you want to be a new family of your own, independent of me?